Keep On Rocking In the Free Butt

So the glory days of East Amherst, NY are officially over. The whole fucking city can pack it up and move to Tallahasee as far as I am concerned, because John Stevens has been eliminated from American Idol. Its a moment which, while still very sad, is moderated by the fact that no one could have suspected he was gonna make it anywhere near this far. I loved the dude, he was both entertaining and from right down the road. Nonetheless, I wouldn't have put a dime on him making it to the top 6, I just didn't think he had the mass appeal. Apparently, and Simon mentioned this explicitly on Tuesday night, alot of his popularity had to do with how well he took his criticism. I liked that about him, but he was also apparently the nicest motherfucker in the land. Everyone was certainly sad to see him go. Anyway, he's only 16, and there is a long bright future ahead. Mad props John Stevens.

Ironically, it may have been this very kindness and likability which served as his "A.J.'s Butthole." But I digress.

Cola is an odd name for a brownish soda, don't you think. I mean where did this come from. I suppose I could just google it and read some shit, but why would I bother. Here is my theory: there once was a dude named Henry McSwizzleboheometh who lived in Maine. He wasn't pleased with the whole environment which he lived in, especially the fact that his oven never kept the house warm enough. Old Swizz, as his friends would have called him, were he to have any friends, which he didn't, because he lived in a really cold house and also he had a pet walrus, which would be a seperate story altogether. Regardless, Old Swizz had two problems, one, he could not spell worth a damn, and two, he often mistook the stove for his mouth. So one day, when he was really cold, he went to stoke the fire, but accidentally put the coal in his mouth. He then attempted to wash down the coal with a good swig of Pepsi. When someone asked him what he was drinking he wrote "cola," because of the combination of his inability to spell and the fullness of his mouth with coally soda. And that is why I like Species better than Species II.

Are all dark colored sodas technically cola, or is cola more like a specific flavor. If it is a flavor, where did it come from, I mean, is there a cola root which I am just unaware of. Maybe if you boil potatoes for like 2 weeks they turn into cola. That would save me so much fucking money. Maybe it would cost me alot of money. I'm not sure. Is Dr. Pepper a type of cola. Root beer. RC Cola tastes entirely different from Pepsi and you couldn't really even confuse it with Shasta, so where is the fucking cut off line.

I got nothing tonight. Momma said there'll be days like this.

Peace,

MB-K