Wednesday, February 28, 2007

You Can Buy Your Hair if it Won't Grow, You Can Fix Your Nose if He Says So, You Can Buy All the Make-Up That Man Can Butt

Don't you hate it when you can't get the Zoobilee Zoo theme song out of your head. I think its a sign of the relative ease of my life that this might make the Top 10 Problems that I deal with on a fairly regular basis. At the same time, it would make the list of the Top 10 Reasons that I am Super-Rad. Don't you also hate it when you get on a kick of saying super-rad alot. I haven't actually experienced that one before, but I feel it coming on.

We went to Target today, a not uncommon occurrence when one habitates with Katie, and noticed a ricockulously large selection of St. Patrick's Day cards. I cannot seriously imagine the circumstances under which I would even be tempted to send out St. Patty's Day greetings much less the type that would make me pay 3 bucks plus postage to do so. Even the cards that have animals on them tend to focus on the Irish Setter dog and while its elongated Bert-like face is adorable in both puppy and full grown dog forms, it does not pack the greeting card punch of a pug dog or persian kitty, even when adorned with googly-ear shamrocks.

I had the unfortunate circumstance after Target of stopping at Pier One, which I have mentioned before, has less reason to exist than any store of which my relatively unfeeble mind can conceive. As I described it today, Pier One exists based on one bizarre paradox: there are people who have excess decorative baskets and nothing to fill them which. As a result, they designed products whose sole purpose is to fill baskets (i.e. colorful balls made out of styrofoam, glass, plastic and the material which supports the entire Pier One infastructure, wicker). Then, however, people (read: Katie) come into the store, notice the "wonderful" basket-filling knick-knacks and go all reverse causal on the bit and select baskets for the sole purpose of having something within which to place the spray-painted wicker balls.

Hippo is at least excited at the prospect of batting these wicker balls around, despite the fact that they are far from tiny-persian scale. I suppose she can pretend she is Indiana Hippo and run away from them like boulders.



Even Though We Ain't Got Money, I'm So in Love With You Honey, Everything Will Bring a Change of Butt

Good debate weekend that included our top team qualifying to the NDT as the top ranked team in the district. They worked real hard in the build up and executed in virtually all of their debates. I figured we would be alright as long as that was the situation, but it went significantly better than I even expected. Lots of work still to go with Novice Nationals this weekend, but in general I am pleased with the job-style debate situation.

Saturday Night Live last week featuring Rainn Wilson included one of the funniest bits I have seen in years, focused around the song which is the title of this entry. I haven’t found it on youtube or anything yet, but rest assured that I will post it when I do. No one believes me when I tell them that the show is back on an upswing but this year included all the digital shorts, highlighted by Dick in a Box, sloths, Blizzard man and this latest sketch. While there have admittedly been some down weeks, Justin Timberlake and last week’s show were almost all hits. Dwight’s episode only included like 2 character bits and both were the generally humorous concepts of “Nooni” and the “really boring crew.”

You would think that squeezable mayonnaise would be really disgusting, but it fucking pwnz for at least two reasons. 1) Its incredibly useful. Rather than having to spoon yourself an amount of mayonnaise and then get a different utensil if you find mid-way through mixing your tuna-fish that it is not adequately mayo-ed, you can just squeeze in some more. Convenient-pwnz. 2) Instead of squirting out through a generally roundish hole like nearly everything that has ever been squirted out of a bottle in human history, it squirts out of a rectangular slit. That means that instead of a little mustard style stream, you get a perfect little ribbon of emulsified egg and oil. Delightful-pwnz.

All this tuna-talk has made Hippo one hungry bear. So I will hop to it and get her some chow-like snacks.



Wednesday, February 21, 2007

You Can Go With This, Or You Can Go With That, Or You Can Throw With Butt

Thought of a potentially really interesting paper to write on psychoanalysis and ethics in relation to the phrase “don’t let your left hand know what your right is doing” with respect to “giving alms.” This is of course the traditional Ash Wednesday gospel, which I experienced again this afternoon. I think the phrase “they have received their reward” with respect to the recognition of suffering is potentially really interesting. Haven’t seen anything on the exact topic in my extremely limited research (read: Googling “psychoanalysis ash Wednesday” and “let your left hand know psychoanalysis”) but it is a good motivation to jump start it.

Late-February New Show Update: Top Design features one of the worst hosts in reality TV history. Despite the fact that I seriously watched House of Style in its prime, Todd Oldham is not cut out for modern television. The Rules of Engagement seems to have between 2-4 good jokes per episode, evenly distributed between Putty and David Spade. The question you must ask in terms of whether or not you intend to watch the aforementioned show relies on what ratio of funny jokes :: unfunny jokes you are willing to put up with. The 2 or 4 to 100 ratio is still swamping about 90% of the sitcoms on television, so if you are already watching How I Met Your Mother and The Class besides Thursdays on NBC but still need more comedy, this could work for you.

For Valentine’s Day Katie gave me a box of L.A. Burdick chocolates (literally the best chocolates in the world) that included chocolate cigars. They are pretty much the best pieces of candy I have ever had. The only problem with them is that until I am far richer than I currently am, I will never get the chance to seriously dig into a pack, eating them until I have seriously had as much as I want. It takes a great many Twix bars to pull off that feat and they are occasionally 3 for a buck at Walgreens. Hippo, who pays not attention to the price of her consumables, is demanding as much chow as she wants, so I will end the fanciful chocolate dreams for now.



Monday, February 19, 2007

Sometimes Its Hard to Be a Woman, Giving All Your Love to Just One Butt

3 months or so is outrageous. I have no excuses. Tiredness, laziness, business, etc. They are all true, but irrelevant and not interesting to listen to. Two interesting things that I will mention as relevant in my intention of getting back into the blogging mood.

1) Sloths: If you haven’t seen the incredible SNL bit here, you need to do it fast. After that you will begin, like me to do two things. First, you will mutter lines from the song to yourself pretty regularly. Second, you will start to notice an explosion of sloths in your everyday life. Some of this certainly won’t be true if you don’t read Cute Overload, but seriously, I’ve seen like 3 sloth related situations in the past two weeks.
2) Top Design, the next in the serious of Bravo reality competition programs, is not as terrible in the 2nd and 3rd episodes as the premiere was, but they literally have the absolute worst catch phrases in the history of reality television. When someone is not eliminated (in Project Runway speak “you’re in”) the d00d literally tells them “You can stay.” That’s it, “you can stay.” Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?)

Hopefully I will not lose track of this again. Hippo was not pleased to hear that I had dropped off the face of the internet universe and cajolingly meowed me back towards the keyboard.