1) Mark Burnett is god. Seriously, if Mark Burnett made a reality show about people who like Froot Loops, I would watch it. This guy can do no freaking wrong and this is no exception. If you don't like reality TV I guess this isn't a reason for you, but I don't know any fans who don't live to see that flaming logo.
2) Imagine this: American Idol with rock music. Thats right, take out all the crappy songs and replace them with rock and roll music, people who sound like they're fronting a band instead of a choir performance. There's nothing wrong with those things, notably, but in my world they just can't compare. Thats also not to say that the people on this show don't have tremendous talent, cuz jobviously they do. The stuff that Kelly Clarkson is doing now (Hazel Eyes, Since You've Been Gone) proves how well that works, women with tremendous voices who don't just do Celine Dion. Think when Carrie did Heart's "Alone" this year or several of Bo's performances. I know its a little early to say for sure, and I'm sure it can never compete ratings wise, but this show looks potentially better than AI.
3) Jordis Unga. She's cute, she has awesome dreds, she's from St. Paul. She's my jobvious favorite, from the first moment on the screen. She sang Nirvana and The Who and while its hard to say that she is the favorite, she's certainly in contention. She's got a pretty rock-metal voice, so that may play into my opinion, Even if for some reason you don't like Jordis (shame on you) there are at least 4-5 other people on this show who are pretty sweet.
Anyway, watch RockStar, its good. Back to the MN trip. Had I been going strictly chronologically I would have technically missed one significant event, but there is not really anything I can say about it that hasn't been set to music and chronicled by Bietz. It was fun and delicious and t-shirt riffic. I did eat a little too much beef, all in all, with the Nookie, a stop at Mannings, and the trip to Assbraska, but still good.
We turn then to the weekend: since Katie was at camp I figured that I would join the collective of homeboys/girls who were making the trip to Mil-a-wau-kee (in the immortal words of Alice Cooper) for the Twinkies road-stand at Miller Park. I didn't join them the year, but was excited to finally see the stadium. I rode with Kevin and Andy J leaving on Friday night. Thor and Ari followed us, Maroney and Reut came down after work, my bro and Melia were already in Madison (which, I should note, is where we stayed) and Wilking and New Jenswick met us at the park. Regardless, we drove, listening to alot of music that typically wasn't my thing, but allowed me to relax and enjoy the drive. It was broken up by the Beach Boys and some Beck (mebbe you could've guessed that Kevin was in charge). Despite my best attempts, this was the best artistic shot of Andy J drinking Propel fitness water that I could come up with:
We checked into the Red Roof Inn and eventually made our way to food and beer. Eventually ended up at some joint called the Great Dane which, while named after a truly excellent dog breed and a Mad-town institution, was a bit disappointing on being out of the two beers I would have most enjoyed drinking. At least I got some New Glaurus at dinner and a decent micro-brewed pilsner. My bro and Malia had met us by then and joined us back at the hotel, where we continued the party in anticipation of Maroney and Reut. Ari came strong with a couple bottles of wine, so we were good until they showed up in the 3:45ish area. To show exactly how hard the party was rocking I give you Ari and Thor:
The next morning featured the absolute worst grocery store run in all of history. We took about an hour, spent an unknown amount of money, but managed to get just about everything we needed, save napkins. There were burgers and brats and beer and condiments, and hotdogs, and to be honest, that was about all we cared about. Still it took forever and we were on the road to Milwaukee maybe 45 minutes late. Didn't much matter though, since we were still amongst the first wave of tailgaters and had a quality spot. Reuter got mad along the way because we kept confusing him with a Asian gang member:
I still think that this photo generally summarizes the experience:
but there were people there besides Maroney's half-drunk Corona with lime. For instance, my brother and Backwards Malia (who were the only ones smart enough to bring chairs).
The ballpark was gorgeous
we got to see Santana pitch
and Wilking and Jen were doing it as always.
We all drank quite a bit, though I thought Reuter's bottle of scotch was without question the classiest set up. A really really intelligent lady who was collecting money for either some homeless shelter or a scam came up and at first scared us cuz she acted like she was going to give us a ticket. Instead she joked around with us, got a dollar or two from everybody, and passed out stickers which were variously attached to Wilking's genitals:
(sorry I can't make that right side up)We ate a bunch of burgers and hot dogs and brats during two distinct grill sessions. It was a strong way to spend a summer Saturday afternoon. Freaking Twins lost, but we got to see Torii and Shannon Stewart go yard. The only time I can ever really care about baseball is when I'm back at home, and the stadium alone was totally worth the trip. I can't imagine how awesome it would be if the TC could get something like that accomplished. I rode back with Reut Dawg, Kevin, and Maroney, in the back of Reuter's car with a passed out Maroney. This was a reasonable play, notableuce, since there was nothing to do and drinking in the hot sun can take alot out of you. When we did arrive back at the Red Roof Inn it took us a while to mobilize Maroney, and when we did, he leaned just a bit too far and stumbled down a small hill finally causing this:
That is, knocking down the fence, or at least a segment of it. I was amazed that he didn't tumble straight through it, but he righted himself enough to get back upstairs so he could continue drinking. I don't think anyone realized until the next morning that we may have had a former Maroney, had he gone about another 2-3 feet beyond the fence line
a drop that is estimated, depending on who you ask, between 12-25 feet. My guess is near 20, but I'm not a measuring tape or nothin, whadda I know.
Two final hilarious stories:
1) At one point hanging around the RRI we flipped through the Adult Desires section of pay-per view. While there were several quality double features and alot of girl on girl action, everything else was blown away by Latex Housewives, which anyone can tell you are characterized by three adjectives: Slutty, Bored, and (you guessed it) Horny. We joked about how desperately this movie needed to be ordered and it wasn't until Maroney pressed the wrong button on the remote that it actually ended up on Thor's credit card. It was legitimately hilarious and lived up entirely to its name. It was during the film that Maroney and I discovered exactly how difficult it is to fall asleep with porno in the background. Very disconcerting. I was sad I had to miss the disclosure to Thor, but Andy J and I were out early the next morning.
2) Kevin was being all Kevin-like on Saturday night, so after we decided to hit the hay, Kevin announced that instead of sharing a bed with someone, he was going to build a fort using a comforter, two chairs, and the table. It was in fact, a high quality fort, which happened to be located immediately next to my bed. In fact, one of the chairs of which it made use was the chair on which I had set my wallet, phone, etc. So in the middle of the night, around 4 in the morning, when I reached over to my phone to find out exactly what time it was, I had to lift up the corner of the blanket and was immediately confronted by the accusation: "You're breaching the walls of my fort!" I swear he was waiting to use that line all night. If you know Kevin, that one's a classic.
Alright, Hippo and I are gonna watch Elisha Cuthbert's "The Girl Next Door" which I believe was just selected as AFI's Greatest Teen Movie About Porn Stars. Hippo says meow.
Peace,
MB-K
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