So I am watching the MTV Movie Awards, which are somewhat interesting, but mostly just a warm up for the VMAs in September. There was a time when they hadn't yet decided whether the Movie awards would just be an excuse to get a bunch of celebs together, or something legit, so they did it live and all that jazz. Now its fucking tape delayed, people just show up wearing jeans, its less interesting. I was kinda psyched that Lindsay Lohan was hosting, because she has been entertainment gold for the last little while (excluding Freaky Friday) with Mean Girls, SNL, and at least one or two other things I don't remember. The ads MTV was showing for the awards show did the typical promotion of her breasts, but about halfway through the show Lindsay's top half has been largely absent, maybe what I thought was an obvious formula has been disproven. The only other observation I have from this show is that the Beastie Boys are old. I mean, they were still pretty good, but they are fucking old. Its really odd to see any 40 year old dudes doing hip hop moves and shizzy, especially white guys with gray hair. I don't know why that is, I guess its probably because there are just so few of them and white hip hop guys are only finally growing old enough to be noticeabl.e That was rambling and unexplanatory. I fucking rock.
Pablo Francisco didn't make it through on Last Comic Standing, which is incredibly ridiculous. Dude is fucking hilarious, already has half hour specials on Comedy Central, and didn't even make the top 20. That said, the selections were high quality for the most part. This dude Dan Nattington, who I found fucking hilarious, is a kind of Steven Wright-Rodney Dangerfield comic, both because he sort of combines their unique voices and the one line style of comedy which is so hard to pull off. I don't think he is as good at it as, say, Mitch Hedberg, but its still good. I'm not sure if that will make him a funny dude in the house or not, people who can really pull it off, Rodney himself for instance, are about as funny as people come. you can totally have it on stage and be a dud once you step off the mic. Step off the mic. Sounds like some spoken word sequel to Bring in the Noise, Bring in the Funk. I suppose Def Poetry Jam already fulfills that role, but you can't get too much funky poetry. Let me rehash that sentence, funky poetry sucks. I mean, funky poetry is not unique in that regard, its more that poetry sucks. Here are your options, you can do some sort of musical performance, rapping singing etc. or you can talk. Fuck this whole talking to a rhythm that isn't audible shit. When poetry was cool...That wasn't actually an attempt to start a sentence. It was a demonstration of the fact that you cannot begin a reasonable sentence with the phrase "When poetry was cool." You could try to make it into some joke about how long ago it was when poetry was cool, but its not a good joke because not only was poetry was never cool but because jokes about poetry are not funny. Seriously, bring your best fucking punchline about poetry. Poetry is lame, write a song or write a story. You don't just get to list a bunch of words and call it something fancy. For a long time I maintained my argument that poems need to rhyme and I maintain that argument. Notably, when I make that argument I am really just thinking about Colerdige poems. I won't deny that this somewhat complicates my argument, but in my defense Coleridge's poems are essentially just stories in verse. There aren't really allegories or lists of words, manupulations of rhythm or timing in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. It would be pretty much just as good if it wasn't a poem, the story is sweet. Fine, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is a sweet poem, I admit it. Still, fuck poetry.
Man Jack Black fucking stole my fucking look again. He's got this sweet beard thing going on, just like I do, and while he looks slightly more pyampya in that motherfucker than me, I still think he ripped me off. I would trust you to believe that I really do have a pretty long full beard at this point, since almost none of you have seen me, and I will likely have shorn it by the time you do, but you are all fucking liars and disbelievers. Disbelievers and liars, disbefuckingliars. He is wearing a VOTE KERRY tetro t-shirt, which is kinda cool, and he is really fucking baked.
I had a bad ass ice cream sundae tonight. It was pretty much an assemblage of the various sweet things I have left in the apartment. There was some Breyer's Peanut Butter and Fudge Ice Cream, some toasted walnuts, some chocolate, some whipped cream, and some Samoa crumbs which had gathered at the bottom of the Samoa box, as Samoa crumbs are want to do. It was bad ass overall, the perfect blend of crunchy and creamy and fudgy and chewy. It was like they do at those bad ass ice cream places, which are like 5 bucks for a one scoop sundae, but otherwise entirely bad ass. I mean, Baskin Robbins puts out some damn fine ice cream sundaes. Every time they land a movie promotion and make a specialty dish for it I am like damn, get e some of that action. If you ever make it into one of the 2 or 3 Baskin Robbins locations in the country and try one of these sundaes you will be blown away both by the deliciousness and the tininess. You get like two bites and then you can sop up all the melted cream and leftover syrup. I've seen larger nipples on a fly. Let me assure you that my dessert did not fall victim to this problem
Two ads which have annoyed me in the last 10 minutes. 1) ESPN's ad arguing that the X-Games have defined a generation of sports fans. Am I part of that generation or are they referring to like the generation just below me. I guess I can't say for sure, but I don't think the X-Games have defined a generation of anything. Yes, they are big now and weren't before. Yes this is only now become an actual sport. It still seems like there are about 100 billion more fans of every generation who enjoy basketball etc. more than the X-Games. Not a very humorous observation, but one which has been pissing me off. That was the only qualification to make it into this section. Fuck you. 2) What may be the most accurate of all the analogies the anti-drug lobby has come up with yet, wherein not talking to your friends about their problems with drinking or drugs is like letting them drown. Brilliant, thats exactly what its like. When you pull every fucking analogy you can think of and end up blowing things way out of proportion even the accurate things you say sound like bullshit. Learn something from the startling lack of effectiveness the tobacco commercials are dealing with. Shit, I can't find that link. I will keep looking, but its a sweet article which is seriously asking why tobacco rates are rising among younger and younger teens in light of the prevalance of anti-tobacco ads. It was hilarious.
This seems like an especially weak entry, and for that I apologize. I had no focus today, in any department and it shows in my work. My bad jeuce.
Peace,
MB-K
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