Cause We're Protected By the Covenant of Words and Butt

It has been a long time, I know, a very very long time. I apologize, the whole working at Wal-Mart getting home really late and being tired thing is killin me. I mean, its not literally killing me, but its annoying. Not to mention that without Katie here I never really remember to play around with the computer. I don't know why that is, but since we tend to discuss more about debate shit that occurs on the web, maybe I have to keep up with it more closely in those circumstances. Anyway, I will try to be somewhat more frequent in my updates before I go home for the wedding, and will probably be virtually incognito for that 2 or so weeks. Maybe I am wrong and I will have some time in Minneapolis to drop a line or two. Anyway, don't trust me.

So what has happened that has been of interest. Lets see. I discovered that Wanda Sykes can be funny. That was a fairly significant shock, but she was hilarious. She appeared on the latest Celebrity Poker thing with Mena Suvari, ultimate winner Rosario Dawson, Jerome Bettis, and Travis Tritt. Anyway, I never would have seen these comments, about hillbilly country music, pedophiliac relations to Mena, etc. coming, but they were good. If you enjoy watching poker on TV you should try this episode out whenever it returns to Bravo, which based on their usual schedule, would be about 2 to 3 times every day. Other TV news includes the ambiguous beginning of the now completely hip summer season. Take for instance Summerland, the WB's crazy-mixemup of The O.C. and Party of Five. Aunt Becky of Full House isn't with Uncle Jessie, but she is a fashion designer in some hip California beach town living with an ex-boyfriend, her business partner, and a hard-partying good looking young surf-shop owner. When Aunt Becky (who I will refer to in this fashion as long as Summerland is on the air) inherits her sister's three children mayhem, hilarity, and maybe, just maybe, love, will ensue. It looks to be about on par with something like One Tree Hill. I am worried that the dead parents storyline will be too dominant, but there is already some good underage drinking and angst motifs to go along with the surfing and bikinis. There is definatively no one who matches up to Seth Cohen, but what do you expect from the WB. What is about the only other non-reality program of the summer (I mean, there is North Shore, but I have yet to be convinced that it is not simply going to be Melrose Place to The OC's 90210) Fox debuted The Jury last night in an attempt to remedy the fact that without David E Kelly they haven't had a successful legal show in the better part of a decade. The show is ehh--I like the idea of focusing on the jury to examine a murder case, but that means that a huge majority of the relevant characters do not continue between programs. You've got judges and DAs who are consistent, but its hard to imagine that there is really going to be much audience involvement in a story with three recurrent characters. The show is obviously an attempt to capture whatever it is that CSI realized, looking at somewhat odd murder cases from a non-detective-lawyer standpoint (which, while often interesting, has been done since Perry fucking Mason and Columbo). I don't think anything in the first two episodes gave me any expectation that it will be a hit or critically acclaimed, the cases were offbeat but not CSI quality and the acting was, with the exception of the dude who played Warren who is like the jury-rounder upper, subpar.

As we speak I am watching one of my all time favorite reality shows, Last Comic Standing. I love stand up comedy in general, I am still fucking waiting for Comedy Central to come around and devote a channel to stand up 24-7, they have plenty of programs I think. They don't really have alot of stand up programs on anymore, like they used to with the A-List and Lounge Lizards etc. Regardless, those years are in the bank, you've got all the Comedy Central Presents and the Premium Blend which is still going on. You can just set up a camcorder at the Improv and air the feed as far as I am concerned. This season looks pretty strong, though it always is in the world of stand up. I am continually amazed that people show up on this program who I have seen many times before. I had seen Rick Voss and Geoff Brown, to begin with, last year, and while I dug them anyways I didn't get that they weren't yet made in the comedic world. This year LA's audition included Pablo Francisco, who I have seen many times and always enjoy. He does the movie-introducer voice thing with the Schwarzenegger movie Little Tortilla Boy. Anyway, if you didn't see one of the biggest reality screwjobs of all time last summer, make sure you catch it Tuesday nights this time around.

Work has been, how you say, workish this past week. We have been busy enough that it goes by relatively quickly and not so busy that I can't stand to be in the place. The only thing worth mentioning from work at all is the girl scouts who were outside the store today, selling their wonderful cookies. Katie's mom was considerate enough to purchase us a big case full of various kinds, but it unfortunately was without Samoas,the all time greatest girl scout cookie. Since over a nine day period in the spring-fall season there will be 20-30 different groups outside the exit doors selling or asking for random shit, I continued walking without even lloking to the table at the side. It took about 15 steps towards the car before I mentally registered what was going on behind me and bum rushed the old women surrounding the area. Some would say I overanxiously ripped through the crowd to grab a beautiful purple box, but since they had only three left the old guy who was making fun of me can go fuck himself. He will spend this evening drinking metamucil and failing to understand the concept of cable television, while I will skip eat my caramelly coconut cookies entirely certain that my body will process those delites in the proper fashion. Old people with attitiudes fucking eat shit, I mean, young people with attitudes can swallow it as well, but its just not the same. Rarely is it accompanied by the sense of entitlement and the complete ignorance of how things work these days, but I guess its certainly possible for some teenager to behave in the same fashion.

I wont dwell too much on the sporting events which have occurred since my last post, but a couple deserve note. The T-Wolves obviously bowed out to LA in game 6 but can't be too upset about the run this season, hopefully next year will produce a finals berth. The Pistons, the first Eastern Conference team I believe I have ever cheered for, are way closer in the first two games (well, not exactly close, but winning the first motherfucker) than they should be. Going back to Detroit tied is about as good as anyone could have possibly hoped for, so there is still a chance that Kiddie Porn Malone won't get the ring he so richly wants to shove up his own behind. Everytime I see that dude I want to just eat corn dogs. I am not sure how that relates to my undying hatred for everything he stands for, but it works. The other event which cannot go without mention is the Belmont, which was a very odd moment for me. I missed a couple minutes of work on a long lunch in order to see this race. I was tremendously excited for it, I had been looking forward for all three weeks between after the Preakness. There was something about the call of that race, the announcer's "Oh, this is something special" as Smarty pulled away on the homestretch. When, at that last moment, fucking Birdstone jumped ahead of him, I was devestated. I mean, I didn't lose sleep over it, and I wasn't worried about anything in the larger scheme of things, but I had a very Tony Soprano moment, like the ducks had left the pool. I don't know why it is that I want to see a triple crown winner so badly, but I do. I am genuinely frightened that it will never happen again. Frightened may not be the right word, but worried certainly. I guess it has more similarity to the Tony Soprano thing than I first realized, because the only justification that I can possibly come up with is that I want to be a part of something great. I mean, I can't really say I want to be a part of it, since that implies having something to do with the process, rather than just watching three 2 minute races. I dont want to go all weepy or anything but I want to be able to say that I saw it. I have seen someone shatter 61*, I've seen the Packers win a superbowl, and I know I can't ask for too much more in the sports department. I guess horse racing hops back into the seat with lacrosse and bocce ball until at least the Breeder's Cup.

Alright, I am getting back to the swing of things, but my concentration is still failing me somewhat, so let me work my way back in. I have seven more work days before I get to retrun to Minneapolis. Look forward to seeing everyone in town and telling those of you not in town to go fuck themselves.

Peace,

MB-K