Make sure you stretch the word butt out at the end of that one in order to accurately hear the lyric. Bu-uh-uh-uh-utt. Something along those lines. The inspiration comes both from the fact that tonight, at the Wal-Mart, there was a free Avril concert sponsored by AOL for Broadband and Wal-Mart which broadcast on the Wal-Mart TV Network. It was actually only about 25 minutes long, she did the title track to this post, Sk8r Boi, a couple on the new album, and Complicated. It was a good show. I didn't get to watch all of it, since I was working and shizzle, but it was a nice distraction while we were busy. The other reference is to the fact that this was on the CD which I listened to most often on my ride back to the Twin Cities, from Buffalo, approximately two weeks ago. It is there from which we will begin...
I got up early, started driving. I easily made it to Pennsylvania with no problems. I stopped and got some gas, since I had only put enough into the tank to get out of the New York State Exorbitant Gas Price Zone. I also picked up a couple of dem Bacon Egg and Cheese McGriddle dealies at the local MickeyD's and hit the road again. Right after I finished my sammiches the skies decided to open the fuck up and sheets of rain poured onto the car for the next twenty or so minutes. I litterally could not see anything besides the lights of the van in front of me. I don't know how the dude driving that van could see enough to stay on the road, maybe his wipers are alot better than mine, or he is just a riskier dude. Either way his taillights are the only reason I did not have to pull over into a dead stop. This stopped fairly soon and I got back to normal for a while, but within the next hour shit happened again, and again. All in all I estimate I spent just more than an hour between the Pennsylvania border and Cleveland driving no faster than 20 mph. It blew. After I got within the city of Drew Carey fame things let up. I stopped at the 2nd nice rest stop (on the Ohio stretch of the drive there are 4 shitty rest stops and 2 nice ones, the nice ones being really nice and the shitty ones being especially shitty, though, the place is currently in the process of transubstantiating one of the shitty into one of the sweet, which is even cooler than water into wine, more like piss into Kool-Aid, probably Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid because they don't even make that motherfucker anymore) and had Burger King's new Angus Steakburger, and let me tell you that it is great. I know alot of people don't share my flavor for fast food cheeseburgers, but I would place it right behind the Double-Quarter as my favorite fast food burger. I had it with bacon and cheese and onions and Western style with BBQ sauce, and it roxored. Make a stop where you can have it your way if you get a chance.
I drove the rest of the way to Chicago on a fucking tear, without stopping once I believe. My gas mileage was good, I smoked a cigar to get me through the dreary hell that is the Central-Ohio-Indiana scenery, and I listened to a Mitch Hedberg CD I had burned the other day. (my apartment is infested with koala bears, its the cutest infestation ever, way cuter than cockroaches, everytime i turn on the lights a bunch of koala bears scatter, and i don't want em too, I'm like, hey fellas, hold on, lemme hold one of you, and feed you a leaf). It was one of those driving moments you would assemble into a brief montage a la Britney Spear's classic Crossroads illustrating my half cross country drive. I hit Chicago at the worst possible fucking time and opted to go South on 80 rather than driving through downtown. I will never know if that was the right decision, it very well might have been, because even though it took me two and a half motherfucking hours to get from the Illinois-Indiana border to the Western side of the Metro area. It blew, I was dead fucking stopped most of that time. It was a beautiful afternoon-evening, so I rolled down the windows and blasted a CD which most notably featured The Darkness and most of Copper Blue. The rest of the drive was cake, for two reasons, 1) I was only going to Madison, so it was just another hour and 2) I stopped and bought some cupcakes. I met my bro in Mad-town at some Comedy Club where his friend was doing a set. She was okay, several people were ridiculously bad. One dude, who for some reason went on for like half an hour without receiving a single laugh, thought that the best routine to do in a pretty liberal college town was a series of homophobic jokes highlighted by the word "poopdick." Don't get me wrong, the word poopdick could be funny, in some contexts at least. Jimmy Fallon did some comedic silver with the offshoot "poopwiener" in an entiely non-bigoted fashion, though I must admit that for this purpose "wiener" is a better closer than "dick." Irregardless, me and my bro got some time to talk, I bought him a beer, and we ended up heading out fairly early. We went to Wendy's, I bought my bro some eats, since he was pitifully poor and without a job at the time. It was nice that we got a while to hang out and talk without other people, since usually we only see each other back in the TC with all the folks around. His apartment was more than a little messy, approaching house-style proportions since he had apparently been essentially living with Melia's rents for the past couple weeks. We ended up going down the street to Ali and Rachelle's place and hanging out with some people while watching some of BTVS S6. It was fun. Melia came over that night and we all talked about random shitty for a while before going to sleep. My bro and I went out for McGriddles the next morning and got to spend another half hour before I was on the road. The drive into town was nothing, I mean nothing. I met Katie at work, we went to Arby's, and I went to see the Sanj.
That afternoon Sanj and I had a couple beers, hung out, took a surprise phone call from one Ms. Nicole Richter, and went to Michael's craft store. The beers and hanging out can go without explanation, but the other two were a little weird. Nikki called to let Sanjay know she was getting married in July and that he and Maroney were the only members of the old crew to receive the invite. I think that is weak and can't really justify why. I know she was close to Sanjay, especially surrounding the whole Alice thing, and that makes sense to me. They have a lot in common in some fucked up ways. I know she likes Maroney, who doesn't fucking love Maroney how can you not fucking love Maroney, but I didn't think she was really that close to him. I mean, I think she talked to Wilking and I alot more than she ever talked to Maroney about anything. I could understand her not inviting anyone she was really close to in those days--but that would exclude the Sanj. I would understand her excluding the people she fucked two at a time--but it wasn't just Wilking and Andy who aren't coming. I should note that I don't really care, I probably couldn't be there anyway, and its not like I inivited her to my wedding, but it seemed weird.
The other event of that Friday afternoon was Sanjay and I going to look for wedding favors. I am pretty sure that we were the only two younger twenty something shady looking straight dudes to walk into a Michael's craft store that week and ask several questions about the multicolored jordan almonds. Though, as Sanjay says, what two straight men do in their spare time is nobody's business. That was only one of the many preparations for the week which I will get to later. That officially covers two days of the last two or so weeks. I will try to break things up to keep them somewhat managable. Back later, going to work now.
Peace,
MB-K
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