Can't Get the Stink Off, It's Been Hanging Round For Butt

So Katie asked me what she should suggest is served at some bridal shower for her that someone is throwing. The details aren't important here. Well, a couple details are important here, but I haven't gotten to them yet. Here they are: the people throwing this shower are veg-heads, they are nice, good friends of Katie and her family. Katie wanted to ask me what some luncheon style foods that she would like might be. Another relevant detail is that Katie hates mayonnaise. No is the answer to the obvious question, she doesn't hate eggs or oil when not emulsified, which is all mayonnaise is, but nonetheless. Hence, what would normally be the obvious choices, pasta salds, chicken salads, etc are out of the question. For the most part I back up these decisions. Pasta salad swallows the stuff which its sauce looks like. Pasta shouldn't be served cold and salads need to involve lettuce, preferably good non-iceberg lettuces. My suggestion was sandwiches, but since no meat is involved in this situation a sandwich is really just a salad on bread. Katie told me that I wasn't being helpful, and I wasn't, and then suggested that I think more summery. To which I responded with the obvious answer, barbecue. Of course you can't really have barbecue without meat, I mean I guess you could grill some veggies, but thems side-dishes by anyone's definition of the term. Finally, I realized what the problem is and I was best able to explain it via analogy.

Having a dinner or lunch party without meat is like inviting your guests over to dinner, then when you answer the door, instead of getting them a drink and some food, just punching them in the face. This needs the premise I always include when I josh on the non-fleshially inclined. You can eat whatever the fuck you want, I don't care. You are allowed to make that choice as you obviously should be. Eat cat feces if you want, so long as I can still get a double-porter at Mannys. The point is however, you can't throw an eating intensive party type thing and not have fucking meat. You can have a party without meat, maybe its an evening soiree and there are just chips and dip and shitty around, fine. Thats cool. You can even have a very casual get together without any meat, Kiarianna almost never had non-vegetarian food at reading groups, virtually every dinner I've had with a class at some random profs house was meat free, thats cool. The focus of the thing wasn't eating, it was just a bonus beyond class. You just have a couple over for pizza or something, chure. All good. You could even get away with it if you do some specification like "Vegetarian Dinner" or something, though I can't imagine you are going to get many people to show up with that kind of an invite. You might as well just write "Don't Even Bother" on the RSVP line of the invitation, it'll save everyone alot of time. If we are talking serious eating, time to get down and fucking munch (hehhheheheheheheh ;) ) you need some actual food. Admittedly, I doubt I will get invited to many bridal showers over the course of my life, though you never can tell. Even so, if I was a person who did get invited to bridal showers and had spent several afternoons in my life chowing on weak Earl Gray and Watercress Tea-Sandwiches, I would be overjoyed to show up to the scent of pulled pork sandwiches, BBQ beans, and cornbread. I would proclaim it Greatest Bridal Shower ever on the spot. That is that.

Whoa, Karl Malone's daughter is kinda cute. Thats fucked up, how does that work out. It forces me to rethink my whole total hatred of Karl Malone. Well, it doesn't reallly force me to rethink it, but it almost complicates it. Not really. What it does prove is my theory that Jan's girlfriend has the least reason to exist of anyone in all of time, because even Karl Malone, someone fimly in contention for that coveted title, has a hot daughter.

I get to come home in like 4 days. Its gonna be sweet. I think I forgot to mention, and I don't know how I fucking forgot to mention this, because it has been the only thing I have really been doing besides watching TV, but I have been hanging out with a stuffed pug dog that Katie sent me as a fantastic present last week. I named him William the Puggy, and I call him Spike for short. It was inevitable that I would name someone or thing after the Buffyverse, and since Katie has repeatedly shot down both Willow Rosenpug and Alyson Hannipug (as well as the non-Buffy related, but still good, Maggie Gyllenpug and Vladimir Pugtin). I really dig Spike, he is officially my best friend in Buffalo, beating out No One and his brother Stupidhead Fuckface. He watches TV with me all day and goes to sleep about the same time I do. Its hella convenient. Spike is originally from St. Paul, but he was a very young puppy when he lived there, so I doubt he remembers it well. We will have to introduce him to the finer things that accompany a Minnesota lifestyle, money, cash, hoes, etc.

Alright, I am going to root the Pistons on in their last 8 minute push against the fucking Lake-show. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot.

Peace,

MB-K