Monday, October 25, 2004

I Got a Crummy Job It Don’t Pay Near Enough To Buy the Things It Takes To Win Me Some of Your Butt

Wow, like, holy fucking ass wow. I mean, HOLY-FUCKING-ASS wow. Because of last week's Rochester Tournament and the circumstances surrounding where we were staying and when. As a result I did not get to enjoy my usual Thursday evening viewing of Lost. Thank God that I tivoed it, as it may be one of the best hours of television that I have ever seen. I am not going to say much about it, since I wouldn't dream to give away a ssecret this good when people may still have the program recorded without having seen it. Not to mention, a number of people will hopefully end up with the DVD. Let me simply say this. There are moments in TV and movies where soemthign you never saw coming, never in a million years, strikes you in a sense I can only call miraculous I think these moments are seperate from the "reconstruction" moments involved at the conclusion of suspense films. In the latter something fills in existing gaps, it makes all the pieces fall into place, the example I use most often is The Usual Suspects where it is only in the film's final moments that we learn the answer to the overall question of the story. This difference is emphasized by the fact that the question in that film was not just "the question of the story" but the promotional value of the film, posters and buttons and the like emblazoned with "Who is Keyzer Soze?" Those are incredible moments, but these are structurally different. The moments I am talking about don't resolve the central question of the story, they are things you never see coming. Things that are unjustifiable but absolutely reshape the question within which the story is set to begin with. This general example isn't quite right, but its moving in the direction and the only one I can come up with now: take the "first switch" in movies like Just Cause or Wild Things. Overall you still don't know what happened, who killed who etc., but you know that the way you were thinking about it before is no longer the case.

We had a weekend off, the opportunity to lay around the house, get things done, not judge debates. These are all things I greatly enjoy. We cleaned a majority of the house (living area, bathroom, and kitchen) in an exceedingly thorough fashion which, while I freaking loathe the process, has quality results. We then decided to actually go out like real people do and see a movie. This is, of course like the worst time of the year to see a movie, since it is just before any of the big holiday films come out and after all the summer and early fall stuff. I would like to see Team America, but Katie is not about to walk into anything with Trey and Matt attached to it. Anyway, the only other thing that interested us was I <3 Huckabees a David O, Russel film which I had heard almost nothing about, but has a fucking incredible cast: Jude Law, Lily Tomlin, Jason Schwartzman, Dustin Hoffman, Naomi Watts, and Mark Wahlberg. The movie was described as an "existential comedy" and the little I read before we went to the show was interesting.

Overall, I was really impressed. Andy will wet himself when he sees it, it both has his existential jazz and the slightly trippy but not narratively disturbing elements. Its astounding that these actors have all collaborated on a film which is going to flop like this one is, but you should see it, either if you want to see a film before something like the new Nicholas Cage flick comes out or whenever the DVD shows up at Blockbuster. It has some really intelligent dialogue and, if you know any philosophy, existentialism or those surrounding it especially, you will at least get somewhat interpellated by the ideas. I would say its a much more "normal" Charlie Kaufman movie with more explicitly philosophical premises. There are alot of themes connected to those in Eternal Sunshine, for instance. Anyway, thats my film recommendation for the day. It ties closely in to the story I am about to tell regarding one Mr. APK...

The story begins on Friday around 5:00 pm EST. I was sittin all back and relaxin all cool watching an episode of Las Vegas on TiVo after finishing chapter 6 of Seminar XVII. The phone rings and it is the sanj. He and Andy, living together like a couple truly in love out in Eugene, were judging at a debate tournament there somewhere. This is the story as Sanjay told it to me over the phone: The two of them had headed down away from the tournament to have a particular type of smoke under a bridge. While they were doing so Andy headed to a corner to do what he usually does when he is outside, piss somewhere inappropriate. So in the process of doing so he looked to his left and saw the same thing Sanjay had seen just a moment before, a big fucking spider descending from the ceiling. He sees it and reacts as you would expect, like leaps off somewhere, and yelps. Immediately afterward he turned to Sanjay and gave him the intense stare that I am sure many of you have encountered. Really if you have hung out with Andy for any length of time you know this look, it usually precedes a statement like "I can see your soul and you cannot comprehend the trancendent infinity of my predigiousness" or " Dobs, why can't I ask that guy if he likes my balls." He gives Sanjay this look and says "Thank God my penis was out or I would've pissed myself." This has been shortened to simply the "Thank God my penis was out" which I think is a classic Andyism if there has ever been one.

Andy doesn't understand quite how hilarious this story was, maybe because he can't picture himself in this situation. The last couple times I talked to Andy he has been yelling at me regarding my blog, which he refuses to read because he has been told that I use APK stories on a regular basis. This is true of course, but I don't think they are any different than the Andy stories I tell to pretty much everyone I know. I told the story about Grandpa Tony's because it is one of the funniest fucking things ever, I have told many stories where Andy ends up with his pants off. They are too good to pass up. I have offered Andy on several occassions the chance to start his own blog and tell these stories, but he refuses like the obstinant fuck-ass that he is. Fundamentally, people have to hear them, they are far far too good. It would be wrong to withhold them from the world. I would really appreciate it if Sanjay or Andy would keep a blog just detailing their life in Eugene, because I can't get enough access to their exploits to pump them out. Since Andy confirmed that there is a little love spat between them every day I really would like to hear the details. I'll even fucking start a blog for them to solve the problem, then if they come up limp, its on them. Fuckers.

Pack won, played hella good, Ahman Green busted one for 90 yards, it was sweet. Its been a sweet long sort of weekend, back to life, back to reality I suppose.



Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Its Hard To Believe, That I'm All Alone, At Least I Have Her Love, The City She Loves Butt

Important things since the last post, for instance, the Packers actually won an NFL football game. I didnt really see it, since I was at the Rochester debate tourney and all, but a win is a win is a win. The little football that I did see was some of Sunday and Monday night and while both of those games were okay, I will admit officially that the Vikings look scary good this season. I don't consider myself a hater, except to teams like Dallas and Washington and Florida State etc. and I have been admitting, pretty much since week two, that the Vikes are going to win the NFC North. But throwing three fucking 5 touchdown games is sick, like leprosy sick. I mean, yes, he has the Freak on his side, but dude was hurt for most of Sunday night and still the 5 tds come. Anyway, one of those touchdowns got PA's KFAN announcing played on Pump Up the Volume and I always feel like I'm getting mad indie cred when one of the KFAN crew gets national publicity.

I am not going to go on with any significant discussion of the other notable sports event which is occuring literally as I type, since it is going to be more and more interesting depending later on. As of yet the entire field at Yankee Stadium has not simply collapsed engulfing both franchises, nor did the negative areas of Boston (i.e. everything that is not Lumiere Restaurant and the Newton Marriot) unexplainably vanish. More to say about that later, at least hopefully.

The Rochester Debate thingy went alright, though it was far too similar, in my opinion to simply hosting two debate tournaments in a row. I mean I wasn't officially responsible for anything, but Katie was, and since I prefer to be with her whenever possible, when she was awake I was awake and when she was lugging shit around, I was also, for the most part, lugging shit around. It was tiring. I judged all the prelims, few of which bore anything besides a passing interest. I saw one affirmative which was about 2 hours of work away from being awesome, but besides that nothing interesting. I got out of most of the elims, with the unfortunate exception of finals in open. The good team from Vermont was debating the up and comers out of New School-Fordham and while there are three people in this situation who are relatively equally skilled, the one person who was not made the decision quite easy. Thank all that is fucking holy notably, since I was as tired as an assbear and not having to wade through the link debate on the Agamben argument made my night.

The NS/Fordham team is running this SUV argument (if you actually care to read about it you need to go to that link, save the attachment to the desktop, open it with Word, and go down to page 25, I am aware that this is way too much for a stupid aff summary, but take it or fucking leave it and then go fuck yourself) which, while I have some affinity for, has some nonsensical portions as well. I was trying to explain, but was apparently too tired to do so (see above re: assbear) something that I think is potentially dangerous. I mean, I probably shouldn't say dangerous, since I don't think anyone besides me would even think about this fact, but regardless, I think its something which makes them wrong. Basically, the beginning of the affirmative is a quote from some auto manufacturer explaining how they perceive SUV owners as insecure poorly hung rich guys. It lists all the things that SUV owners tend to think or believe, uncomfortable with their social status and marriage etc. While they aren't literally saying that all these things are true, it seems to me (at least from what I heard in the 1ac, the dude on the team suggested that they may be attempting to complicate this fact, but in hearing the initial presentation I didn't see how) that the remainder of the affirmative essentially confirmed these claims in more academic language. The first part of the case was about how SUVs serve our purposes in securing security, how they attempt to guard us from a destabilized and frightening world by making sure that at the very least our cars give the impression of unyielding strenght. The problem is that the authors they use for the impact part of the aff (just traditional threat con shizz, Dillon and Campbell) explicitly criticize this kind of gestalt psychology. The problem is that the things they are describing, the way security functions, and international relations operate, are structural. They aren't determined on an individual psychological level, if they were the terror talk argument would be empirically denied, threats could be proven real.

The fact that Kim Jong Il (I assure you that should be "IL" and not "the second" as Katie and I once heard an extemper call him) has some individual neuroses which makes him a "threat" doesn't justify American security policy. If someone's psychology proved they were only constructed as a threat, that wouldn't prove the argument true either, it just wouldn't prove it wrong. Fundamentally, you don't deal with the psychology of the question because you can't control for its contingencies and in utilizing the examples that may favor you, you ultimately justify the methodology itself. How bout a completely unscientifically phrased example: take something like the crude conception of "penis envy." It may be the case that most or all of the people who have the symptoms of such a "disorder" have small penises. The point however, and everyone from Freud onwardshas emphasized as such, is that this correlation is irrelevant, structurally the puzzle fits and only in understanding it from the point of view of its structure can we ever begin to deal with it. If a person "suffering from penis envy" turned out to have a monster schlong and you had accepted this psychologism you would be blanked, you couldn't treat them because you had already discounted any possible diagnosis. There you have it, my first irrelevant debate blog of the season.

I will likely have something to say about television sometime soon, especially since tomorrow is the season premiere of the West Wing. I am ps-izzedy-psyched, both for the series itself as well as the proximity it represents towards the OC season premiere as well. My final note for this day will be a mad props shoutout to both Kate Marie Baxter-Kauf and her mother, whom I briefly doubted at the grocery store, when I was told of the Kauf family tradition: a bowl of candy corn mixed with spanish peanuts. For some reason my feeble human mind was unable to wrap itself around the truth that struck me upon my first bite, ITS A MOTHERASSFUCKING SALTED NUT-ROLL. Since the Salted Nut Roll is both a delicious piece of candy and the best sexually suggestive candy name in the business, I think its clear how much this rocks. Go mix 1 part candy corn with 2 parts peanuts (either spanish or simply salted) and dig in. Crank it up fuckers.



Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Wanna Tell You a Story, Bout a Woman I Know, When It Comes to Loving, Oh She Steals the Butt

Its Saturday morning, it is too early, I am too in a debate round at the University of Rochester and am way too judging it. Anywho, there have been some things since Saturday, officially dubbed Apple-Pickin', Minnesota Sports Losin' day. All in all last weekend was about as bad as sports weekends come, the Twins going down despite the valiant efforts of Johan Santana, ultimately succumbing to the great evil that is the New York Baseball Yankees. The Gophs suffered yet another comeback victory, this one, thankfully, not quite as dramatic, at the hands of the Michigan Wolverines, and the Packers just played like ass, I mean complete and total ass. I think its quite clear that we have the worst defense in the NFL and while I truly do believe that there are a bunch of legitimate reasons that this is the case (i.e. we fired our defenseive co-ordinator because, while I admit he was no Romeo Crinnel, he gave up one long play (again, I know this was a big long play and believe me, it hurst me every bit as much as it hurts you), Mike McKenzie is a stupid dick-fart-fuck-face, Ahmad Carroll is a way not ready for prime time playa, not to mention that everyone else on the defense is fucking hurt) its not excusable. Brett and Ahman both looked ugly on Monday night as well and while at least part of Brett's disgusting interception-fest is attributable to the fact that he was desperately trying to get the Pack back in the game by himself, which shuts down the run game, which itself kills the threat of the play-action pass, eventually meaning, put both your safeties on Javon Walker and you are good to go. Anyway, you can't go down 21 nothing in 3 series and attempt to run a balanced offensive attack, which, realistically is the only way the Pack wins. I could also note that we lost Flannigan for the season last week and since, much in the same way as the Dude's rug in relation to the room, he really tied the line together, our blocking wasn't especially prime either. I had fairly modest estimates of the team at the outset of the season, but now I'm just praying for 6 or so wins.

On to brighter subjects, as there are many things to be happy about. In the first place, there is thai food. Katie and I are in Rochester for the debate tournament this weekend and since there is a Thai restaurant right down the street and nothing in Buffalo at all that even resembles the cuisine. So we headed oot. They honestly only need to bring one menu to the table when we go out for Thai because I have never seen Katie order anything that isn't chicken pad thai. I even entirely understand the whole order the same thing every time you go somewhere idea, but I can't imagine doing it at a thai place, where my favorite thing is the slight alternation in what goes in what form of what stir fry or curry. Anyway, last night I got a pretty basic chicken cocunut curry, which was fucking delicious. Just the right level of spicy, exactly what I was in the mood for. The only thing that blew was that the place wanted to charge me extra for more white rice, like more plain steamed white rice. In case you were curious, white rice in the quantities they are dealing with at a restaurant runs about 2 cents for approximately 160,000,000 pounds. You want me to give you a fucking dollar for a bowl of it? What the fuck. I'm paying 8 bucks for the curry, you can't throw in the world's easiest to grow, most abundant, and overall cheapest carbohydrate in on the side. The ice in my water cost them more. I wouldn't normally care except that, as we all know, once you are finished eating all the items in the curry, you dump the sauce on a big pile of rice and let it soak up into a flavorful effusion of deliciousness. Anyway, the place was moderately priced and pretty tasty, so I let them get away with the lack of rice dilemma and until someone starts making pad thai in Lockport we will probably stop back.

Katie has gotten me into the habit of reading political real-tme blogs that have sprung up around the debate. I really like the idea of these spontaneous jokes that people are making during the actual text of something going on, especially when that something is not especially interesting to watch on its own, i.e. a presidential debate. I don't know when cnn and other news places decided that they needed this as a feature, nor am I sure who decided that the Douchebag for Liberty (a name I borrow from Jon Stewart for Robert Novak, who would make my list as one of the dumbest individuals in the world) should for some reason participate in a medium with which I am pretty sure he has no familarity. I think it would be kind of fun to run one of those things, or at least just post at random intervals throughout some occurence. I fundamenally link all this back to a couple things. The first is comedy central's first foray into political commentary, that being the running commentary featuring (I believe) both Dennis Miller and Bill Mahr during the State of the Union address. They had a ticker on the bottom of the screen which was essentially just a short blog of jokes that they typed in. It was funny. The other obviously related phenom is all VH1, beginning with Pop-up Video and continuing to what has now completely overtaken the entirety of that channel, which is, in one way or another, a modification of I Love the 80s. That can include the various lists of 20, 40, or 100 videos, songs, scenes, etc., the recaps of given years or events, Best Week Ever, etc. which all operate on the same formula, show a clip of something, then have various comedians, psuedo-celebrites, and writers for Maxim/FHM/Stuff/etc. make seemingly impromptu witty comments on the lyrics or images. Don't get me wrong, I love these shows, but if you gave me an hour with the Sklar brothers, a couple of the frat boy-English majors who edit Blender, and Tone Loc, I could pump the same thing out. Anyway, I see a contiguity between these phenomena and though I recognize there is little point here, its my blog, so go fuck yourself.

I wrote this on Saturday, I am posting it Tuesday night, because I am actually so lazy that I haven't been playing around with my computer. I will write more, at least we get this weekend off.



Saturday, October 09, 2004

The World is a Vampire, Sent to Drain, Secret Destroyers, Hold You Up To the Butt

We had a hella nice day today, which is especially important given the ridiculously low number of Saturdays we will have available to do nice things. A majority of the time our Saturdays are spent on college campuses, in random classrooms, listening to college kids blabber about shit that most of them don't understand. That sentence was not intended to undercut the value of debate, only to indicate that for me, as a judge, it cannot compare with the enjoyment factor of what Katie and I did today.

We got up comfortably late, since we didn't go to sleep last night until almost 3 in the morning. Considering I usually start harasssing Katie about how much sleep we need even before the Daily Show is on, I figure when I have no excuse I should let her stay up late. I think we got up around noon today, so we checked our email, showered, etc. before jumping in the car. We had planned, for about a week or so, to go pick some apples. I was telling Katie at some point about my fond memories of apple picking when I was younger and how much of an enjoyable fall activity it was. Katie eventually located an apple picking place which was only about 15 minutes from our apartment and had some pretty sweet shit to do. The only thing I was worried about was that it would be too little kid intensive and as a young married couple we would feel overly ridiculous.

Well, there were alot of little kids, there were alot of parents, but it wasn't ridiculous, and let me tell you, it was awesome, kitschy, absolutely, but I've oft-commented on my love of kitsch. Anyway, the first thing we saw was a little petting zoo. Nothing special but very cute, there was a big fat black pig which was really cute, and two llamas, and a couple of goats and some sheep. In a seperate pen that was right by the pumpkin barn there was another little goat which I think Katie would have brought home with her, if she didn't think it woud eat her J. Crew tanktops. Then there was a series of little barn like places, a chicken barbecue, an apple barn and little wine bar, a snack area, a cider barn, and a fudge/ice cream/bakery place. We wandered and enjoyed looking at all the pumpkins and gords and the like, then went to get a glass of cider. The cider barn was also the home of warm fresh donuts. Thats right, as you approached the cider barn you could smell the donuty goodness wafting out the door, I mean it was almost state fair quality. They weren't mini, mind you, full size cinamon sugar mofos, but incredible. We each had one along with a glass of cider, then decided to go pick some apples.

The sweet deal that is involved in apple picking does not end with the fact that it is about 80% cheaper off the tree than out of the store. We paid 8 bucks for a 1/2 bushel sized bag, which just means about a billion apples. We didn't weigh it, but I would say 25+ pounds easy. On a pretty hella good sale at Topps, we could get 10 pounds of apples for that cost. Not to mention these were the freshest tastiest apples possible. The type that go brown while you are eating them because they have literally zero preservatives. In addition you get a free hayride to and from the pickable section of the orchard, which is only about 5 minutes each way, but it was enjoyable. You also get all the apples you care to eat as you dance and twirl amongst the rows of trees. This late in the season we could choose from Red Delicious, Empire, McIntosh, Golden Delicious, and Crispin apples. The Red Delicious and McIntosh were not at all bad, but they are just your average everyday apples, nothing special about them. We filled our bag with the other three, though we ate at least one of each in the field.

If you've never done it, I can't explain to you how fucking weird it is to just walk up to a tree, pull something off of it, and eat it. I mean, I know that apples are like this and all and the same thing exists for pretty much every fruit and vegetable, but its just fucked up, reach up and grab an apple and eat it. If there were Cheese-It trees and you just walked down the white cheddar row then the BBQ jack one it would be pretty fucked up, and it doesn't seem any less fucked up if you substitute apples. Regardless, the three apples we did select were great. Golden Delicious are probably my favorite in general, though I like Fuji's and Winesaps as well. These ones were perfect examples, tart and crisp with a bright green skin that had patches of pink just peeking through. The Empire apples are the original New York fruit, and if you like true bright-fire-engine-red-hot-for-teacher-doctor-away-for-a-day apples these are the nuts. They are juicy and sweet, the type that are self juicing in a good tart or apple crisp. The Crispins are right in between, still an apple-martini green shade with a sweet-and-sour beauty that would seem to satisfy even the most discriminating taster. Yummy.

After our return hay ride we had some barbecued chicken for lunch and did our shopping. We added a gallon of cider, a regular old squash, and a butternut squash, one of which will be a component of tonight's dinner. That dinner, which will be eaten a bit late, I should admit, since we had chicken at like 3, will feature center cut pork chops, fresh squash with brown sugar and butter, and homemade applesauce, which I will fabricate in that not too distant future. I hate to end two consecutive paragraphs in the same way, but...Yummy.

I am now watching the tivoed edition of the Gophers v. Wolverines. I am a Big 10 fanboy, so I can't say I hate Michigan, but if there was a school I had to send out, there is no question that the blue and gold go bye bye (no offense Cort).Not that I am a Penn State fan either, mind you, but I digress... I cannot remember seeing the Gophers wins a game against Lloyd's crew, and since the stat I saw indicates they've lost 15 in a row, thats probably about accurate. I also fucking love this Goph's team since its about time someone saw Maroney's raw footballing talent. Ever since Coach Anderson told him he had the flexibility of a seventy-two year old woman I knew he would be a potential NFL halfback. He broke an 80 yarder in the second quarter that was top-play caliber and shot another one off-tackle right that he was one step from going all the way on, still made about a 15 yard gain. In an attempt to be fair, I should note that seven minutes into the 3rd quarter (just before the gophs go up 21-17) Michigan executed what may be the best run blitz I have ever seen. Anywho, ski-u-mah.

If I bored you with politizzle yesterday, at least be glad that I bored you with produce today. Cider, sauce, maybe pie, my place, tonight.



Backbeat The Word is On The Street That The Fire in Your Heart is Butt

This is not a political blog, I don't think anyone has any questions about that. That doesn't mean I don't have any political opinions obviously, nor that I don't discuss them. For the most part what it means is that I don't want to bore you with what I see as glaringly obvious points of view. That said I have to mention how painful it is to watch these debates, if you wish to actually refer to them as such. I don't expect Kerry and Bush to spew down NDT style, but it would be interesting to at least see an extended exchange on ideas, not just alternating 2 minute and 90 second orations followed by two 30 second "rebuttals." Seriously, if you want to keep the time limits roughly the same, why don't you do 10 alternating 30 second speeches, which at the very least would encourage development of an issue, maybe more so than Charlie's valiant attempts to focus on unclear ideas.

Anyway, here is what will be my brief opinion on the debates: Bush is the least convincing person of all time. He is obviously doing better tonight than he did last week, though that is alot like doing better PR than Tianneman Square. That said, he still sucks. I mean, I know, factually, that there are experts talking to this jackass day and fucking night leading up to this shit, and that pretty much everything he said is planned in advance, but still he does it. Obviously he fails to bring specifics or explanations or warrants for anything he says and though John Kerry isn't Toulmin re-incarnate he is at least attempting to explain something. More over than that, he is presenting arguments that they have to recognize have entirely failed to convince anyone. I know that all the handlers told the president "when you don't have anything to say, which will happen alot because you have the intelligence of a severed clitoris, resort to one of these prepared things," and they have made some attempts tonight (and even on the veep shit on Tuesday) to adapt those arguments to make them effectual, but funadmentally, they are just fucking worthless bullshit. A couple examples;

1) flip flopping--I don't understand why anyone gives a fuck about this, seriously, I don't think the worst novice debater of all time would ever enter into a round with this as their round winner, you aren't saying what you once said, thats all you got. I think the Kerry camp has made most of the answers they need to but moreover, why is this a reason to vote for Bush, give up this argument and defend your fucking policy decisions.

2) Kerry and Edwards didn't show up at the Senate much: dude, you were on vacation for like 2 of the 4 years you were president. I don't remember what the stat was from Farenheit 9/11, but Crawford is like the second White House. Its not like they skipped close important votes because they were drinking with Bruce Springsteen and Susan Sarandon, they skipped 93-2 votes because they were campaigning for the fucking presidency. Bush desperately wants this argument to matter, but dude, no one fucking cares, thats all there is to it, it doesn't work.

3) You are demeaning our allies: seriously, you went for the "you forgot Poland" bit, that was a stupid choice, but it was last week. Since that debate, however, POLAND FUCKING WITHDREW FROM THE FUCKING WAR. I know they aren't leaving until 2k5, but they are fucking leaving. Saying that 90% of the losses are American doesn't demean Poland, this demeans Poland: "Poland should go fuck itself, it should take all the sausages it has ever made and shove them up its collective ass. Fuck Poland like it was a monkey on steroids with a sign on its back that says "shove all my sausages here" and has an arrow drawn towards its butthole. Fuck Poland and everybody who looks like Poland." They aren't demeaning our allies by saying we are spending more than them.

Okay, thats all I will say about this situation for now. I'm sure I won't make it all the way to election without more blabber, but I apologize for subjecting you to all that. How bout a discussion of some T-2-tha-V.

ABC has literally exploded in my mind, since they have 2 shows with a tremendous amount of promise. The first I have only seen one epsiode of, that being Depserate Housewives. I give full and mad props to Katie for tivoing and suggesting this program and it is very clear from the pilot that this in someway echoes Twin Peaks. I don't know that it will go all David Lynch-y, but it could and I am excited at the possibility. Its a Sunday night show, so I recommend it. Even more important is Lost, a show which has redefined the TV landscape for me at the moment. This show is great, I have no idea at all where these twists are leading, none at all. There are moments of recognition which are Usual Suspects-ish in their puzzle locking quality (this is a poor way of relating the feeling you have when learning something all of a sudden makes alot of unrelated details fall into place) and there is some hella intelligent writing and editing. There were even a couple of chilling moments, when I literally shivered in my living room.The thing about mystery shows is their potential to jump the shark really quickly, but I have some faith in this one, though I have no idea why I would ever believe ABC.

Another TV thing I want to mention came up in a conversation Katie and I were having the other day. A program that I spent many many hours watching, usually in MTV's classic midnight marathons. There was nothing like hanging out in my parents basement with the whole crew, laughing, and running out at virtually every commercial for a cigarette. The show in the middle was a delightful romp which was, to my knowledge, the first televised attempt to capitalize on the teen-sex-comedy genre. Yes, it had its touching moments and its teaching times. Yes, it had its beautiful people in odd situations and it had the unexpected kinkyness. It had cute college-girl actors who left their ninth rejected audition for Noxema commercials in a row and headed straight to MTV studios, got into their cute bra and panty sets and hopped into the generic college dorm room set to take a shot at what I am sure you have already named. Thats right its Undressed. I loved that program so much.

If you take a look at the IMDB page for undressed you will notice the multiplicity of actors who were featured. There were usually in the area of 3-4 completely independent plotlines on each episode. They weren't exactly synchronous, ie: if three stories started in epsiode 1, one would end in episode 2, one in 3, and one in 4 (or so) and others would pick up and run for 2-4 episodes. Hence, while actors occassionally repeated in different contexts, for the most part there were just like 20 people per season. I mean, the nice thing about the sex scenes set up in this program were that they only tended to involve 2 or so characters, your extras didn't really count for much. Of all those characters who got credited over the illustrious history of this show, I don't think anyone got billed better than Whitney Anderson . That one speaks for itself.

I don't think Undressed is coming on the air any time soon, but I can guaruntee that my tivo would be working ovetime on that front. Final thoughts: ski-u-mah re: the Michigan game, fuck the Yankees like they were Poland, and Katie and I may be going apple picking tomorrow, so cider and sauce at 6600 Dysinger tomorrow.



Thursday, October 07, 2004

Every Boy and Every Girl, Spice Up Your Butt

Mad props to those of you whom have wished me a happy birthday out there in blog land and such, I appreciate it. It does not go unnoticed. Rock on. To those of you who have sent me money, rock on, continue doing so. I like money. I am still tired.

So back to Wilkes-Barre. I mean, I'm not going back to Wilkes-Barre, and since I don't know anyone who lives in Wilkes-Bare, I doubt that you are either. I mean, maybe you are going back there next year for the 2k5 Kings Tournament or something, but thats like a fucking year away and obviously not what I am referring to. I am referring to returning to that story for the purpose of completing it. Really there is little more to the story except for the fact that we judged a bunch of debates, watched a kick-ass extended version of The Apprentice's board room, ate some Ben and Jerry's and left from Wilkes-Barre far later than we would have liked. One of Katie's teams got to semis in novice, which is hella sweet for the first tourney of the year, but I will spare you other debate talk. At some point during this season I am sure you will be far far from spared, but I pity you now. Maybe there are details I am forgetting, but since I am forgetting them, I cannot tell you. Fuck you.

We have pretty much spent all week either working (me on school, Katie on the UB Debate Tournament prep) or watching TV, so there is not alot else 2 report. We did, on my birthday, do at least 2 notable things. In the first place we went to the mall, which was obviously not my personal choice for bday activity, but was a to the g nonetheless. We had to go there for at least two reasons, in the first place, Katie needed some pants, and in the second we had coupons from Godiva that expired that day. The coupons, you may be curious to know, entitled both Katie and I to 2 free truffles from Godiva's new truffle line. We got the good parts of both ends of this deal, because when Godiva discontinued their old tuffle line, we happened to stop in and buy some of the truffles that were 50 percent off, thats almost half. Since we are loyal Godiva customers, we got these coupons at the same time. We haven't tried all the truffles we got yet, but I wholeheartedly approve of everything I saw there. We didn't get the cocunut creme one, but believe me I will be back for it.

The second important thing we did on Thursday was head out for dinner. I kind of hate choosing where to go, even on my birthday, because for the most part I am still unsure about whether Katie will like it. Regardless, I wanted either steak or lobster or steak and lobster. I was not, however, in the mood for the sometimes tolerable, sometimes hideously seafaring atmosphere of a Red Lobster, for instance, nor the extraoridnary expense of a Manny's-like ( I mean, Buffalo doesn't have anything that can stand up 2 Manny's, lets not be ridiculous, but you get the idea, really expensive fancier steak joint). As a result we compromised on the Outback Steakhouse, somewhere I thought was perfectly in the middle, which is probably just as tacky, but in a different way. Instead of a surly sea-captain at our table, for instance, there was a stuffed crocodile and a picture of a tasmanian devil. Classy indeed. Regardless, my favorite part about the experience was the ability to eat like a full dinner, ie to order drinks and appetizers as well as our dinner.

Since we were at the outback we had to go with the Bloomin Onion, which was a delicious taste treat as always. I wonder if William Sonoma or some catalogue has a Bloomin Onion cutting tool, because i think it would be chweet to whip up one of those at mi casa. I probably couldn't get it to come out all pretty like with a little dipping cup of some spicy little mustardy sauce which I couldn't quite ID. Anyhizzle, I got to roll the porterhouse, the mother of all steaks. I rarely get to have the porter when I am eating at somewhere like Manny's, since the bigger steaks are so pricey. That said, the porterhouse is essentially the cow's natural combo meal, like it was perfectly engineered for a solid dinner, or even split between a couple, if one is naturally inclined towards the strip steak for some reason. You've got the best deal on the hoof on one side, the strip, a tasty steak whose flavor is even strong enough to occassionally tolerate cooking beyond rare. I mean, you don't want to unless you absolutely can't stand it, but if you like medium rare and want a quality piece of beef, roll strip. On the oppoisite side of that bone, right next door, can you believe it, is the fucking filet. The greatest fucking food in the world is next to an excellent steak, the strip itself is probably one of the top 10 foods as well. The cow is like a fucking magical beast, imagine if there was an animal where, if you cut it in a certain place, would produce a big piece of cotton candy on one side and a fucking caramel apple on the other, seperated by a bone. No one would make racist jokes about the Indian subcontinent if they worshipped the candy-beast would they.

Anyway, the people at Outback, for the most part, managed to cook the steak what rare actually means, though there was about half an inch around the edges that was distinctly medium rare. The inner sections lived up to their potential. Literally, I don't think I have had a steak at all, much less one of any quality, since the wedding. Katie is not a big steak fan and so we don't cook them often and with our summer poverty streak going strong, we weren't headed out to the steakhouse 2 often during my days at Wal-Mart. Katie even said that if and when I get more birthday money from parents and such, I can use it to go out for another steak dinner, so the bday turns into like a twiz fiz oize deal. Rxrz. Katie had some pasta with chicken and shrimp and it was tasty, but certainly no porterhouse, not even a strip on its own or a sirloin for that matter. We got an ice cream cake on our way home, because Katie didn't really have time to bake while also getting ready for the tourney. It was totally chawehat for a birthday meal celebration and my official props go out.

Friday was a mad rush all day all night. I made vegan peanut butter cookies and they were, officially, the best cookies ever made which were entirely lacking in two of their main ingredients, eggs and butter. I mean, I replaced the butter with some soy margarine that Katie picked up at the store and the eggs were pretty much just substituted with water ( you can normally substitute eggs really simply with water and some dairy, to replicate the fat content of the yolk, but because margarine has both fat and water it throws off the ratio, yet another reason being vegan is the gastronomic equivalent of dropping a ten pound weight on your genitals like 5 times a day). The only other time I have even really eaten peanut butter cookies when they are lacking a primary ingredient would be in the flourless peanut butter cookie, which rocks, but is lacking an ingredient that provides alot of structure, but virtually no flavor. Hence the resulting cookie, while crumbly and crystalline in texture, is incredibly delicious. Here however, eggs and butter, two of the four flavor ingredients involved, each one adding a creaminess and fluff to the cookies which complements so delighfully with the dense nuttiness of the pb involved, are missing. I fondly remember a day, before I understood the love involved with the flourless pb cookie when KT, Sanjay, and I, after being denied a booth in the smoking section at Perkins because Sanjay wasn't 18, headed to the Burnsville Denny's. KTsuggested that the flourless peanut butter cookie was potentially to provide for those who were allergic to flour. We all found this suggestion about as funny as humanly possible especially insofar as, for those people allergic to flour, finding a suitable peanut butter cookie was far from their most serious problem.

The tournament, which I now glance at in hindsight, since it is Thursday and I have officially recovered, finally, went pretty well really. We dealt with a considerable group of idiots at Dominos on Saturday who put cheese on all the vegan pizza, delivered it to the wrong place, then had their car break down in the attempt to deliver it to the right place, after which they attempted to blame us (Katie specifically) for their automobile related issues. Even though some of these problems would be understandable, we had done, I think, more than our fair share of work in advance to see that they were avoided, like specifying that the vegan pizzas were NOT to have any cheese on them and telling them where they needed to deliver to, asking them if they knew where that was, and receiving confirmation that, yes, indeed, they did. Besides that and the running over of about an hour and a half on Saturday (which sucks, obviously, but could have been and usually is, much much worse since there were 5 freaking debates that day, we were out of the building the last people besides Tuna on their way home, by 10:00 pm. If you consider that at Kings we didn't leave until after 6 and they had only 3 rounds, I think its legit. Sunday went without many hitches at all, we even got the break of getting much of the cleaning done before awards. As elims progressed we got more of the rooms clean and during the novice quarters round (coinciding with the varsity sems) every room besides the 6 in use was done. In the end Katie judged the varsity finals and I finished the cleaning of all the rooms besides the two in use, got Chinese food, and prayed that Vermont would close out the novice finals. I have, for the record, arguably never cheered so hard for a school I did not debate on or coach. It rocked hard and by 8:00 on the night of the first annual UB tourney, Katie and I were safe and sound back home. So good show I say.

Of course it was only after all this nonsense was completed that I began to get truly sick, or as they say in the biznuts, sick as a chick with a slickdick. There has been some sore-throatosity, some sinus pain, some other various tylenol cold and flu symptomy bullshit, you get the pic. Anyway, that is that. Since we do not have any debate activitiy this weekend I will most likely holla.



Saturday, October 02, 2004

And Those Three Small Words, Were Way Too Late, You Can't See That I'm the Butt

So, technically Thursday was in fact my birthday. I had to work and we have been getting ready for the University of Buffalo's first annual debate tournament to occur this weekend. Anyway, we did get the opportunity to do a number of enjoyable things. Katie bought me a wireless card so I no longer have to steal her computer in order to check my email at whatever random debate tournament we happen to be at. More importantly and probably infinitely more useful, I will actually be able to utilize the internet at school. I mean, its ridiculous that the closet I hang out in is literally referred to as an office, having no windows, no telephone, no intenet access. Nonetheless, the fact that I will be able to comminicate via instant messenger and check my email will probably make it more likely that I will get work done at school, as well, I will likely not have to run to the library or the center every 5 minutes. So a big public thank you to Katie for my adaptation to contemporary technology.

On a further technology note, I am actually getting a decent piece of telephonic technology as well. My phone, which was a piece of shit to begin with, like before it was ever utilized, straight out of the box, has gotten progressively worse as a result of my, for instance, dropping it into a garbage can full of ice water when fishing around for a non-diet Pepsi, last weekend. Nonetheless, we have spiffy new cameera phones in the fed-ex version of mail that should arrive Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Brief tech update, since I am now at Buffalo judging a debate round and using my wireless internet card, I can say for sure that it rocks the socks of a box fox as a birthday present. Best ever. Mad ups to the Katie-Bear.

Anywho, I haven't said anything since the Wilkes-Barre trip, largely because I have been busy and stuff, but I suppose that is no excuse. My favorite thing about going to Wilkes-Barre is having the debate with Katie about the name of Wilkes-Barre. I say this because I am 100% confident that I am correct about this situation, not because I like making Katie upset or anything. When she actually gets upset and embararssed I give it up. Nonetheless, for the most part she seems to take it as I intend it. The basic point being that the word Barre could be pronounced, in my world at least, in one of two ways. either
"bar" or, obviously in a somewhat silly fashion "barr-ay" like the French word for the past tense of the verb barrer, which translates in english to "barred." I prefer "bar." Nonetheless, we found out last year when we arrived that the place was actually called Wilkes-"Berry" like the fruit or the dingle. I however, have adamantly refused to give into such obvious spelling elitism, such nonsenicality. I'm not sure how serious she is all the time, but Katie loathes it when I say this in front of other people, although I would be happy to inform them about the fact that they are being scammed by the good people of Wilkes-Bar, who want nothing more than to make them all pronounce things like complete fucking ninnies.

Regardless, we got their really late on Thursday night, well, not that late, but later than I wanted to get there. I essentialy starved that night, because all I got to eat was a Cinnabon on the road. The fucking limp ass Perk in front of our hotel was closed so I drank some grape soda and went to sleep exhausted. I woke up at ass oclock to participate in what I had heard was some sort of orgiastic continental breakfast, qua the Embassy SWEETS. I had been told there were like waffles and scrambled eggs, and there were in fact, toaster waffles (the non-eggo kind, the bakery type preservative filled type) and hard-boiled eggs. This was not exactly what I was looking for, but I rolled the waffles and hit up some powdered sugar mini-donuts as well, which were solid. I was upset that this specific continental breakfast didn't have cereal, especially because I am a huge fan of cereal dispensers. If I ever have a buttload of money, veritable or otherwise, I am investing in like three of them, its like continental breakfast everyday. It was noise that there were no debates until the afternoon, and though I found it slightly odd that we left on Thursday when we easily could have done so Friday morning. We judged debates, we had dinner at the Perk. The Perk in Wilkes-Barre is not only not 24 hours, but also has a fucked up menu including "hash-brown casserole" as an alternative two the regular hashed browns. I don't know if I have ever mentioned my views about "hashed browns," but basically I think they are awesome. I think that calling them "hashed browns," which emphasizes that they are browns which have had hashing performed on them. They have been hashed. I feel the same way about "corned beef," beef which has been corned. It has had the process of corning performed on it. I wonder if, in the long run, words like hashed browns and corned beef run the risk of a similar fate to that of "xerox" or "kleenex." Not exactly that they will lose their copyright, but that they will gradually become corn-beef or hash-browns. I think that would be sad.

I should note that I am extraordinarily tired during the prep time of round four that I am currently judging. I will continue later. Maybe during prep for the 2nr, they have a lot of time.

But I like the stairs...