So we rolled into O'Hare on Thursday afternoon. I have two brief observations on that airport:
1) It is too fucking big. What the fuck.
2) No offense Alejandro, no airline needs as many e-ticket check in spots as United has at this airport. They aren't even just in the concourses, there are like rows of them everywhere, in the parking garage, in every skyway thing, every hallway, practically in the fucking bathrooms. Yes, they are convenient, yes, its good that we can check in ourselves. Never in all of human history have even half these things been occupied at the same time. I think you could condense the airport from 5 to three terminals if you just controlled the population bomb of e-ticket check in places. At this rate in 20 years you won't even have to take a taxi to the airport, because every house, apartment, and hotel room in the greater Chicago area will have its own United e-ticket check in. The "L" will be replaced by the O'Hare monorail since Evanston will just become O'Hare Terminal 93859. Having money problems United? I understand war and terrorism and all fucks your profit margins, but maybe buying 40,000 computers to line up through each of 50 different food courts isn't the world's greatest investment when times are tough for air travel. If I'm running a deli that is struggling I don't order 500 extra "Pick Up Order Here" signs.
Having spent the last several days with three fairly small children I have several observations about them as well. For the moment, I will begin with the fact that there are a shocking number of things which you might say about either Andy Kemp or a pre-linguistic 1 1/2 year old toddler.
--I would pay so much money to know what is going through his head.
--Dude, why did you just throw that shit accross the room.
--He fucking threw up in the middle of the living room.
--I told you not to fucking climb on the table.
I am sure there are more. Gotta go.
Peace,
Mike Baxter
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