We Built this City on Rock and Butt

While obviously continuing the blog titling theme which I think will frame this administration's tenure as blogginator, this title is in homage to what some dipfuck selected as the worst song of all time. Alright, you don't have to love Starship, you don't even really have to like them. You don't have to live in a city built on rock and roll, see if I fucking care, deny the reality of your world but the fact is that you obviously don't remember. You can say you don't know me, that you don't recognize my face. You could say you don't care who goes to that kind of place. The fact, you motherfucker, is that Ma Coley plays the mamba, so you should probably listen to the radio. Don't you bastards remember.

This list to which I am referring is occassionally correct obviously. I mean, yeah, Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" sucks some asspenis. You've got Toby Keith's monument to redneck jingoistic violence in "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue." Admittedly, this shit sucks hard core, entirely within the worst 50 ever, about as bad as possible. But many of these songs are brilliant. Ice Ice Baby is not one of the 50 worst songs of all time, Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up" is not one of the 50 worst songs of all time. Good quality pop music is not in that league. Yes, Ja-Rule and Ashanti can be on this list, they make formulaic burnt out urban-love shit, they aren't really talented, the music isn't especially entertaining, its not a cultural moment in the way some of these tunes are. Even though I put Celine Dion on the list of songs that are legitimately there, I almost just want to say that songs which are tremendously fucking popular cannot be one of the 50 worst. I won't go that far, but I am close. Anyway, go fuck yourself if you think "We Built this City" is the worst song ever.

Back in my college days, when I was at dear old Fuckalester, a couple people and I started a tradition of going out every Wednesday to the Trend Bar. If you've never been there, and the chances are pretty fucking high that readers of this blog have never fucking been there, let me give you a bit of ambience. The Trend Bar is located on the North side of University Avenue, about a block East of the intersection of Univesity and Snelling. Its right accross from the Perkins. Its in Midway. St. Paul. Minnesota. The United States. Thats where it is. Chure.

Its not the most beautiful area of the world, but its not Chechnya either. Within a couple blocks you've got Big V's and the Turf Club, two of my other fave St. Paul hotspots. The Trend Bar, however, does not really fit into the college and general St. Paul hipster crowd that the others bank on. I have never seen Sean Tilman in the Trend Bar. The Summit is a little cheaper than the Turf Club, the clientele is older and a little sketchier. I have never seen a woman enter this bar and not get hounded by a number of old, drunken, toothless men. It was par for the course. The women who went with us were well aware of what they were in for, and to be honest watching it happen was a big part of the fun. I don't think any one was ever in danger, we were never involved in any confrontation, and I was usually bigger than anyone in the joint. There were more than a few fights that broke out amongst the crowd, but they usually just involve some old guy smacking some other old guy and the two of them getting into mutual headlocks before being kicked out onto University Ave. The bar had some neon signs, there was an old TV in the corner. There is a maple bar and backing which would probably be quality if they were given a thorough cleaning and polishing. That bar is of course stacked with dusty bottles which get used almost never in comparison to the PBR and rail whiskey. I was surprised every week that their Summit tap worked, since I think the local "micro-brew" of choice at the Trend Bar was Premo. The tables are all off centered, the ashtrays are 50 cent K-Mart plastic, probably, the chairs are pretty much what you would find at your local VFW. They had one of those old table video-games, Ms. Pac-Man I think, where you sit down and play. There were two pool tables, I think, maybe only one, which was rarely in use. Anyway, the reason I thought of the Trend Bar was the jukebox.

I read the awards, probably City Pages best of ought-three, for Twin Cities best jukebox not long ago, and the Trend Bar wasn't there. I will entirely back up those awards, Turf, Triple Rock, and fucking Grumpy's pretty much pwn the jukebox deal, but Trend has the best 80s rock you will find not playing at the Medina Entertainment Complex. We had a pretty regular set going, some Whitesnake, maybe Slaughter, Cinderella, but without fail we rolled Starship every night. Anyway, one night, it was just Steve and I waiting for a couple others to show, we had gotten our first pitcher of Summit, we were rolling our cigarettes, since I think we were the only 5 person crew since the advent of the internet to sit together in a bar each rolling our own cigarettes from 5 different brands of rolling tobacco. Anyway, we had stuck a couple bucks in the juke, I think we were hearing "Here I Am-Rock You (Like a Hurricaine)" when we heard a significant bang. We acknowledged but wrote it off until they turned the music down during, well, I don't remember, but it was probably some Journey tune. We were about to complain when we saw the dude at the bar screaming that a couple dudes just shot at him. We had noticed the argument earlier, but hadn't paid too much attention. Apparently this dude followed these other two dudes outside, they got into their car, started to drive away, then put it in reverse, popped a cap at the dude, and took off. So basically it happened right behind where we were sitting, which was a little fucked up.

The funny part of the story, besides the cops interrogating everyone in the bar besides the two of us, was the dude describing what had happened. He would have had you believe that as he swore at them and attempted to duke it out in some genteel fashion, before they pulled a gat (it was actually apparently just a very low gauge rifle). Then with lightening reaction time, and he literally acted this out, he jumped and leaned to the right, just avoiding the speeding projectile. It was pretty fun to watch the dramatization.

Anyway, I am tired. More manana. By the way, classes are done. I rock.

Peace,

MB-K