I have, in the course of the past two days, witnessed two of the worst examples of the entertainment industry that currently exist.
The first was sandwiched in between two very very good films which Katie and I saw yesterday. We hit up the Transit Drive-In down the street to take in the labor day threeway, the last big weekend of the year. The Disney ads that have been so popular on TV over the past several weeks were showing together, Finding Nemo, Freaky Friday, and Pirates of the Carribean. We hadnt seen any of these films. I have wanted to see Nemo since the days I saw the advertisements in the first place. I really enjoy these Pixar films and cute animals don't hurt. The only good non eating fish is an animated fish, so it was really my cup of tea.
It was really quite funny and I would imagine that I will have it on DVD at some point. If you get the chance to watch Nemo, I recommend it. If you hated Monsters Inc and-or Toy Story, leave it alone, but also, get a fucking heart you soul-less prick. Elen Degeneres as Dori (sic) redeems her entire career in my mind as the ambitious fish who has lost her short term memory and the dude from Everybody Loves Raymond is solid as the aquarium bound puffer fish.
Freaky Friday was among the worst films of all time. Seriously, it was without question the worst film I have ever seen on the big screen. I would imagine that I have, very late on Cinemax or in my renting awful horror films with Matt B. phase, seen worse films, but never have I seen one in the theater. Admittedly, the Drive-In is a special form of the theater, its not like we paid just to see Jamie Lee Curtis (whom I like ever so much when she is acting like a dual-gendered adult) badly impersonate a teenager in the body of an adult. Nonetheless, it wasn't like renting it. It was just fucking bad. My statement last night to Katie was that “Freaky Friday was the worst movie I have ever seen in the theater, and I saw Super Mario Bros. on opening night.”
Pirates of the Caribbean is awesome. I fucking love Johnny Depp, he and Brad Pitt have arguably the sexiest and overall highest quality voices of all time. The special effects are really good and it may simply be that I like the aesthetics of pirate times. The music is good, the whole swashbuckling motif, its all sweet. You should definitely see this movie. Take the example of the people in the car next to us. Get ripped, see Finding Nemo, spend the entirety of Freaky Friday outside your car getting stoned, then rock out with hottie extraordinaire Johnny Depp as he plays Captain John Sparrow.
The second is likely unavailable to most people reading as I found it only due to my proximity to the great state (by which I mean awful country) of Canadia (Katie tribeuce). Actually, I did not even technically find this example, Katie herself did. It is, and I shit you not, I can provide internet based support, Canadian Idol. Canadian Idol, as you might have gathered, is the Canadian version of American Idol. You might think that it would simply be a little more lame than American Idol, especially because it is a rip off. I mean, the judges will be different and it would simply be a copy.
You would be right of course, it is a lame copy. But that is not all. Keep in mind that Canada is a big fucking country. I mean geographically its fucking huge and population wise its not much smaller than the US. Maybe I am wrong about that, but I think it is close to accurate. You would think then, that there would be at least a couple of decently talented people in Canada and maybe they would audition for Canadian Idol. Now, I cannot, of course, categorically reject the position that Canada has talented people. I can however, demonstrate that they did not make it to the final four contestants on Canadian Idol.
Seriously check out this website (www.idol.ctv.ca). Look at some of the contestants, for instance the last three. There are a couple things you should note:
1) They are not attractive-have you seen Billy Klippert, did you even look at him. Fucking look at Billy Clippert. He is fucking bald. He is not even like a cute prematurely balding guy. I am not even saying that bald people can’t be attractive or can’t be the Canadian Idol or that going prematurely bald is bad. Billy Kilppert, however, is not an attractive bald. He is going bald in the same way the guy you knew in high school who started working at the bowling alley his junior year and is still working at the bowling alley today is going bald. The bleached blonde balding look was never really cool. Its like he was a poseur when he took the night off from City Limits to go see Rancid at First Ave and he is still a poseur today, only now he is trying to use that “punk rock” image to make his “I don’t want to miss a thing” cover look cool.Don’t get me wrong, I have some problems with the basic idea of poseur-dom. I don’t think you should have to safety pin an Op-Ivy thing to your jean jacket and tattoo a bar code on your neck to like punk music. I don’t own an outfit which wasn’t purchased at Daytons but I’ve spent many a night in the clown lounge and I don’t think I was too out of place. Nonetheless, I think there is some difference between me and Billy. Maybe I will talk more about it later. Its not like Gary or Ryan (or whatever their fucking names are) are much better. I mean, they aren’t as nasty as Billy, but they suck. They aren’t even really like not great looking people whom fill a niche-you’ve got Ruben, the big teddy bear fat guy-you’ve got Clay as the dorky guy who is all hot underneath. Ryan isn’t the hot dork, he is just a fucking dork. A big fucking stupid dork with bad glasses. They are not attractive, not really at all.
2) They cannot fucking sing-listen to them. You can get steaming video clips about everyone. Make sure you check out Billy Klippert, dude is bad. After that head to Jenny Gear. She was eliminated before Billy, and rightfully so, but oh my god she is so fucking bad. There is no way someone like that wouldn’t even make the first cut on American Idol. I don’t know that any of these people would make the trip to LA, Katie thinks a couple might. There is no question that none of them would make the top 10. DO NOT LEAVE THIS SITE WITHOUT CHECKING OUT MIKEY BUSTOS!!! He is the inspiration for this post obviously, and he just rocks. He isn’t quite extreme as Billy Klippert but wow, he is weird looking and he fucking blows. Like, he blows hard. And what a great name, Mikey Bustos. Say the last name a couple times. You will love it.
3) The judges are very very cheap ripoffs of American Idols. There names are even rip offs of American Idol judges and they have no edge at all. I mean, Randy’s “yo dawg yo dawg yo yo yo yo dawg” is fucking Cosmo Kramer in relation to this shit. Their Simon is like a really really flaming British hairdresser. Laughable.
Anyway, that is all. Canadian Idol is hilarious. For your reference, the hot chick got kicked off tonight. Billy Klippert was not even in the bottom 2. I am cheering for this tool.
Peace,
MB-K
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