Friday, May 26, 2006

I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight, It Must Have Been Something You Butt

Sorry its so long. I’ve been working, moving, driving to Minnesota, arriving here, and doing wedding related shit while seeing people I have not seen in quite a while. Some funny and awesome things.

-Patton Oswalt CDs make a drive from Buffalo, New York to the Toledo area much easier than usual.

-I’m glad Taylor Hicks won American Idol. I still have McFeever, but Taylor was fun and literally kicked her in the balls on the last performance show. He deserved it.

-I can’t believe I moved away from Buffalo a month before the Sabes win the Cup. Ryan Miller is gonna win the Conn Smythe.

-I joined Bally’s in Minnesota for the month I will be in town. I feel like I got involved in some crazy pyramid scheme, but at the moment, it appears to be a free, complicated pyramid scheme. With far too more paperwork than is justified by me wanting to pay them a set fee to use what is essentially a machine that is heavy in varying degrees.

-The two women who were working at Bally’s appeared to hate each other and have some long running feud. They kept sniping at each other over the discussion of where the St Louis Park location was.

-Everything I own is in a box at a U-Haul place in Rochester. Except for my new couch, which is gonna be so awesome I can’t even deal.

-This wedding is gonna pwn. Virtually everyone is in town to party.

There will be more soon. At the moment Hippo has more material possessions accessible to her than I do. She is gloating, but its still hella cute.



Monday, May 08, 2006

Keep Thinkin It Will Be Alright If I just Get on the Road, If I Run I Can Free My Worried Butt

This is the funnest thing ever. I mean, ever. The only reason I am not playing with it constantly is because, for some reason—and I cannot explain it, since I can only barely describe it—Katie does not like hearing computers pronounce dirty words. I can’t really think of anything funnier, but admittedly, I have a somewhat unique sense of humor. The best part is that you can download any of the files you create. I really need a cellphone that can just use .wav files as ringtones. Something to research for the fall I suppose.

We went to this BBQ chain joint in Amherst for dinner tonight. Everything was quality, especially since I have gone so long without pulled pork of any sort. The sauce could have used a teense more heat, but that’s neither here nor there. We had an incredible cornbread skillet which was accompanied by a “smashed pecan butter” which would be more accurately described as a “pecan butter frosting.” Also we had the perkiest waitress in recent memory. I thought she was charming, I think Katie wanted to smack her in the face with a corn cob.

Sabres up two games to nothing on the Sens. This city has Sabres-fever, not unrelated to McFeever, and I am gonna be back in Minneapolis by the time they take a run at the Stanley Cup Finals. Weak. Hippo agrees that at the very least we will be in the state of Hockey, USA, and hence with Ryan Miller and the boys in spirit. She’s a big A-fur-ogenov fan.



Wednesday, May 03, 2006

But I Don't Care, I Care, I Really Don't Care, Did You See the Drummer's Butt

I haven’t talked about Idol very much, but I should mention that someone tonight won the award for the most brilliant move in music competition history. I believe their train of thought must have gone something along the lines of: “Well, last week it was a wardrobe malfunction, this week I think we should have McFeever wiggle around the stage on her knees in a fashion that is something between a lap dance and…well some other pelvic thrusting activity you could do on or around your knees.” I think Paris Bennett goes home, which is sad since it’s the first time anyone really exceptional has bitten the dust.

I had to side with Rory tonight when an argument broke out regarding Ashlee and the dark versus blonde hair. I can’t imagine that there is a correlation between the more traditional Rory/Lorelei controversy, the controversy that A.J is so painfully incorrect about. Maybe I’m wrong. I could start


then evaluate the results statistically, but fundamentally I think this is just a situation where Lorelei is too old. It happens, she was wrong about the Rory situation last summer. I guess it is evidence against the otherwise true statement that being hotter than someone logically paired with you makes you better at determining which half of a logical pair is hotter than the other half.

If I owned a company that made GPS driving direction thingies for cars, that I would create a feature where you could select “random destination” and it would take you somewhere. I mean, maybe you could do it like “random destination within 50 miles” and you would get a trip to somewhere cool without even knowing what to expect. I mean, you could also have true randomness, where the computer would just randomly tell you when to turn and you would end up either somewhere really cool or somewhere really stupid related only to the statistics of how many places are cool versus how many are totally stupid. But I think the idea of random computer generated road trip would be awesome. You could go even more specific and have the computer choose an awesome restaurant within like 10 miles, which would totally solve the “where the hell are we gonna eat” crisis by deciding for you. I would rock at being the guy to scout out cool places to go and I could work for cheap, provided I got money for gas and Coke Zero.

Jade is obviously a tremendously agonizingly annoying character. She is one of the worst antagonists (or best I suppose, she is good in her badness, chure) in the history of ANTM. She said, tonight, what I believe is the single stupidest thing that any human being has ever said. This is in addition, mind you, to all the Bush-like jobbityings of the English language which they highlighted in the flashback show like two weeks ago. This is a literal quote:

“I will always remember this, shooting with an elephant that reminds me of an ancient dinosaur. Cuz they are in the dinosaur family.”

Hippo sez there is no way I can top that with my own words. So I will simply close.



Monday, May 01, 2006

Gigantic, Gigantic, Gigantic, Our Big Big Butt

I went to the post office today and, since the wait was outlandishly long and filled with people who were taking about 5 minutes to complete a 20 second task, I was looking around. I noticed specifically, this poster.

Its a pretty boring ass poster for a pretty boring as subject of course. But the dueling things I could think of were: 1) How weird would it be to be the face of identity theft? Like the guy who the advertising execs at USPS decided would be the most likely to convey the pure evil and danger of identity theft, just by a picture being glued onto the license. 2) Imagine how hilarious it would be for someone to actually make a fake driver’s license with this picture on it. “Well, Mr. Johnson, I can certainly withdraw your life savings from this account, though I must admit I am bit scared that you are going to attempt to murder and eat me.”

We had an insanely busy weekend, from the art museum, to dinner, to seeing Stick It, to Rochester to find apartments, to dinner with folks, to shopping etc. It was hella busy is the point overall, but a lot of positive developments to say the least. The one thing on which there is no positive development to be had is the ongoing couch debate. By ongoing couch debate I mean this split: I think a couch is supposed to be comfortable above everything else, Katie cares about its appearance. I’m not going to degrade Katie’s opinion here, since she doesn’t have the chance to literally defend herself, though obviously I like my own.

I can tell, pretty easily, when looking at a couch, if it will be comfortable or not. I don’t think this is any sort of a super power, though it would be a freaking awesome one if it were, I just have a lot of comfy couch experience and I can parlay it into a pre-sitting judgment pretty effectively. The couches that Katie likes to look at are, 9 times out of 10, not very comfortable. Among the reasons for this is that she has made several of the comfiest features that a couch can possess also function as “ugly” or “aesthetically unacceptable.” There is, for instance, the high backed thing that can support your neck while maintaining an adequate viewing angle towards the television of your choice. After that you’ve got the puffiness, the delightfully pouchy overstuffed feeling that means you sink directly into the fabric, ending up surrounded by soft goodness. This is not even to mention the greatest of couch features: the recliner.

I get that there are some comfortable couches out there which do not recline. I guess there are comfortable chairs that don’t recline too. This, however, is the great part of the reclining sofa: it does not always have to recline. If you want to sit straight up, go right ahead. I guess, if you are entertaining royalty or Boutros Boutros-Ghali stopped by, you might want to do that. After an entire warehouse full of couches, we found two that potentially provided solvency for the permutation. Neither of them was especially aesthetically pleasing and neither was ridiculously comfortable, but they are the starting point. I’m thinking maybe getting the aesthetic couch with a recliner a la carte would do the trick, but I’m not even gonna try to explain how Katie hates those.

Hippo is so exhausted that she has asked me to carry her from her perch at the windowsill to a new perch atop the shelves. While I would normally consider that a bit much, she did help me bake a delicious batch of Snickerdoodles and it is really the epitome of the cat like laziness she is trying to perfect.