Questions, Wilkings, and Changes of Heart/Butt

Several questions. First, of all, more feelings about the experimental format from the recent past. I have received brief negative feedback from Alejandro Jimenez and an even briefer rebuttal of that feeback (the Katie equivalent of "meh") from the format's originator. The American Idol like window for your feedback remains open. The numbers for you to call will be on-screen at the end of the show (speaking of which, if you still have the chance, you should call 1-866-IDOLS-05, because John Stevens sucked tonight and I think he will be voted off, which blows, because he is literally and figuratively my near-homeboy (since I live near his home and I nearly dig him really hard)). If you have an opinion voice it now or I am going to introduce a new format where I just I only discuss various social issues as if I were the Trix Rabbit, seriously, don't push me.

On a more serious question, how do you think it works if you are working the overnight shift on either end of daylight savings time. I mean, lets say you are working when you fall back, obviously, you would be pissed if they just did the math and said "you worked from 12 to 9 with an hour lunch, so 8 hours for you Jackaroo" (notably, you should also be pissed about the fact that they are calling you "Jackaroo" because that shit is not professional, unless of course your name is Jackaroo, which is also pretty fucking unprofessional, so you are likely a roadie for the version of Dogstar that tours without Keanu Reeves, so the chances you get paid by the hour are pretty low). The opposite situation occurs in springime, where they would be kinda pissy if you were paid for 8 hours instead of the seven you actually worked (this is the only potential advantage I can conceive of to springing ahead). I guess if you had people who worked on both it would just sort of even itself out, but you can't plan on that. If it were up to me I would just give the ol' wageearner the benefit of the doubt, or at least the benefit of the artificially created temporal distortion not recognized by the state of Arizona (I believe I have discussed the flamboyance of the state of Arizona's temporal politics at least once before, if not, I will be happy to do so later). I don't think management is typically in favor of that approach. So instead of paying you for what you actually worked when that is more and what you worked by the clock when that is more, my guess is that there is probably some policy about this shit, but I don't know. Any ideas from labor folks in the audience.

To continue by the title, we move to Wilking, and its corrollary Jen. We found out on Sunday afternoon that the Wilk-fam had driven to NYC to see the sights on Sunday afternoon and hence would not be along until later. That proved to be true and although Wilking was within 4 hours of his original 10 pm estimate, it was still quite late. We kicked it for a little while, had a glass of Kool-Aid (Tropical Punch, very refreshing, my personal Kool-Aid favorite) and went to sleep. We awoke early the next morning, I walked into the living room to find Wilking and Jen in the bathroom together, presumably having butt-sex. I watched Sportscenter and attempted not to freak out about the Zack debacle and we hung for a while before going out for lunch and beer at the Buffalo Brew Pub. I actually sort of dug the place, though I had never been there. It had a pretty decent house-brewed Pale Ale, free peanuts which you can eat and then throw on the floor (not classy maybe, but fun as hell, and not everything has to be classy after all, take crack for instance), and aight food highlighted by wings that get a B to a B+ on the Baxter scale of wingaliciousness. I was the only non-weak jeuce in the place who was able to eat a quarter of a plate of wings and their full lunch (its not like we ordered a whole roasted antelope, Wilking had a turkey reuben for ass-sake) so everyone filled up their dorky doggy bags while I polished off my beer and the peanuts.

Upon our return home we realized that 1) we should have smoked before we went out for lunch 2) its better late then never and 3) Wilking and Jen had to fly in a couple hours and there is no better way to do so then drunk and intoxicated. So we sparked some shit up and watched the Simpsons episode guest starring SMG, Buffy was quality as usual. Literally, the first time the pipe gets passed to Wilking he lights it, begins to inhale, begins to cough, hands the pipe to Jen, coughs some more, then proceed to vomit into his hands on the couch. It was like a spontaneous vomiting, something you usually see only when hanging out with Andy. Seriously, I know Popes who handle themselves better. Wilking, though you would be hard pressed to believe it based on this story, the others I tell about him, or his personal appearance, is actually a fairly together guy when not completely wrecked, so at this point still had the remarkably un-Andy Kemp like ability to react quickly and scamper to the bathroom were he finished the whole deal. We smoked a little more and the afternoon ended with both our guests passed out on the big couch while Katie and I watched Christina Aguilera on Ellen. This was a ridiculous moment, by the way, since Christina literally wore a pastel suit and a wig that was what I would imagine someone would choose if they were running for Student Council president in a New Jersey high school. She talked to Ellen for a while and then did a performance of "Beautiful" which was cool, but I really wish she would have ripped her pants off in the middle and done a performace of "Dirrty" in her thong and suit jacket only.

So those were the highlights of the visit. It wasn't a long one, but it marks the 3rd total set of visitors in the apartment in the 18ish months we have occupied it. Who wants to be big number four!! Maybe I will start some sort of contest, where you can call in and vote, or whatever, and the winner gets to be my fourth guest. We could sort of drum up some demand for it or whatever. Anyway.

I was in my literature class today, just minding my business and hating on the book that I am still not very far in, nor is anyone else, when something really fucked up happened. Basically, the dude teaching the class suggested an excercise which I considered both entirely worthless and really pretty ridiculous for a graduate class: reading several pages of the book out-loud with different people playing different parts. I had nothing else to do, however, so I read along. Guess what happened, you never will. Check this: at least the opening section of JR is fucking hilarious when acted out loud. It reads dead in the water, I mean, it reads like a dead-goat smells, but this was funny as hell. I knew that it was humorous, I identified what the joke was, but this was incredible. I was laughing literally out-loud in class and so was everyone else, whom I had been with in earlier trashing this gibberish. I have determined, with some piggybacking on the ideas of those in the class, that the basic deal has to do with the book essentially being written in real time. There was something about being forced to go through the dialogue in this way that made me at least appreciate the odd manners of speech considerably more. Whether or not that will result in my liking the read more or affecting at all the lack of chapter titles and breaks and shit is yet to be seen, but I have canceled the public burning of the book pending its completion.

The final comment I wanted to make today was on Corn-Dogs. I really like them, and I just don't get to eat em that often. Obviously the best time for a corn dog is a warm August or September afternoon at the Minnesota State Fair, but really any time will do. I think a really solid business idea would be for an ice cream truck company to also open a corn-dog truck and have it drive like 5-7 blocks ahead of the ice cream truck. I mean, there are a bunch of people who want the corn dog alone, and then, since we all know that there is nothing better than an overpriced ice cream sandwich after a tasty corn dog, you've got a brand new audience. Patent!! I call, seriously. If I see a corn-dog truck coming down my street the first thing I will do is buy and eat several corn dogs, then the second thing I will do is wait for the ice cream truck and buy and eat several ice cream sandwiches, but the third thing I will do is beat you like a red headed stepchild.

I have done alot of internet stuff tonight, and you know, or rather, you don't even know, how my Tuesdays are. Catch you manana.

The phone lines are now open:

To Vote for the old format: dial 1-785-341-4373 and say "Butt-penis" when the call is picked up

To Vote for the new format: dial 1-785-341-4373 and say "Ass-ball-ass" when the call is picked up

Call now, call often, and remember, the louder you say the indicated phrase, the more your vote counts.


Peace,

MB-K