There is virtually nothing in the realm of possibility which can happen which will top what just happened on the VMAs. I mean, don't get me wrong, the VMAs have a long history of incredible performances. I could list them, and probably will at some point. The point however is that the show opened and the curtain raised while we hear the recognizable melody of the classic "Like a Virgin." We are all excited at this point if for no other reason than that we know Madonna will be performing.
Madonna mixing something up with "Like a Virgin" is already cool. Who knows what could go down. Then MTV was like "check this shit out" so the lyrics begin obviously not sung by Madonna. If you are me, or if you are much like me, you already know who it is. If not, it will be only another second before the veiled woman in a wedding dress reveals herself as BRITNEY MOTHERFUCKING SPEARS!!! This is without question the coolest moment in many many years. Britney is singing Madonna, it doesn't get much better. We have some suspicions, but we just enjoy Britney's rendition of the first verse. Before the second verse can begin however, Britney steps aside to allow another veiled woman onto the stage. She begins the second verse and reveals herself as the less astonishing but still important Christina Aguilera. Pretty sweet huh, Britney and Christina on stage singing one of the greatest pop songs of all time.
They do a verse or so and moan "Touched for the very first time" a couple rounds. Then what we have all been expecting takes place. Even though we all saw it coming, it blows us away. We move to the edge of the couch, clapping and cheering as the only female artist in human history who arguably tops Britney Spears ascends the wedding cake. In a black corseted suit, Madonna herself appears in contrast to the be-dressed damsels of the girl-pop universe. She begins to sing Hollywood and removes her own jacket as the younger women dismantle their gowns down to bustiers with a skirt or shorts. They dance around, Madonna sings a verse or two. I am really just paying attention to the dancing and Madonna is paying attention to the ladies with her. She grinds a litte with them, she gives Britney her hat, which, I must add, Britney plays with adorably.
Now we get down to the nitty gritty. Madonna is kneeling down between the women after they accompany her down to the front of the stage. She leans to her left and sensually rubbing Christina's leg, she removes her garter and tosses it to the lucky front row fans. Those fans are lucky for only a second as the distraction may cause them to miss the greatest TV moment of all time. Madonna turns to Britney spears and FUCKING PLANTS ONE ON HER!! MADONA AND BRITNEY SPEARS KISSED ON TELEVISION!!! ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME!! MADONNA AND BRITNEY SPEARS FUCKING KISSED!! THEY SHOWED IT LIKE THREE TIMES!! THEY KISSED!!! OH MY GOD GET WITH IT!!! FUCKING A PEOPLE!! BRITNEY AND MADONNA KISSED !!! IT IS NO LONGER SIMPLY HAPPENING IN OUR DREAMS, IT IS AN HONEST TO GOODNESS BUTTFUCKINGLY REAL OCCURRENCE!!!
Even though you may have known some of this is coming its still like the moment before your dinner comes at a really good restaurant and you are fucking hungry as shit. Its not a surprise or anything. You ordered it and now it is here. All your experience suggests that this outcome will follow this process. It was a foregone conclusion that someday Britney and Madonna would at least jam together, if not record a single. I didnt see the kiss coming, but its like when the wait-person drops the news that you get a free dessert and that dessert is incredible. Enough with the fucking dinner analogy.
Beyond that the show has so far been good. I am typing as I watch, so I apologize if this becomes somewhat excessive. Chris Rock had a pretty funny monologue, I won't rehash all the jokes. A classic Olsen twins R. Kelly comment which always gets a laugh from me, no matter how many times its suggested. Lebron James was awful in his dialogue with Ashanti. Good Charlotte was okay but their performance was way overshadowed by Chris Rock's follow up joke: "Good Charlotte, more like a mediocre Green Day." Great line and overall his quips were solid.
After that there were no significant moments until Christina peformed. She was okay but 1) she chose the wrong first song-opening with "Dirty" but correctly following it up with a version of "Fighter" 2) she was out of breath the whole time and couldnt really catch up. I don't know if that is just how she performs or if it was the fucking corsety thing constricting her lungs. Regardless, it didnt even stack up to even the lamest Britney track. Not that Britney has any lame tracks, but still. Britney doing a Celine Dion cover would still be cooler than this.
There have not been any significant surprises since then. I mean its a standard VMA and I am just not as in tune with the hip kids anymore. Good Charlotte isn't that exciting and to be honest, neither is 50 Cent or Mary J Blige. I have always tried to like Ms. J Blige, but I just haven't succeeded. Its alot like trying to like the new blue Froot Loops. I mean, why wouldnt I like them, they are still Froot Loops, they just don't taste that good.
Alright, I am just going to post this. I will talk further if warranted by the circumstances. Lets see if they come strong with a GNR style return to close down the show.
Peace,
MB-K
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