Since we’ve been home, we went to Bard for the first time. That was the inaugural tournament of CEDA East’s spring semester and Rochester did, kind of legitimately at least, rock the hizzy. We had a novice team lose in finals, an open team go down in semis (both 2-1s btw) and closed out JV in semis, winning three of our four quarters debates on 3-0s. Anyway, it was a quality weekend overall, excluding the shittiness of the drive home. I got to watch the Super Bowl over the weekend on my beautiful TV. I didn’t think it was the best game of the year, jobviously, but it wasn’t nearly as terrible as the rubes on national and Buffalo sports radio made it out to be. There were some bad calls, there were some blown plays. I didn’t get to watch as much of the Puppy Bowl as I did last year, unfortunately. Even more unfortunate is that I missed the kitten halftime show, I guess I just left the Rolling Stones on while I whipped up round two of Super Bowl appetizers. I had a concoction made of proscuitto and gruyere, rolled and baked in puff pastry. My pastry skills are significantly lower than most of my other culinary abilities, so they didn’t turn out nearly as well as Paula had manufactured them on Christmas Eve. On the other hand, my bacon wrapped water chestnuts were very possibly the best that have ever been produced. I can honestly say that bwwc’s might be the only food I have never had the opportunity to eat more than I want of. I mean, I had four Double Quarter Pounders back in the day, I’ve eaten steaks that are far too large for any human being, and I took down most of a gallon of ice cream in one sitting back in the day. At least I have an idea for my next solo celebratory function.
We are actually at the Binghamton tournament now, after a pretty pleasant drive on the way down here. I genuinely hate this debate tournament, it tends to be really long. There is also a bunch of silly Valentine's Day related stuff that I think borders somewhere between annoying and sexual harrassment. Nonetheless, the competition itself should be interesting, we have alot of teams moving up, a good number of new people who seem enthusiastic, and a pretty good sized squad (12 teams).
Here is my one observation for the day: most people who go to Applebees suck. Tonight, as we all gathered to determine where we are going for dinner, a tremendous swelling of enthusiasm for Applebees ensued. I have literally never seen so much enthusiasm for an Applebees. Thats not to say that people were dancing in the hotel parking lot Mardi Gras style, but we're talking about going to Applebee's here, lets put it in perspective. Given that the object in question was "Going to Applebees" there was an outswell of love which, per capita, far surpassed that of, say, the moon landing. (punctuation count for that last sentence: 7 seperate marks) Anyway, there was a great cross section of the American public, most notable:
-the woman at the table behind us had really terrible bangs. I mean, its gotta mean something if I can notice how bad your bangs are. She looked like the manicure lady from Legally Blonde if you took away any semblance of attractiveness. Merkel turned around to look at her in the least subtle way ever.
-the d00d accross from us was wearing a baseball hat which featured the Confederate flag as the background, with a 12 point buck in front of it. The text below it: "American Outlaw." I suppose to one extent its true, you could call the confederacy "American Outlaws." At the same time though, you are not exactly celebrating the American part are you? Isn't the whole point of the confederacy that it wasn't America? Not to mention, where the fuck does the deer play into this. I at least expect some thought to go into your racist headwear. Don't you have something a little dressier, maybe a burning cross on a bowler or something, for your high scale trips to the city?
-the girl who walked by our table prolly more times than our waitress, wearing white sweatpants that were either entirely see-thru, or simply see-thru enough that you could determine precisely her lack of underwear. It wasn't porno style, but it was glaring. Lavin pulled a sweet Merkel following her around the corner.
After we had finished our dinner, paid, and were standing outside I was doing what I usually do. By that I mean, swearing loudly to make passerby uncomfortable and groove dancing to the ricokculously loud 80s music that Applebees featured as their "Welcome" music. At some point they replaced Duran Duran's "Rio" with Jewel's "I Was Meant For You." The thing about that song, besides the fact that it was from way back before Jewel lost like 50 pounds so she looked like Skeletor and then became a shitty poet (general summary of Jewel's poetry: living out of your car sucks), is that its nothing more than her narrating the random unexciting events of her day. As an example:
I got my eggs and my pancakes too/I got my maple syrup, everything but you./I break the yolks, make a smiley face/I kinda like it in my brand new place/I wipe the spots off the mirror/Don't leave the keys in the door
I mean, I get that there are some metaphors and imagery in that bad boy, but for the most part you could call the song "I had breakfast." I'm just sayin, if I could yodel...
Hippo's not here, of course, but she said to say hello when I talked to her via the CatPhone earlier. As always shes having some kitten friends over for a keg of cream and some pounce treats. They better not ash their catnip pipes all over the carpet, we just vaccuumed.
Peace,
MB-K
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