Tuesday, June 15, 2004

They Rally Round the Family, With a Pocketful of Butt

T-minus one more fucking day of work and I get to come home to the TC, get married, and finally have some days off. I know I will be hella busy while I am in town, not to mention that I still have 16ish hours of driving ahead of me, Nonetheless, anything that does not involve me being at the Wal-Mart is a step in the right direction. I am so used to repeating "single or double prints (pause) cd or an index print at all (pause) be ready for you in about an hour" that I think I would probably blurt it out in the throes of passion. Better than "do me like a salamander on crack" but not by much. I wonder what a salamander would be like on crack. You know who would be fucking hilarious on crack, the Geico Gecko. Maybe dude does alot of acid or something, it would explain why Zoid and Lord Gorlock came to life and threatened each other with blasters and such or where he got the sweet little blue car. Even makes slightly more sense out of him spinning in a field with a hot human chick, she was probably just a really beefy pale gecko.

Anywho, there is this new commercial playing on the Wal-Mart TV network which is a suggestion from Family Living Magazine (which I have never read or even actually seen, but assume is some family values inspired home-cooking-cleaning-not doing drugs-teaching your children to hate the liberals sort of rag) about how to have a nice summer barbecue. It suggests that you grill some corn on the cob and apply a spicy sauce made from some herbs, none of which can be accurately described as spicy, and mayonaise, which is a disgusting idea. The disgustingnessosity of putting mayonnaise on corn when butter has no disads and lots of advantagest, for instance, not sucking, is not the issue here however, the issue is the opening line of the commercial, which I cognitively know is "Are you up to your ears in corn" but every fucking time, sounds like "Are you up to your ears in porn." This idea I find very humorous especially given the woman's inflection in the sentence, which I have no idea how to convey in print format. By the way, I get the whole attempt to pun on "ears of corn" but no non-farmers ever find themselves with a problematic surplus of corn. You buy corn from Pahl's fucking market, or other random roadside stand, on the way home from work or a baseball game and cook it up that night. You only buy like a dozen ears, its not like they sell it by the tractorfull. Find a better fucking intro, you don't have to use punnery to convey the shitty idea you are shlucking off on Wal-Mart customers as novel innovation.

The national debate tournament is being held this week in Salt Lake City. I don't have much involvement with any of the people there this time around, but apparently none of the teams from Southern MN NFL even cleared this year, after placing three of the top 6 the last go round. Thats pretty fucking incredible, a greater acheivement than a single conference getting 3 teams to the elite eight one year and not qualifying a single one to the dance the next time. These kids are still hella good debaters, this shouldn't take away from their performances and acheivements,not to mention all the various complicating factors of schedules judges and general nationals hullabaloo, but I would never have imagined this shit. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

Speaking of losing some, LA is well on the way to giving away the NBA finals to the Detroilet Pistons. I won't count my chickens, both because they have yet to hatch, and because I have no chickens. So the counting session would be really really boring. It would be analogous to counting my alligators before they had sex with a microwave.

I will at least holla goodbye at ya manana, but I promise little more from my entries for the next two weeks or so. I do promise some Twin Cities and wedding wrap-up when I am back in Assalo, but thats a ways in el futuro.

Peace,

MB-K

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