I Don't Know How To Live Without Your Butt

Saturday morning, I woke up after Katie, maybe around 9 or 10. The house was a little busy, I think the bridesmaids were arriving around 10:30 and many of the McCormick family members were already hanging around. Andi, Carole's longtime hairstylist, was just arriving to do everyone's hair as per a special agreement. There was alot of good food, a fruit plate, doughnuts, coffee, coffeecake, croissants, etc. I poured a cup of Jo (not the Facts of Life star, but the brewed beverage) and spent the next hour or so talking with Katie's grandfather Laird. The dude has a pretty interesting story, at least it seems so to me. He was apparently an extraordinary jazz pianist, with a pretty incredible ear for composition. I have a tape in my car of "Ragtime Piano by Laird" which, though I have never heard, is pretty cool. Anyway, he is a fun guy to talk to. He told me stories about back when he and Patsy got married, how they moved around the country, were married by the president of the baptist church in Washinton, etc. Mostly he's just a really friendly old guy. He also appears to smoke about 2 packs a day, since he took maybe 4-5 smoke breaks in the maybe 2 hours that he was at the house.

I taked to Katie's cousin and Aunt for a while, and they each had unique complaints about their hotel. They were staying at the Super 8 in Roseville notably, not even a Holiday Inn or one of the nice joints downtown. Thats cool with me, but you have to expect that with the lower price comes some lower stuff as well. Apparently that included a lower class clientele, since the complaints included the migrant workers down the hall and the black potheads who ate all the dougnuts from the continental breakfast before they could get them. There was notably, a continental breakfast at the Kauf household, but I understand the frustration at the poor continental breakfasting. I also find it funny that their complaints about the potheads were being made not 10 feet from at least a couple folks of the pothead persuasion. Nonetheless, eventually these people leave so the bridesmaids have space to get their hair done and makeup, blah blah. I take a shower at some point, Katie goes to Herbergers to get her makeup done. Like 2:00 ish Iget dressed up in my tux-sweet-o and Katie and I, carefully lugging her one million pound wedding dress, head over to Mac. Wilking, I assume to make up for the previous night's transgression against the temporal gods, has arrived early, and is snapping digital photos at an astounding rate. This came in really handy since Andrea and Willking were like the only ones with cameras out of the whole fucking bunch of us. Everybody else showed up and we started shooting pictures, which we then did constantly for like 2 hours. Katie and her bridesmaids, me and the groomsfolk, families, gatherings, groupings etc. I really did fucking love our photographers, they seemed to fucking rock. I'll confirm that a little more once we see the pictures, but the experience itself was very cool. We had Wendy taking mostly formal posed portraits, and her husband, Karl, roving (hehehehe) around taking snapshots, or candids, as they say in the biz. That went on for a while. We got some help from Antonio, the photographer's assistance, who was without question the world's greatest photographer's assistant. He had a Spainish sounding name, he seemed to be Spainish (could be somewhere near by, or even a white guy who lived in South America perhaps), with a Spainish accent, and just the hint of a lisp. While he was not necessarily the gayest person who was at the wedding, he certainly wasn't the most heterosexual either.

Everyone looked pretty good, our parents and families, not to mention Katie herself. It was incredible, I have seen her a million times, beautiful every one of them, but it really was something. The dress was perfect, her hair was perfect, her makeup was perfect. Katie was as beautiful that day as anyone has ever been and while I'm sure we can thank the Wedding Shoppe and makeup or whatever, but all in all I don't think this had much to do with anything besides her. I think she even managed to keep up the smiling all day long, my face had tired by about 3:30.

When people started showing up we sent Katie back downstairs so she didn't spoil the show for the guests. I on the other hand got to hang out for a majority of the time. I said hello to many family folks, many friends who had been a long time coming, all in all I think I met up with most people before the ceremony even got underway. We walked down the aisle no later than 5:05 pm and from what I have been told many weddings start much later than that, so we were pleased to be on track. The ceremony was nice, a little long for some no doubt, and certainly less secular than many probably would have preferred, but I thought it was pretty good. Despite Father Malone's agitation the day before, I thought he spoke very well and very patiently. My brother pulled a good "where are the rings" bit on the recommendation of AJ and altogether Katie and I were at the back of the church by 5:40, so with all the walking etc. I figure the ceremony itself was no more than a half hour long. The moments which were supposed to be beautiful were beautiful, the moments which were supposed to be enlightening and intimate were, and those which were supposed to be relations between the two of us and the people with us seemed to accomplish that entirely. I thought it was perfect.

The only problem we had is the lack of adequate communication regarding receiving lines or whatever. The fact that no one was really told anything meant there was really no firm idea about what was supposed to happen. Some people said hello to us at the church, some at the reception, but we never had a formal receiving line. I don't know if that bothered anyone, it certainly didn't bother me. It meant that no one had to stand ina long boring line at any point, and that people didn't have to either wait to leave the church or have their dinner. I think I spoke to everyone I wanted or needed to speak to at one point or another, and I am 100% positive that anyone who wanted to seek my out and talk to me had the opportunity to do so. Their best opportunity was probably at the cocktail hour over at the Hyatt. After a couple of post-ceremony pictures at Mac we hopped into my mom's red convertible, which we were driving to the Hyatt out of a compromise with Carole for not wasing money on a limo. Those pictures may turn out very cool, so I am looking forward to it. We got to the Hyatt, found a place to park, eventually made our way to the lobby. Katie hadn't gotten a chance to use the restroom since she got into the dress almost 4 hours earlier, and she apparently needed a female assistant in order to do so, so she headed there while I grabbed us a drink. The bar was wide open before dinner and the appetizers were deliciosso. Everyone who tried them agreed with me that the mushroom tartlets were fucking incroyable. I didnt even see the fruit or the chicken things, but apparently they were had and enjoyed by many. I really do need to look into some sort of recipe for those, I think my brother would be appreciative.

We cut the cake, well, pretended to cut the cake, and skipped the feeding ritual thingymajigger. Neither of us thought it was an interesting or non-stupid ritual, and we pride ourselves on maintaining only those rituals we found reasonable meaning in. The cake was fucking gorgeous, by the way, it was done out in four different colors, and I think Wuollets did as fine a job on it as can be expected. Many people even asked me assuming it was fondant, the buttercream was that convincingly dyed. The cake table looked great, even though there were bowls of nuts and mints all over it. This was apparently something Carole felt really really strongly about, whihc is mindboggling to me, but whatever. The candles and petals made sense, but the other things still felt like the HoJo Salad Bar to me. The Dobs came through incredibly strongly in running out to my car because the DJ bonored one little thing, by which I mean, not bringing our first song. After fixing that brief fiasco and grabbing one more comp drink we headed into the ballroom for dinner. I must say, the Nicollet ballroom looked fucking pimp. The lights and the draping, while maybe not quite worth what they cost, were pretty sweet. The flowers were nice, I had literally no complaints. We also had what may be the world's longest head table, accomadating 14 fucking people. Dinner was chwizeet, my guess is that it was as good as you can expect a 200+ person meal to really be. The steak was perfectly cooked, the chicken well glazed and crusted, and the vegan entry got rave reviews from all the veg style people I spoke to. The wine was tasty and while I'm sure service at the head table is purposefully on top of all the others, I couldn't get more than 2 sips out of my glass before it was back to the rim. I have no idea how much wine or champagne I had to drink that night, not that I was trying to keep track, but you get the idea. They served us cake and champagne, I actually only got a piece of the marble and almond cake that night, though I did try a bite of the devils' food as well. I had the intention of eating buttloads of cake, of going back for a second steak, eating everything I could handle, but when it came time I just wasn't hungry enough to do so. I mean, yes, there was also lots of shit I had to do, things to attend to and people to say hey to. I wish I had a backup steak now, but I really didn't need it at that point.

It was at that point that people started talking, first Tom, than my bro, than Karly, then my dad. All of them were great, Tom has a great ability to work a crowd and he's a pretty friendly and personable guy in almost all situations. My brother, who I always have a hard time reading, despite knowing him pretty well for 22ish years, didn't seem very nervous (though others have told me he was) and said some stuff that really got to me. He talked about environments that I remember happily (the fact that we've gone from sharing a room for the first 15 years of our lives, to having the same extremely close knit group of friends, largely through debate) and I thought he did a pretty fantastic job. Its been so long since my brother was involved in debate and speaking etc. that I occassionally forget that he was pretty good at it. I guess its not surprising, but its certainly among the moments of that day I will remember most vividly. Karly didn't speak for long, but she was pretty funny. She has her family's speaking ability and charisma, plus a pretty audacious public sense of humor. The obvious joke about her wearing the dress (not that there weren't thousands of them lined up over the weekend) was perfectly executed and well received. My dad, who spoke much more briefly than he did the day before, pretty much just went through "An Irish Blessing" which was touching insofar as it is something I have always assocaiated with my dad's side of the family. After that an unexpected, or, shall we say, dis-expected surprise, another song from Cindy, Katie's aunt.

Let me preclude all this by saying that I like Cindy. I don't know her that well, we have only met on two seperate occassions. She seems to be a very emotionally involved woman, for reasons unbeknownst to me. She has an incredible singing voice, lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in Nebraska (itself, arguably, the middle of buttfuck nowhere). and has a taste in hats and clothing that is simply beyond me. Anyway, we (Katie and I) had been told by Carole that Cindy wanted to sing at the reception. This seems a little odd to me, but thatsm their family. they do things differently than mine, and I roll. Anyway, we wanted her to sing later on in the evening. We didn't want the "program" to get too long, or people to get filled up with toasts and songs, or (this one ended up not being relevant) Andy to think he was being slighted by not being allowed to speak. This had, at least to my knowledge, been agreed upon. Anyway, at this point Cindy was introduced again to sing a song for us. A song which she then invited us down to dance to. We really weren't in a position to explain that we had selected our first song, didn't think she knew what it was, an kinda wanted it to actually be our first song. I'm not sure these are exactly Katie's emotions, but they were foremost among mine. That does not change the fact that Cindy was hella hella good. She sang "At Last" a great song of course and one Katie and I would have had no problem being our first song if we had chosen it as our first song. The humor and sarcasm value of this paragraph seems to be taking away from the fact that fundamentally this didn't really bother me, but more just struck me as odd. Anyway, we then progressed into our "first song", Britney Spears "I Was Born to Make You Happy." We knew, to some level, from the very beginning that our first song should have to be a Britney tune. I mean, we both love her, we went to a Britney concert together that you could certainly make an argument for as one of our, if not simply our, first dates, and pop music is one of the things we truly have most in common. I mean, debate and common subjects of interest, but one of those subjects is pop culture and Britney is about as central to my understanding of pop culture as Orville is to my understanding of pop corn, if you get my drift here bugaboo.

I think many people in the room got the reference and the joke involved with the situation when it became clear what the song was and/or who it was by. I would imagine that there were those amongst my family who didn't know at all because we hadn't spoken in long enough for them to understand the Britney biz. I was a little preoccupied at the time worrying abot two things: 1) we never had the time to learn how to dance at all, or at least to co-ordinate our dancing well enough that we could do it, so essentially we were just standing there like morons (though hopefully we didn't look that way, its certainly how I felt) 2) people must have been wondering about the 2 first song thing, like, alright, we tolerated one dance, as we do for every couple, but this is fucking pushing it. I hope they at least had extra servings of cake and champagne to make the extra 3:38 tolerable. After that there was more dancing, Katie with her dad (Dixie Chix-Landslide), me with my mom (Stevie Wonder-For Once in My Life), all of the wedding party (Ben Harper-Random Song Whose Title I Don't Know Now, Never Did, and Forgot Right After Katie Told Me that Night). a dollar dance (made us like 45 bucks, even though we hadn't planned to do it and I still think it is kind of silly) and then just general dancey dance. There were alot of pictures taken, me with the grandrents, all the Mac grads together, etc and so on. We went up and took a couple pictures on the 2nd Floor of the Hyatt, where some of the Blake festivities take place, then back to the Nicollet for a boquest toss, which Karly caught (ironic and pretty chweet at the same time) and the announcement of a garter toss (which we also hadn't planned, and which would and could not occur, both because, unlike the dollar dance, we think it moves beyond tacky to classless, and more relevantly, Katie wasn't wearing a garter) which I had to quickly signal was non-existant. That was the end of everything official and I was pretty pleased. Things seemed to have gone off without so much as a hitch.

I spent the rest of the night catching up with friends from high school, fuck even before that at St. Joes. I got the chance to talk to Tara and Cort and Meiches and Josh, and others who I otherwise never do. I can only think of one person who I would have really liked to talk to that I didn't get much of a chance to, but those were extraordinary circumstances of course. We drank, good beer, good wine, good booze (though I really never got to any booze and was still hella drunk before the evening was over) we danced to good music (Sir Mixalot and Nikki French, can life get any better than this, I submit that it cannot) at one point Flury tackled Maroney on the dance floor and they both ended up on the ground. Other highlights included Sanjay hitting on a woman who, while still very attractive, was 43 years old and had 3 kids (I think those numbers are right), and dancing with her all night. There was also Josh, Meiches, and possibly some other underage folks who had a bit much to drink. Anyway, I think the party was generally enjoyed by all. It ended, seemingly, a bit early, though I was fucking exhausted and ready to kick it, it may have been nice to have the DJ around an extra hour or so for people. Anyway, Katie and I headed off to the room we had been assigned but still had never seen.

The room was designated as a suite, and fucking A did it live up to its name. I don't know how many rooms at the Hyatt are like it, but if you ever need one in the Minneapolis area, it comes highly recommended. It had a beautiful view of the Minneapolis area, from the South end of the Nicollet Mall and 23 floors up. The sitting room had a wet bar and, much more importantly, a bottle of chilled champagne and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries waiting for us. We popped that, sat down on the chairs and relaxed, since we hadn't gotten to speak much at all since we got out of the car in the garage. Katie hadn't been drinking much that night, though we did at least toast to our first bottle of wine together. I gave into Katie's demands and let her open some of the gifts that were all stacked in the corner. I should describe the greatest feature of this suite, that made it sah-weet. The bathroom off the bedroom, rather than the one off the sitting room, was incredible. It was huge, the size of most normal hotel rooms by themselves. All done out in gray marbel with white seperations and soft ambient lighting. There was an overhead rain style shower and a giant elevated whirlpool tub, set up on a pedastal of gray marble. On the opposite wall, an LCD television. Holy fucking awesome. That is what this was, holy fucking awesome. When I first turned it on, a Buffy rerun, what I think is a sure sign that our marriage is truly blessed. When I woke up the next morning with a hangover, I sat in the bathroom for 10 minutes watching SportsCenter in LCD. After getting some advil in me and laying down to relieve the headache I watched a little more of the old Sportscenter in the bathroom so as to not wake up the wifey (a term she loves, by the way, just adores, try calling her that sometime, she will react wonderfully) and later on, when she had gone to get the car and I was waiting for the belldude, watched a little of the modern day classic Joe Dirt.

That gets us through to about noon on Sunday, June 27th of 2004. I know that isn't quite present day, but I will pretty much resume normal blog mode after today. I guess I will briefly cover the return home, but that only has a couple relevant anecdotes. Nice to be back with you in the land of the now. Not to be confused, of course, with the Land of the Lost, or (less likely) the Land Before Time, which, although it has the world's cutest stegosaurus, is actually not that long in the past.

Peace,

MB-K