In the Zone!!!

In case you were wondering, Britney Spears rocks the fucking hizouse. I mean, this chick rocks so fucking hard I can hardly stand it. Its off the fucking hook. Whats that you say, you are an Aguilera person, maybe a Beyonce fan, or even, God forbid, a Jessica Simpson hold out, and you believe that they are at least equal to, if not even superior over, the lovely Ms. Spears.

Well, we could start by simply counting number one singles, counting albums sold, counting awesome videos, counting concert tickets, or almost any other statistic. But that would straight link us to a badly articulated high school Heidegger debate and since I want to make sure that even bad high school Heidegger debaters (who actually tend to overlap with J. Simpson fans to a shocking degree) understand how much Britney rocks, I will go further. We could ask a couple questions. We could say, what is routinely the most competitive hour on television, one of the most lustfully desired by ad execs. Well, that would of course be Monday nights from 8-9. In the fall any program you put on at 9 or 10 is all but automatically excluded because of MNF and you won't be able to fill ad dollars. The hour before is crucial to you ability to gain any viewers at all in those late prime time hours. Alright, so that is clear.

Second question, what is the most difficult hour of television to compete against. Well, this isn't as constant as the argument above, since it would technically depend on when the best shows are on, but there is also the element of time of the week. Regardless, for the past several year, Thursdays are the place to be, likely at 8 if you want the real competition. Thursdays feature ER, Will and Grace, CSI, Survivor, and Friends. Big fucking line-up let me tell you.

Now, instead of just counting the number of prime time specials which each of these lovely young women's albums received (Britney's In the Zone got at least 2 but for some reason I don't remember any "Primetime Stripped" or "Washing Machine Live" on my Digital Cable box info line) we could ask when those special aired. Let me check my obsessive cataloguing of the past 5 years worth of issues of TV Guide. In the meantime talk amongst yourselves...I will give you a topic..."Amish flatbread" is neither Amish nor flat, discuss.

Well, it appears that Britney's two primetime special aired during what we have already identified as fundamentally crucial times in network lineups. They didn't just stick her in on Fridays at 10 when you could show the Olsen twins lick melted Milky Way bars off each others supple young breasts and still not get 25 viewers, she was front row fucking center. I don't know how many albums Britney is gonna sell. I am no expert. What I know is that very very few records receive the kind of media blitz that Britney and her crack staff have executed for In the Zone. The single debuted on NFL opening Thursday. Britney appears on TRL twice within three weeks, the first time to debut her video (which features fucking Madonna by the way, whats that you say Christina, you booked Lil' Kim, wow, let me know when you move from sharing talent with Old Navy to recording tracks with the Material Girl and we might let you join the party--yeah, so she kissed you at the VMAs too, I bet you are wondering why your moment in the sun didn't make the cover of Entertainment Weekly, head back to the Maxim editors and show off your floating butt cleavage a little more why don't you, Britney's busy the rest of the afternoon trying to design a purse large enough to carry a billion fucking dollars) which has now been at number one for 17 days, a second time to kick off Spanking New Music Week, the biggest single gathering ever in Times Square outside of New Years' Eve. She does two prime time specials, has a solid hour of In the Zone on the Town shows on MTV, a Making the Video, and guest spots left and fucking right. All capped off by tonight's appearance singing with Hank Williams III on MNF, ahhh, Britney asking if I am ready for some football.

Britney rocks and everybody else sucks. End of fucking story. Buy her album tomorrow or at least give some props and grab it off Kazaa. I mean, you could have spent all weekend listening to it for free on the leak at mtv.com, but whatever.

So that is my Britney Spears rant, absent something weirdly Britney related occuring in the near future I will not have another at least until after Thanksgiving. Seriously, I won't.

Katie comes home tomorrow and thank God. I mean, I know I went months alone here last year, but I have realized that during that time that I thought I should have been going crazy, I actually had already gone crazy. I literally didn't leave the house from Friday at 7 am until Sunday at noon. Even then I was out of the house for about an hour and ten minutes. If I didn't have class today i would have spent like four solid days in a row in my apartment. Yeah, I had to be crazy last year, I am pretty sure of it. Maybe I am still crazy now and the ads I have been seeing for Halle Barre's new film Gothika are actually just signals that my mind is using to attempt to alert me to the fact that I am crazy. Yeah, its not likely, but if it is, I totally caught on before they gave it away. I guess they could arbitrarily insert a really weak plot twist here a la Identity to fuck me up, but I don't see that coming.

Anyway, I am going to enjoy the conclusion of my all football all the time weekend by watching TO and the Niners trounce the Steelers. At least that is what I assume will happen, this Pittsburgh team sucks, but KC lost to Cinci, so what do I know. On that note, mad props to the 72 Dolphins who celebrate tonight, I know people rip you for rejoicing in the failures of others, but I celebrate your accomplishment for what it was, even if I would rather cheer for the Gary Indiana Dog Rectums than the Miami Fish.

Peace,

MB-K