All in All You're Just Another Brick in the Butt

So Monday was a pretty solid day for me. I got a fuckload done, let me tell you, an absolute fuckload.

Accomplishment 1: I went to physical therapy

I had modified rock star physical therapy this time around. I added one extra stretch to the deal, which was a little long but is only done once a day, so its not a big thing. The music sucked at this noon-ish hour, maybe I just like drive-time pop better, even though I heard the J-SImp tune one mas tiempo. Since I had to wait for a while at the outset and several times had nothing to do I read the latest issue of ESPN the magazine, as if I needed a reminder of why I would subscribe to it were I to want to part with 50 bucks a year for no apparent reason. I got the heat pad, the pressure thing, the electro-massage and ice pack dealio, it was all good. After all that was over the doctor told me that she had seen my x-rays and while the problems I had when I was younger don't seem to be issues right now, they may have joined forces to result in fusing some of the bottom sections of my spine, the end result being that where most people have L1-L5, I have L5 fused with S1, which doens't mean shit to me for the most part, but fundamentally she said that while the normal back bends in 5 places mine does so only in four. I guess its not a long term concern, which rocks even harder, so ja reuce.

Accomplishment 2: I invented a sweet fucking sandwich

I already mentioned all the delicious foodstuffs Katie and I prepared on Sunday, so I when I returned from therapy and was hungry, I knew what I was looking for. I had the obvious parts down, Katie's delicioso rolls and my Martha tribeuce ham were meant for each other and usually I would suggest that some cheese join the party. American cheese is money for the turkey, the roast beef, etc., but it doesn't feel right for hog, so I was thinking I would just slice off some cheddar. Then I realized I had used almost all, if not all, of the cheese on the...holy shit...I've got it...seriously, I've got it. I should put the fucking potatoes, with all their scalloped cheesy goodness ON THE SANDWICH!! I know I was not the first person to come up with the potatoes on the sandwich situation. Even if I never crunched up my chips to go with the PB+J, I have been to more than a couple delis where they did it for me. I am also desperate to get to Philadelphia so that I can try what is apparently the world's best cheesesteak that, in more than one famous location, is highlighted by having a big old handful of fries mashed into the center. I have had a meatloaf sandwich which had some garlic mashed on the top and ended up gooshing out the sides in a most delicious fashion, but never this incredibly delicious combo meal.

Anyway, I nuked all the ingredients seperately, buttered the rolls, slathered some scallopotatoes on the bottom bun, topped it with warm ham, then nuked the whole thing for another couple seconds to set it together. Heaven I tell you. It would probably work better on a larger size roll, but the taste was dead on. I am considering making a special batch of scalloped potatoes to keep in the fridge or freezer whenever I want to roll Scallo-Ham Sand (every great sandwich needs a great name after all). The whole love of this sandwich got me thinking about how much I have always loved sandwiches. There is something about the format, the squeezing in between bread thing, the correct stacking order, the consistency and juxtaposition, which is truly an art. In a book called "Mostly Harmless" (the fifth book, I believe in the "increasingly inaccurately named Hitchiker's Guide Trilogy) Douglas Adams talks about the art of sandwich making when Arthur Dent becomes the sandwich maker (a position with near Godlike status) on a planet which has never heard of a sandwich before. I recognize the obvious pastoral romanticism involved with the the whole scene, and while I don't want to give up my TiVo or high speed internet to do it, there are times where I think I should just drop this whole PhD nonsense and open up a sandwich joint somewhere, move back to St. Paul and challenge Jimmy-Johns for Mac-Groveland supremacy. I can honestly say that I would look forward to getting up everyday and going to work, honing my craft, developing the finest of each brand of sandwich, tasting them, finding precisely the right cheese, the thickness of the bread, etc. Anyway, I will keep it in mind. If anyone wants to float me the dough or invest in my sandwich business, I will have written my dissertation and be fully unemployed in a couple years.

Accomplishment 3: I Wrote Quite a Bit in a Shockingly Short Time

I had already gotten briefly started on the first of my end of semester papers, but it really hadn't taken much shape yet. Not only did I manage to find the format and structure that I needed, I also added 4 solid pages of single spaced text in about two hours. I am usually just not that efficient, its not an extraordinary feat or anything, but I was happy with it, This was espeicially productive insofar as I didn't get started right away in the morning. There have been many days where once my momentum slips in one direction, it just doesn't return. Maybe it was the brilliance of my sandwich which enhanced my mind, blowing me away. I was pretty good today in this regard as well, a couple pages added to the text with only brief and sporadic writing between classes and during breaks, etc. Lets hope it continues adequately.

Accomplishment 4: I Can Fold Like a Mother-hubbard Land Lubber

So we have these wedding invitation thingies and they all had to be folded, because they are these fancy little opening numbers that Katie likes. Anyway, while Katie certainly worked on some of them, I was pretty much a foldin' machine. I would guess I hit like 90 some percent all while watching and attempting to ignore the idiocy that is the Miss USA Pageant. I was sort of upset that there was nothing left to fold, but that was obviously not a reasonable concern. I could say that there is plenty of other invitation related shit to do and that I shouldn't be wanting for tasks, but in all honesty, there isn't really much else I can do. I guess there is the whole assembling them thing or the applying stamps deal, but I am officially prohibited from all tasks which involve pen-personship, so Katie will keep rocking in that department. If anyone wants to invest in a folding business, I will have graduated from grad school and failed with my first sandwich shop in about 2 years and 6 months, so feel free to plan your investments accordingly.

I could probably find a way to stretch out my work to make it seem even more impressive, but that seems gratuitous. I refuse.

Peace,

MB-K