There is virtually nothing in the realm of possibility which can happen which will top what just happened on the VMAs. I mean, don't get me wrong, the VMAs have a long history of incredible performances. I could list them, and probably will at some point. The point however is that the show opened and the curtain raised while we hear the recognizable melody of the classic "Like a Virgin." We are all excited at this point if for no other reason than that we know Madonna will be performing.
Madonna mixing something up with "Like a Virgin" is already cool. Who knows what could go down. Then MTV was like "check this shit out" so the lyrics begin obviously not sung by Madonna. If you are me, or if you are much like me, you already know who it is. If not, it will be only another second before the veiled woman in a wedding dress reveals herself as BRITNEY MOTHERFUCKING SPEARS!!! This is without question the coolest moment in many many years. Britney is singing Madonna, it doesn't get much better. We have some suspicions, but we just enjoy Britney's rendition of the first verse. Before the second verse can begin however, Britney steps aside to allow another veiled woman onto the stage. She begins the second verse and reveals herself as the less astonishing but still important Christina Aguilera. Pretty sweet huh, Britney and Christina on stage singing one of the greatest pop songs of all time.
They do a verse or so and moan "Touched for the very first time" a couple rounds. Then what we have all been expecting takes place. Even though we all saw it coming, it blows us away. We move to the edge of the couch, clapping and cheering as the only female artist in human history who arguably tops Britney Spears ascends the wedding cake. In a black corseted suit, Madonna herself appears in contrast to the be-dressed damsels of the girl-pop universe. She begins to sing Hollywood and removes her own jacket as the younger women dismantle their gowns down to bustiers with a skirt or shorts. They dance around, Madonna sings a verse or two. I am really just paying attention to the dancing and Madonna is paying attention to the ladies with her. She grinds a litte with them, she gives Britney her hat, which, I must add, Britney plays with adorably.
Now we get down to the nitty gritty. Madonna is kneeling down between the women after they accompany her down to the front of the stage. She leans to her left and sensually rubbing Christina's leg, she removes her garter and tosses it to the lucky front row fans. Those fans are lucky for only a second as the distraction may cause them to miss the greatest TV moment of all time. Madonna turns to Britney spears and FUCKING PLANTS ONE ON HER!! MADONA AND BRITNEY SPEARS KISSED ON TELEVISION!!! ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME!! MADONNA AND BRITNEY SPEARS FUCKING KISSED!! THEY SHOWED IT LIKE THREE TIMES!! THEY KISSED!!! OH MY GOD GET WITH IT!!! FUCKING A PEOPLE!! BRITNEY AND MADONNA KISSED !!! IT IS NO LONGER SIMPLY HAPPENING IN OUR DREAMS, IT IS AN HONEST TO GOODNESS BUTTFUCKINGLY REAL OCCURRENCE!!!
Even though you may have known some of this is coming its still like the moment before your dinner comes at a really good restaurant and you are fucking hungry as shit. Its not a surprise or anything. You ordered it and now it is here. All your experience suggests that this outcome will follow this process. It was a foregone conclusion that someday Britney and Madonna would at least jam together, if not record a single. I didnt see the kiss coming, but its like when the wait-person drops the news that you get a free dessert and that dessert is incredible. Enough with the fucking dinner analogy.
Beyond that the show has so far been good. I am typing as I watch, so I apologize if this becomes somewhat excessive. Chris Rock had a pretty funny monologue, I won't rehash all the jokes. A classic Olsen twins R. Kelly comment which always gets a laugh from me, no matter how many times its suggested. Lebron James was awful in his dialogue with Ashanti. Good Charlotte was okay but their performance was way overshadowed by Chris Rock's follow up joke: "Good Charlotte, more like a mediocre Green Day." Great line and overall his quips were solid.
After that there were no significant moments until Christina peformed. She was okay but 1) she chose the wrong first song-opening with "Dirty" but correctly following it up with a version of "Fighter" 2) she was out of breath the whole time and couldnt really catch up. I don't know if that is just how she performs or if it was the fucking corsety thing constricting her lungs. Regardless, it didnt even stack up to even the lamest Britney track. Not that Britney has any lame tracks, but still. Britney doing a Celine Dion cover would still be cooler than this.
There have not been any significant surprises since then. I mean its a standard VMA and I am just not as in tune with the hip kids anymore. Good Charlotte isn't that exciting and to be honest, neither is 50 Cent or Mary J Blige. I have always tried to like Ms. J Blige, but I just haven't succeeded. Its alot like trying to like the new blue Froot Loops. I mean, why wouldnt I like them, they are still Froot Loops, they just don't taste that good.
Alright, I am just going to post this. I will talk further if warranted by the circumstances. Lets see if they come strong with a GNR style return to close down the show.
Peace,
MB-K
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Good Things About Matthew McConaughey That Don't Involve Bongo Drums
These things include the movie Frailty. I watched it today between my two classes. School began yesterday but I really didnt have anything. I technically had a course with Ernesto, but as he likes to do, he has not arrived for the beginning of the semester. According to everyone official he will be here next week, but I guess we shall wait and see. At least there is no reason he wouldnt this year.
Anyway, that class was cancelled, but Tuesday is my busy day and it is actually pretty fucking packed. I teach at 9:30, which means I have to get up at like 8 to get there on time and squeeze in some SportsCenter to start the day off right. Anywho, after that I have like an hour and a half to get some work done before my course on Heidegger and Tragedy taught by Rodolphe Gasche (accent on the last "e", but I dont know how to get that thingie) and then Joan and Ernesto's seminar on Affectivity and Political Radicalism. Its overall a very cool schedule, but it means that Tuesday will be going pretty much solid from 8am to about 7 pm which is a long day in anyone's book.
Today was not nearly as bad, since my class went for only about 40 minutes and then I had like 2 hours plus until Rodolphe's class. I read for a while and stuff, there was some administrative shit that I can always take care of. We went over the basic idea of the course, he explained to all the new people how he conducts his classes, and that was about it. 15 minutes was perfect to open things up and then I sat in my office for the next while. I read the handout that he gave us and then talked to Katie for a little while. I watched Frailty in the interim before Joan and will get to that in a second.
Joan's class was a little longer than I would expect on the first day of classes, but it was very very good. Basically she recapitulated her argument from last fall when this seminar discussion with Laclau began. I guess I technically have a head start on how this is constructed and stuff, but I still think it was solid and helpful. She is now reading it in light of Freud's Group Psychology, which I know almost nothing about, but still, it looks interesting. That class took the whole period, more in fact, but it was groundwork that needed to be set for the rest of the semester.
I will talk more about specific components of these classes later. This was just a brief overview. I am positive that you are very very concerned.
On a note that is much more interesting, you all should see Frailty. The movie is good, really really good. I like it alot. The film is really explicitly Hitchcockian in many ways. You will see some other obvious references, to Severn, The Usual Suspects, etc. Beyond all the cool parts about the various versions of homage it pays to suspense and horror classics the conclusion of the story is executed almost perfectly. Parts of it you will likely see coming but, in true Hitchcock style, even if you see it coming, it is completely satisfying. I want to say more, but I don't know how many people are likely to have it ruined by my commentary, and I know that Katie may still want a chance tomorrow. I will warn you before I talk too much, but if Katie decides against watching it, I will be back with much to say.
That was obviously a boring ass bloggification, but thats the sit sometimes, dig me. Hopefully I will have some humorous observations about my brake pad replacement tomorrow or something.
Peace,
MB-K
Anyway, that class was cancelled, but Tuesday is my busy day and it is actually pretty fucking packed. I teach at 9:30, which means I have to get up at like 8 to get there on time and squeeze in some SportsCenter to start the day off right. Anywho, after that I have like an hour and a half to get some work done before my course on Heidegger and Tragedy taught by Rodolphe Gasche (accent on the last "e", but I dont know how to get that thingie) and then Joan and Ernesto's seminar on Affectivity and Political Radicalism. Its overall a very cool schedule, but it means that Tuesday will be going pretty much solid from 8am to about 7 pm which is a long day in anyone's book.
Today was not nearly as bad, since my class went for only about 40 minutes and then I had like 2 hours plus until Rodolphe's class. I read for a while and stuff, there was some administrative shit that I can always take care of. We went over the basic idea of the course, he explained to all the new people how he conducts his classes, and that was about it. 15 minutes was perfect to open things up and then I sat in my office for the next while. I read the handout that he gave us and then talked to Katie for a little while. I watched Frailty in the interim before Joan and will get to that in a second.
Joan's class was a little longer than I would expect on the first day of classes, but it was very very good. Basically she recapitulated her argument from last fall when this seminar discussion with Laclau began. I guess I technically have a head start on how this is constructed and stuff, but I still think it was solid and helpful. She is now reading it in light of Freud's Group Psychology, which I know almost nothing about, but still, it looks interesting. That class took the whole period, more in fact, but it was groundwork that needed to be set for the rest of the semester.
I will talk more about specific components of these classes later. This was just a brief overview. I am positive that you are very very concerned.
On a note that is much more interesting, you all should see Frailty. The movie is good, really really good. I like it alot. The film is really explicitly Hitchcockian in many ways. You will see some other obvious references, to Severn, The Usual Suspects, etc. Beyond all the cool parts about the various versions of homage it pays to suspense and horror classics the conclusion of the story is executed almost perfectly. Parts of it you will likely see coming but, in true Hitchcock style, even if you see it coming, it is completely satisfying. I want to say more, but I don't know how many people are likely to have it ruined by my commentary, and I know that Katie may still want a chance tomorrow. I will warn you before I talk too much, but if Katie decides against watching it, I will be back with much to say.
That was obviously a boring ass bloggification, but thats the sit sometimes, dig me. Hopefully I will have some humorous observations about my brake pad replacement tomorrow or something.
Peace,
MB-K
Sunday, August 24, 2003
MOA and the High School Conundrum
So I like going home because it give me the opportunity to see people who I never get to see when I am in Minneapolis. The downside of this situation is that it puts me in the position to see people I have not seen since high school.
This situation was not bad at all, but a little weird, and is emblematic of many worse potential situations. Katie and I went to the MOA on Sunday and had some shopping to do along with the walking around which is usually the hallmark of our visits. We hit up the Banana Republic for a pair of pants, looked at some crystal, looked at some china, looked at some other clothes, Katie made me look at shoes, the usual deal. There are only two good things about Katie looking at shoes 1) I have a good concrete argument as to why she shouldnt buy them (she has approximately 400 billion pairs) 2) there are always plenty of seating devices in the shoe areas. The exception to these rules is the Designer Shoe Warehouse, a store I had not encountered until one very very sad day at the Walden Galleria here in Buffalo.
Here's a thought experiment designed to simulate the Designer Shoe Warehouse. I stole most of it from Douglas Adams. Here is the idea, imagine the biggest thing ever. Now discard it, you cannot even begin to imagine the size of the DSW. Gigantic times huge times enormous is the sort of thing we are getting at here. There is another Douglas Adams reference to an immense workshop where this ancient race of people builds custom planets. The workshop then has to be larger than a planet. The DSW is large enough to build several planets. Its fucking huge. They just put walls around all the space they could possibly find and then filled the entirety of that space with shoes. Incredible amounts of mostly butt ugly shoes. No one could ever need this many shoes. Let me tell you how many pairs of shoes you need. One. One fucking pair of shoes. Here is the criteria you need to use to select shoes. 1) Are they comfortable and 2) Do they adequately cover your feet. End of fucking story. I will even allow those shoe fetishists among you to have some more shoes, as long as you recognize that you are indulging in a ridiculous and extravagant excercise. You can have a pair of brown shoes, a pair of black shoes, a pair of red shoes, a pair of sandals, a pair of flip flops, a pair of boots, and a pair of sneakers. Thats all. Seriously, that is it. I may make some exception if you have a job that necessitates a different pair, like you need golf shoes or cleats or whatev, but besides that call it quits. If you want some of these shoes to be high heels, thats fine. I don't know why you wear high heels, I would imagine they hurt like fucking hell, but wear them if you want.
The biggest probelm about the DSW is that you don't get to sit somewhere while Katie wanders and looks at shoes because you would never find each other again. So you have to roam up and down these supermarket like aisles of heels and boots and sneakers and clogs and blah blah blah blah blah. The only thing I have found to entertain myself in the DSW is to grab a shoe horn and smack things with it as you walk down the aisle. Its not that amusing but its leagues better than the alternative.
Why the fuck did I go off on the DSW, fuck, MOA. Alright, so we were shopping. We are just about to leave and we walk by a Bath and Body Works. Katie decides to pop in for a pumice stone and some lotion or something and we are standing in front of the foot area (I am quite sure that Bath and Body Works used to be organized around different flavors, there were only like 5 products and they each came in like 20 different scents, and that is how the store broke down) and all of a sudden I here "Mike, how are you."
I turn around and there is Carly Roetter. I haven't seen Carly in a long time, literally I dont think I have laid eyes on the woman since the day we graduated. I like Carly, she was a nice chick and a pretty incredible actress who is apparently now managing one of the two MOA Bath and Body Works. If you do a google search on her I think you can find some pictures back from when she was the lead in Rosemount Theater production of Cabaret. I really liked that play and Carly was good in it. I think I saw every show, it gets two thumbs up the butt, which is the highest rating possible from the Mike Baxter Academy of Dramatic Review.
So I talked to Carly for a couple minutes, told her I was working on my PhD and was getting married and shit. I mentioned the people I still saw, she mentioned the ones she did. She told me a little about the reunion. She remarked that Katie Kauf looks a little like Katie Lord, which is somewhat true, and we discussed the fact that she and Kos just get married (or so we had both heard, neither of us was there).
Anyway, nothing bad happened, it was just a conversation between two people whom hadn't seen each other in a long time. It was nice to talk to her, it was just really weird. That same shit is always possible when I am back in the TC, I mean, I don't know how often it will happen, but it always could, and that is fucked up. Running into people you haven't seen in a long time is fucked off, especially when you didnt know them that well in the first place.
I cannot really imagine going to a high school reunion for that exact reason. I was in MPLS-SP for like 6 days, one friend got married, one parent came out of the closet, and I ran into one person from high school and that fucking wore me out. Imagine what it will be like when the weddings ramp up and I go back to high school. I doubt I will have many more sexual orientation changes, but I guess you never know.
That was alot more random than I imagined it would be, my bizad.
Peace,
MB-K
This situation was not bad at all, but a little weird, and is emblematic of many worse potential situations. Katie and I went to the MOA on Sunday and had some shopping to do along with the walking around which is usually the hallmark of our visits. We hit up the Banana Republic for a pair of pants, looked at some crystal, looked at some china, looked at some other clothes, Katie made me look at shoes, the usual deal. There are only two good things about Katie looking at shoes 1) I have a good concrete argument as to why she shouldnt buy them (she has approximately 400 billion pairs) 2) there are always plenty of seating devices in the shoe areas. The exception to these rules is the Designer Shoe Warehouse, a store I had not encountered until one very very sad day at the Walden Galleria here in Buffalo.
Here's a thought experiment designed to simulate the Designer Shoe Warehouse. I stole most of it from Douglas Adams. Here is the idea, imagine the biggest thing ever. Now discard it, you cannot even begin to imagine the size of the DSW. Gigantic times huge times enormous is the sort of thing we are getting at here. There is another Douglas Adams reference to an immense workshop where this ancient race of people builds custom planets. The workshop then has to be larger than a planet. The DSW is large enough to build several planets. Its fucking huge. They just put walls around all the space they could possibly find and then filled the entirety of that space with shoes. Incredible amounts of mostly butt ugly shoes. No one could ever need this many shoes. Let me tell you how many pairs of shoes you need. One. One fucking pair of shoes. Here is the criteria you need to use to select shoes. 1) Are they comfortable and 2) Do they adequately cover your feet. End of fucking story. I will even allow those shoe fetishists among you to have some more shoes, as long as you recognize that you are indulging in a ridiculous and extravagant excercise. You can have a pair of brown shoes, a pair of black shoes, a pair of red shoes, a pair of sandals, a pair of flip flops, a pair of boots, and a pair of sneakers. Thats all. Seriously, that is it. I may make some exception if you have a job that necessitates a different pair, like you need golf shoes or cleats or whatev, but besides that call it quits. If you want some of these shoes to be high heels, thats fine. I don't know why you wear high heels, I would imagine they hurt like fucking hell, but wear them if you want.
The biggest probelm about the DSW is that you don't get to sit somewhere while Katie wanders and looks at shoes because you would never find each other again. So you have to roam up and down these supermarket like aisles of heels and boots and sneakers and clogs and blah blah blah blah blah. The only thing I have found to entertain myself in the DSW is to grab a shoe horn and smack things with it as you walk down the aisle. Its not that amusing but its leagues better than the alternative.
Why the fuck did I go off on the DSW, fuck, MOA. Alright, so we were shopping. We are just about to leave and we walk by a Bath and Body Works. Katie decides to pop in for a pumice stone and some lotion or something and we are standing in front of the foot area (I am quite sure that Bath and Body Works used to be organized around different flavors, there were only like 5 products and they each came in like 20 different scents, and that is how the store broke down) and all of a sudden I here "Mike, how are you."
I turn around and there is Carly Roetter. I haven't seen Carly in a long time, literally I dont think I have laid eyes on the woman since the day we graduated. I like Carly, she was a nice chick and a pretty incredible actress who is apparently now managing one of the two MOA Bath and Body Works. If you do a google search on her I think you can find some pictures back from when she was the lead in Rosemount Theater production of Cabaret. I really liked that play and Carly was good in it. I think I saw every show, it gets two thumbs up the butt, which is the highest rating possible from the Mike Baxter Academy of Dramatic Review.
So I talked to Carly for a couple minutes, told her I was working on my PhD and was getting married and shit. I mentioned the people I still saw, she mentioned the ones she did. She told me a little about the reunion. She remarked that Katie Kauf looks a little like Katie Lord, which is somewhat true, and we discussed the fact that she and Kos just get married (or so we had both heard, neither of us was there).
Anyway, nothing bad happened, it was just a conversation between two people whom hadn't seen each other in a long time. It was nice to talk to her, it was just really weird. That same shit is always possible when I am back in the TC, I mean, I don't know how often it will happen, but it always could, and that is fucked up. Running into people you haven't seen in a long time is fucked off, especially when you didnt know them that well in the first place.
I cannot really imagine going to a high school reunion for that exact reason. I was in MPLS-SP for like 6 days, one friend got married, one parent came out of the closet, and I ran into one person from high school and that fucking wore me out. Imagine what it will be like when the weddings ramp up and I go back to high school. I doubt I will have many more sexual orientation changes, but I guess you never know.
That was alot more random than I imagined it would be, my bizad.
Peace,
MB-K
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Sticky Keys
It really pisses me off that any time I press the shift key five times this little message about Sticky Keys. Seriously try it, just press the shift key five times.
Isn't that fucking annoying. I am not even speaking about the Sticky Keys option, maybe that rocks, I don't know. Its just annoying that if I press shift five times the computer is all like "Hey check out what I can do, aren't I sweet." I know that all ya'll are like "you can just deactivate the combination" but fuck, I don't think that should be my job. Besides, that would just make the combination something else. I mean, come on, what the fuck. If I wanted Sticky Keys and shit I could go into some options or whatever and find it, dont make my shift key your "turn on sticky keys button."
If I wanted a "turn on sticky keys" button I would have had one especially installed. If I did want shift to turn on sticky keys I wouldn't want to press it five times. Maybe I would want to press it twice, since I can imagine that pressing it only once would be a problem with the whole capital letters and shit.
I had nothing to say. I just figured Katie didnt want to listen to me rant about sticky keys. Sorry about the length of shit yesterday, it was like a full week. So yeah, check yourself.
Peace,
MB-K
Isn't that fucking annoying. I am not even speaking about the Sticky Keys option, maybe that rocks, I don't know. Its just annoying that if I press shift five times the computer is all like "Hey check out what I can do, aren't I sweet." I know that all ya'll are like "you can just deactivate the combination" but fuck, I don't think that should be my job. Besides, that would just make the combination something else. I mean, come on, what the fuck. If I wanted Sticky Keys and shit I could go into some options or whatever and find it, dont make my shift key your "turn on sticky keys button."
If I wanted a "turn on sticky keys" button I would have had one especially installed. If I did want shift to turn on sticky keys I wouldn't want to press it five times. Maybe I would want to press it twice, since I can imagine that pressing it only once would be a problem with the whole capital letters and shit.
I had nothing to say. I just figured Katie didnt want to listen to me rant about sticky keys. Sorry about the length of shit yesterday, it was like a full week. So yeah, check yourself.
Peace,
MB-K
Friday, August 22, 2003
Break it Down For Me Fellas...
So its been like a week since I posted anything very substantive. I apologize for that, but admittedly this is the first real time I have had my laptop on the internet in over two weeks. I will get to the part where we are back in Buffalo and stuff, but let me break it down one time.
I left my house at the climax of the West Wing repeat last Wednesday night, about 9:43. Katie's plane was arriving just after 10 and we had decided to simply wing it from the airport. If we got tired really early we could snag a hotel or a couple of Zs on the side of the rizoad. This did not end up being necessary. I drove like a motherfucker for about 8 hours and we were just exiting the Indiana tollway about 6:00. Now, I am not too knowledgeable about Chicago traffic. Basically what I know about it can be summarized by the statement that "it sucks a nut." I drove through the city once at about 3 in the morning and there was no traffic, I was able to drive right through, besides that one time I have never been in Chicago when the traffic could not be described as some level of dead fucking stopped.
So while I thought that 6 am was a little early for rush hour to have begun, who knows when you are dealing with the Windy-ass City. We decided not to risk it and opted to continue on I-80 then take the 294 back where it met up with 90 slightly outside Chicago. I figured that once we got to that side the rush hour thing wouldnt be too much of an issue. This was the wrong decision, very very much the wrong decision. Actually, I don't know that it was the wrong decision, it may have been exactly the right decision. Nonetheless, the drive sucked. We made it a couple miles into Illinois before traffic simply ceased to function. I don't understand how this shit happens. I mean, the trucks dont help the situation and there are too many people, but if you learn how to fucking merge and shit this should not happen. Its like a 4 fucking lane highway in each direction, what do you want. Anyway, we spent a good 90 minutes getting to the actual 90. At this point I had driven way way too long and was very close to passing out. We stopped for coffee and Katie took over the wheel.
Katie drove us to Madison fairly uneventfully. That was really what we were looking for in the drive from Chicago to Madison, so we were pleased. We called my bro just before we got there and shockingly, he was awake and lively. Apparently he was moving out that day so he had plenty of time. He wasnt getting his U-Haul until that night so we decided to meet up and go out for breakfast. It was a very good time.
The shitty part is that the last two times I have seen my bro have been in a fucking Perkins and neither of them has really lasted more than an hour and a half. I havent seen the dude for any significant amount of time since Christmastime and that blows. Especially since we have more and more shit in common and stuff. I mean, he likes beer now, he seems to hang out more. He would appreciate the Turf Club and Sweeneys and Nye's etc. Not that this is anything in common with me, but he has also lost an incredible amount of weight. I mean, he has been losing weight for a while, he had when I saw him this Spring, but after an entire summer of working outside, fetilizing and such, he is incredibly tanned and most likely the skinniest Baxter. If not entirely, he is very close to my mom. We had lunch, talked about shit, school, Japanese, his friends Rachelle and Ally (sic and sic) (whom, for that matter, he is not dating, contrary to common opinion) and so on. I hope we at least get to go home for Thanksgiving or something so I can spend more than a lunch at Perkins with him.
Anyway, I was exhausted but managed to drive the rest of the way into Minneapolis. We stopped at some fabric store so we could get stuff to finish up Pete's punk rock pillow. It was a brilliant creation, a blue back with a front that had a green frog playing a guitar labeled "Bob" and the last two lines from "Celebrated Summer" cross-stitched on the front. It was really really cool and only took her like 2 days. She is an outrageously skilled cross stitcher and I think Pete thought it was cool. Hopefully the kitsch value will last the test of time. So we got home at like 4:45 and hit the sack pretty much instantly. I left messages for my rents, but we went to sleep around 5 and didnt wake up until about 8.
So I woke up then and wandered downstairs. It was really really fucking hot, since my parents don't seem to believe in air conditioning, so I wasnt able to stay asleep any longer, no matter how tired I was. I went looking for some food, failed, and instead wandered into my mom's room to say hello. She was sitting on the couch, watching Will and Grace, and I sat down to say hi. Katie was still asleep and would likely stay that way either until the morning or until I woke her up. So my mom and I exchanged our pleasantries, how was the job, how are you doing, how was the drive, how is Katie, when did you leave, when does work start, are you ready for school, so on and so on and so on. That conversation was about 20 minutes long or whatever.
So then my mom starts talking in some fashion about the whole divorce situation. She is not being very specific and its very obvious that she is nervous or uncomfortable about something. Earlier that day my bro and I had been speculating about whether or not either mom or dad were dating anyone, and I suspected that maybe she was going to tell me that she was. We had both concluded that there was virtually no chance that dad was with someone else, but I guess that was a possiblity to. Instead she told me that she was gay.
It was an odd experience primarily because I simply had never thought of that possibility. I guess she had never really given me any reason to believe that she was and the whole heterosexual marriage and children thing sort of led me in the other direction. We talked about the thing for a while and as long as she and my dad are both okay I am genuinely happy for her. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be in the closet for 40ish years. The world is obviously a very different place than it was when she decided that marriage would be an easier and safer route than being a gay woman. It was and is a little weird, but in the end I am glad she is happy.
I haven't really had the chance to talk to anyone besides Katie about the situation. I have the feeling Andy will be a little pissed that I didnt tell him in person, but the last night I saw him he was way too fucking wasted to have any serious discussion. Regardless, we have had some nice conversations with my mother, its very obvious that she is a much happier person these days. I am glad she has friends and support that she didnt have before.
We went out that night to Andy J's new place. His parents moved into a townhouse which is right behind the Culver's in the AV. Its a pretty decent looking townhome actually. There is a gigantic lofted ceiling in the living room that I like and he pretty much has the whole basement to himself, a psuedo apartment. He doesnt have a kitchen, but theres a TV, a couch, a card table, and his bedroom. Its not just any TV either, its fucking Andy J's kick ass television, which he got for a steal because his bro worked at Best Buy. Regardless, it appears to be the place where everybody chills nowadays and I can understand why. They play alot of poker, I mean a fucking lot of poker.
Sanjay was in town and so Thursday night, after Katie and I had a long discussion, we headed to Andy J's basement to see all the folks. Reuter, Kevin, Sanjay, Andy J, Andy K., Dobs, Maroney, and Nermy were all in full motherfuckin effizect. We played poker for a couple hours and caught up on old times. I was extraordinarily worried that I wouldnt be able to keep up my non smoking thing, but I did regardless of all the times I wanted one. I can smell cigarettes so much more distinctly than I ever could before and holy shit does tobacco rock. I miss my lovely cigarettes, maybe I will have a cigar around my birthday or something. I got a little drunk that first night and Katie drove me home. I was very impressed with my ability to drink without smoking, something I am now confident I have down.
Friday night was the wedding, which I have said a little about before. Katie was in charge of Sanjay, Andy Kemp, and I. I spent the afternoon helping Andy pick out a present and dealing with the ideological difficulties he encountered in the form of the Wedding Registry. We had smoked a little bit before we went to Target and Andy was not his normally sober and together self. He asked every young and beautiful woman in the store if they thought that Wedding Registries distanced people from each other and if they destroyed the bond between wedding couple and the wedding guests. Regardless, it was very funny. We ran into Mrs. Wilking and her youngest daughter in the new SuperTarget and I think they could figure that we were not the most in touch of gentlemen. After a number of ridiculous debacles we got out of there with a legitimately nice vase and a set of bowls with lids which Andy purchased only because he was pissed that Katie and I had gotten Pete and Meg two presents and didnt want to be shown up.
We arrived at the wedding, Sanjay and Andy toked up in the parking garage, and we ran into James, Moody, and Cassie. Thank God that we did, because my attempt to carry the present was a failure, I am simply too weak. James helped me out. I won't say exactly what the present was in case the happy couple hasn't opened it, but trust me, it was heavy as fucking hell and I hadn't counted on carrying it up a hill into the Union Depot place. We ran into all sorts of people after we entered the door, and thankfully there was a young woman to take the present from me. We talked to the Tara Lucinda Tate, who is looking very well, about her exciting new job in charge of one of the most prestigous debate programs in the country. We talked to Fishy, who Katie had seen recently but hadn't entered my vision since sections, and saw Erin K. who I correctly assumed would be sloppy sloppy sloppy ass drunk by the end of the evening.
The ceremony was nice and very very quick. It was cute and romantic without being over the top. I think me and Andy were the only ones who caught it, but we both started to giggle when part of the vows was "To play with each other." The bridesmaid's dressers were classy, the whole trend of the same fabric and colors in different dress styles. That worked especially well given Claire's (Meg's sister) clothing constraints. Meg's dress was very pretty and I really like her hair, especially since I am not traditionally given to updos. The physical space of the Union Depot place was very good for a wedding as well. It was a little hot, but I was wearing a shirt and tie and it is a Minnesota August. There were large vaulted ceilings and good lighting and a very pretty bar. I already spoke about the food, but it rocked. There was a tasty dessert which was similar to a apple and cheese filled baklava, lots of the flaky phylo layers, you know what I mean.
Andy, Sanjay, and I drank alot of booze. I mean, we drank alot of booze. There was beer from the moment the ceremony ended to the moment dinner started. I had a beer with me during dinner, but we drank wine as well. We were at the table which I prefer to call the "people who can tolerate Andy Kemp" table and of course had to act like it. Hannah and Kaya were at the table with us, so at least I got to spend some time with the big K. I never see the dude, but holy fuck has he grown. I cannot even explain how much older he is now nor can I explain how much he looks like his dad. Fuck, he is a little AJ, which is slightly scary, but also kinda cool. Everyone at our table had to act like they were at the table they were at however, including badly hitting on a waitress and drinking wine out of coffee cups. What the fuck people, there were wine glasses on the table, why don't you use them. They just seem to have disappeared or something. Fucking minors, buck up and get a wine glass. If it was later and we had been drinking for three hours, that is one thing, but we couldnt have had more than a couple drinks each.
Regardless, we went on to drink up to those expectations, though I never got quite drunk enough to dance. I did get to see Cort and Carol dance to Digital Underground, so at least that was good. Dobs was getting down by the end of the evening, about the time that Andy started to buy shots of Crown Royal for everyone. That also solidified my drunkenness and luckily the bar closed shortly afterwards. We said goodbye to everyone and eventually made our way back to the parking garage for another round of puffing out of a mickey-frickin Coke can. I forget to mention that no one had a piece on them, and since I quit smoking papers were not available. So we hit it up with Hannah and AJ and Katie endured the long and extraordinarily difficult process of driving us home. Andy was loud and obnoxious (surprise) and Sanjay had an extensive argument with his mother about whether or not we had a sober driver and whether or not he himself had been drinking.
We eventually did make it down to Andy J's house, where we hung around for a minute before going home. I was able to sleep all day so I woke up with only a moderate hang over. We sat around the house and had a tasty dinner on Saturday night, an old fashioned Minnesota family barbecue. Some homemade bratwurst (not homemade in my home, but homemade by the butcher my parents bought it from), sweet corn on the cob, and baked beans. Yummy yum yum. I hadn't had brats all summer, partially because I dont have a que, partially because they aren't as big out here, and partially because there weren't homies to que it up with.
We actually had lunch with my mother that day as well. We went to Culver's and rolled Butterburer style. Their turtle sundaes are mighty tasty, even if they don't match up to those served at the Tasty Treat down the street from my house. It was good. Even though we didnt spend as much time with my dad as I would have liked, I guess it was reasonable that there was more time with my mom this time around. Saturday night we went to Fishy's place, saw his daugher Lexy again, and played some poker. We also admired Fishy's DVD collection and watched both Jackass and Old School. I forgot how fucking hilarious Will Farrell can be.
We left Fishy's place late and I dropped Andy and Sanjay off at B-Dubs before taking Katie home to sleep. She had drank a good deal of wine and needed some rest. I left as she fell asleep and went back to Andy's. We played poker and Mario Golf Toadstool Tour (a fantastic fucking game and the inspiration for my plan to get a GameCube) till the sunset. Andy managed to get himself fucking wasted in the 45 minutes I was gone, but we still had a good time. I was scared Andy and Kevin were about to kill each other, but that kinda shit happens.
Alright, that is way more than enough updating. I will check y'iz'all on the flizzle.
Peace,
MB-K
I left my house at the climax of the West Wing repeat last Wednesday night, about 9:43. Katie's plane was arriving just after 10 and we had decided to simply wing it from the airport. If we got tired really early we could snag a hotel or a couple of Zs on the side of the rizoad. This did not end up being necessary. I drove like a motherfucker for about 8 hours and we were just exiting the Indiana tollway about 6:00. Now, I am not too knowledgeable about Chicago traffic. Basically what I know about it can be summarized by the statement that "it sucks a nut." I drove through the city once at about 3 in the morning and there was no traffic, I was able to drive right through, besides that one time I have never been in Chicago when the traffic could not be described as some level of dead fucking stopped.
So while I thought that 6 am was a little early for rush hour to have begun, who knows when you are dealing with the Windy-ass City. We decided not to risk it and opted to continue on I-80 then take the 294 back where it met up with 90 slightly outside Chicago. I figured that once we got to that side the rush hour thing wouldnt be too much of an issue. This was the wrong decision, very very much the wrong decision. Actually, I don't know that it was the wrong decision, it may have been exactly the right decision. Nonetheless, the drive sucked. We made it a couple miles into Illinois before traffic simply ceased to function. I don't understand how this shit happens. I mean, the trucks dont help the situation and there are too many people, but if you learn how to fucking merge and shit this should not happen. Its like a 4 fucking lane highway in each direction, what do you want. Anyway, we spent a good 90 minutes getting to the actual 90. At this point I had driven way way too long and was very close to passing out. We stopped for coffee and Katie took over the wheel.
Katie drove us to Madison fairly uneventfully. That was really what we were looking for in the drive from Chicago to Madison, so we were pleased. We called my bro just before we got there and shockingly, he was awake and lively. Apparently he was moving out that day so he had plenty of time. He wasnt getting his U-Haul until that night so we decided to meet up and go out for breakfast. It was a very good time.
The shitty part is that the last two times I have seen my bro have been in a fucking Perkins and neither of them has really lasted more than an hour and a half. I havent seen the dude for any significant amount of time since Christmastime and that blows. Especially since we have more and more shit in common and stuff. I mean, he likes beer now, he seems to hang out more. He would appreciate the Turf Club and Sweeneys and Nye's etc. Not that this is anything in common with me, but he has also lost an incredible amount of weight. I mean, he has been losing weight for a while, he had when I saw him this Spring, but after an entire summer of working outside, fetilizing and such, he is incredibly tanned and most likely the skinniest Baxter. If not entirely, he is very close to my mom. We had lunch, talked about shit, school, Japanese, his friends Rachelle and Ally (sic and sic) (whom, for that matter, he is not dating, contrary to common opinion) and so on. I hope we at least get to go home for Thanksgiving or something so I can spend more than a lunch at Perkins with him.
Anyway, I was exhausted but managed to drive the rest of the way into Minneapolis. We stopped at some fabric store so we could get stuff to finish up Pete's punk rock pillow. It was a brilliant creation, a blue back with a front that had a green frog playing a guitar labeled "Bob" and the last two lines from "Celebrated Summer" cross-stitched on the front. It was really really cool and only took her like 2 days. She is an outrageously skilled cross stitcher and I think Pete thought it was cool. Hopefully the kitsch value will last the test of time. So we got home at like 4:45 and hit the sack pretty much instantly. I left messages for my rents, but we went to sleep around 5 and didnt wake up until about 8.
So I woke up then and wandered downstairs. It was really really fucking hot, since my parents don't seem to believe in air conditioning, so I wasnt able to stay asleep any longer, no matter how tired I was. I went looking for some food, failed, and instead wandered into my mom's room to say hello. She was sitting on the couch, watching Will and Grace, and I sat down to say hi. Katie was still asleep and would likely stay that way either until the morning or until I woke her up. So my mom and I exchanged our pleasantries, how was the job, how are you doing, how was the drive, how is Katie, when did you leave, when does work start, are you ready for school, so on and so on and so on. That conversation was about 20 minutes long or whatever.
So then my mom starts talking in some fashion about the whole divorce situation. She is not being very specific and its very obvious that she is nervous or uncomfortable about something. Earlier that day my bro and I had been speculating about whether or not either mom or dad were dating anyone, and I suspected that maybe she was going to tell me that she was. We had both concluded that there was virtually no chance that dad was with someone else, but I guess that was a possiblity to. Instead she told me that she was gay.
It was an odd experience primarily because I simply had never thought of that possibility. I guess she had never really given me any reason to believe that she was and the whole heterosexual marriage and children thing sort of led me in the other direction. We talked about the thing for a while and as long as she and my dad are both okay I am genuinely happy for her. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be in the closet for 40ish years. The world is obviously a very different place than it was when she decided that marriage would be an easier and safer route than being a gay woman. It was and is a little weird, but in the end I am glad she is happy.
I haven't really had the chance to talk to anyone besides Katie about the situation. I have the feeling Andy will be a little pissed that I didnt tell him in person, but the last night I saw him he was way too fucking wasted to have any serious discussion. Regardless, we have had some nice conversations with my mother, its very obvious that she is a much happier person these days. I am glad she has friends and support that she didnt have before.
We went out that night to Andy J's new place. His parents moved into a townhouse which is right behind the Culver's in the AV. Its a pretty decent looking townhome actually. There is a gigantic lofted ceiling in the living room that I like and he pretty much has the whole basement to himself, a psuedo apartment. He doesnt have a kitchen, but theres a TV, a couch, a card table, and his bedroom. Its not just any TV either, its fucking Andy J's kick ass television, which he got for a steal because his bro worked at Best Buy. Regardless, it appears to be the place where everybody chills nowadays and I can understand why. They play alot of poker, I mean a fucking lot of poker.
Sanjay was in town and so Thursday night, after Katie and I had a long discussion, we headed to Andy J's basement to see all the folks. Reuter, Kevin, Sanjay, Andy J, Andy K., Dobs, Maroney, and Nermy were all in full motherfuckin effizect. We played poker for a couple hours and caught up on old times. I was extraordinarily worried that I wouldnt be able to keep up my non smoking thing, but I did regardless of all the times I wanted one. I can smell cigarettes so much more distinctly than I ever could before and holy shit does tobacco rock. I miss my lovely cigarettes, maybe I will have a cigar around my birthday or something. I got a little drunk that first night and Katie drove me home. I was very impressed with my ability to drink without smoking, something I am now confident I have down.
Friday night was the wedding, which I have said a little about before. Katie was in charge of Sanjay, Andy Kemp, and I. I spent the afternoon helping Andy pick out a present and dealing with the ideological difficulties he encountered in the form of the Wedding Registry. We had smoked a little bit before we went to Target and Andy was not his normally sober and together self. He asked every young and beautiful woman in the store if they thought that Wedding Registries distanced people from each other and if they destroyed the bond between wedding couple and the wedding guests. Regardless, it was very funny. We ran into Mrs. Wilking and her youngest daughter in the new SuperTarget and I think they could figure that we were not the most in touch of gentlemen. After a number of ridiculous debacles we got out of there with a legitimately nice vase and a set of bowls with lids which Andy purchased only because he was pissed that Katie and I had gotten Pete and Meg two presents and didnt want to be shown up.
We arrived at the wedding, Sanjay and Andy toked up in the parking garage, and we ran into James, Moody, and Cassie. Thank God that we did, because my attempt to carry the present was a failure, I am simply too weak. James helped me out. I won't say exactly what the present was in case the happy couple hasn't opened it, but trust me, it was heavy as fucking hell and I hadn't counted on carrying it up a hill into the Union Depot place. We ran into all sorts of people after we entered the door, and thankfully there was a young woman to take the present from me. We talked to the Tara Lucinda Tate, who is looking very well, about her exciting new job in charge of one of the most prestigous debate programs in the country. We talked to Fishy, who Katie had seen recently but hadn't entered my vision since sections, and saw Erin K. who I correctly assumed would be sloppy sloppy sloppy ass drunk by the end of the evening.
The ceremony was nice and very very quick. It was cute and romantic without being over the top. I think me and Andy were the only ones who caught it, but we both started to giggle when part of the vows was "To play with each other." The bridesmaid's dressers were classy, the whole trend of the same fabric and colors in different dress styles. That worked especially well given Claire's (Meg's sister) clothing constraints. Meg's dress was very pretty and I really like her hair, especially since I am not traditionally given to updos. The physical space of the Union Depot place was very good for a wedding as well. It was a little hot, but I was wearing a shirt and tie and it is a Minnesota August. There were large vaulted ceilings and good lighting and a very pretty bar. I already spoke about the food, but it rocked. There was a tasty dessert which was similar to a apple and cheese filled baklava, lots of the flaky phylo layers, you know what I mean.
Andy, Sanjay, and I drank alot of booze. I mean, we drank alot of booze. There was beer from the moment the ceremony ended to the moment dinner started. I had a beer with me during dinner, but we drank wine as well. We were at the table which I prefer to call the "people who can tolerate Andy Kemp" table and of course had to act like it. Hannah and Kaya were at the table with us, so at least I got to spend some time with the big K. I never see the dude, but holy fuck has he grown. I cannot even explain how much older he is now nor can I explain how much he looks like his dad. Fuck, he is a little AJ, which is slightly scary, but also kinda cool. Everyone at our table had to act like they were at the table they were at however, including badly hitting on a waitress and drinking wine out of coffee cups. What the fuck people, there were wine glasses on the table, why don't you use them. They just seem to have disappeared or something. Fucking minors, buck up and get a wine glass. If it was later and we had been drinking for three hours, that is one thing, but we couldnt have had more than a couple drinks each.
Regardless, we went on to drink up to those expectations, though I never got quite drunk enough to dance. I did get to see Cort and Carol dance to Digital Underground, so at least that was good. Dobs was getting down by the end of the evening, about the time that Andy started to buy shots of Crown Royal for everyone. That also solidified my drunkenness and luckily the bar closed shortly afterwards. We said goodbye to everyone and eventually made our way back to the parking garage for another round of puffing out of a mickey-frickin Coke can. I forget to mention that no one had a piece on them, and since I quit smoking papers were not available. So we hit it up with Hannah and AJ and Katie endured the long and extraordinarily difficult process of driving us home. Andy was loud and obnoxious (surprise) and Sanjay had an extensive argument with his mother about whether or not we had a sober driver and whether or not he himself had been drinking.
We eventually did make it down to Andy J's house, where we hung around for a minute before going home. I was able to sleep all day so I woke up with only a moderate hang over. We sat around the house and had a tasty dinner on Saturday night, an old fashioned Minnesota family barbecue. Some homemade bratwurst (not homemade in my home, but homemade by the butcher my parents bought it from), sweet corn on the cob, and baked beans. Yummy yum yum. I hadn't had brats all summer, partially because I dont have a que, partially because they aren't as big out here, and partially because there weren't homies to que it up with.
We actually had lunch with my mother that day as well. We went to Culver's and rolled Butterburer style. Their turtle sundaes are mighty tasty, even if they don't match up to those served at the Tasty Treat down the street from my house. It was good. Even though we didnt spend as much time with my dad as I would have liked, I guess it was reasonable that there was more time with my mom this time around. Saturday night we went to Fishy's place, saw his daugher Lexy again, and played some poker. We also admired Fishy's DVD collection and watched both Jackass and Old School. I forgot how fucking hilarious Will Farrell can be.
We left Fishy's place late and I dropped Andy and Sanjay off at B-Dubs before taking Katie home to sleep. She had drank a good deal of wine and needed some rest. I left as she fell asleep and went back to Andy's. We played poker and Mario Golf Toadstool Tour (a fantastic fucking game and the inspiration for my plan to get a GameCube) till the sunset. Andy managed to get himself fucking wasted in the 45 minutes I was gone, but we still had a good time. I was scared Andy and Kevin were about to kill each other, but that kinda shit happens.
Alright, that is way more than enough updating. I will check y'iz'all on the flizzle.
Peace,
MB-K
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Brief Shout Outs
First of all, to the happy newlyweds, Meg and Pete. The wedding this Friday evening, for which I came back to the TC, was fantastic. Alot of people I had not seen in many moons were in attendance. The drinking was good, I have no idea how much alcohol I consumed, but based on the behavior of myself, Sanjay, and Andy on the ride back from the reception, I would estimate about 1 buttload. The food was fantastico. Christo's, a greek restaurant, was in charge and they came strong. I don't know exactly how much say Pete and Meg personally had over the menu, but whoever made the final decisions shares my palate. There was a solid Greek salad with beaucoup de feta and olives, there were some green beans and some baby red potatoes. There was a really tasty beef tenderloin dish in a tomato sauce-it was excellent. Very Northern Greece, right in the mountains on the Italian border. Mario did a show there once, though I can't remember the taste of the region. It mixes the Italian appearnce of a pasta sauce with some very distinctly Greek flavors in the beef. It was rounded out by a phylo pastry wrapped chicken breast. Very very good. I will talk more about the food and the wedding at some point. This is just a brief shout out. Congrats to the honeymooners.
Others on the brief shout out list-Sanjay, for winning last night's poker tournament; Katie for finishing the largest glass of wine ever poured by a human being; Leslie Fishbein for some incredible bruschetta; and my parents, specifically my mother, for reasons that an entirely different, much longer post will have to tackle when I retrun to Suckalo. I think we are heading to the MOA now, Katie has to get the shopping fix, even if I am counting on my parents to buy Chipotle for lunch.
Peace,
MB-K
Others on the brief shout out list-Sanjay, for winning last night's poker tournament; Katie for finishing the largest glass of wine ever poured by a human being; Leslie Fishbein for some incredible bruschetta; and my parents, specifically my mother, for reasons that an entirely different, much longer post will have to tackle when I retrun to Suckalo. I think we are heading to the MOA now, Katie has to get the shopping fix, even if I am counting on my parents to buy Chipotle for lunch.
Peace,
MB-K
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Denis Leary Tribeuce
So tonight is the Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary and besides the fact that Comedy Central has been promoting the fuck out of this show, they have also had alot of Denis Leary stuff on all weekend. I haven't exactly loved his movies and I dont think I ever saw an episode of The Job, which from everything I have heard, is definitively one of the worst shows ever made.
Nonetheless, having not seen this Roast, I must give Mr. Leary his props. It might just be because I had this routine both on CD and video tape but No Cure for Cancer is one of the best acts ever. There are so many classic bits included, the NyQuil bit, the asshole song, the restaurant with two smoking sections. I think almost everyone knows at least a couple lines from No Cure for Cancer:
"Oh yeah, the filter's the best part. Thats where they keep the heroin. Only us real good smokers know that fuckin secret."
"I built a bong out of my head!! Stick the pot in this ear smoke it out of this one."
"NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you, you giant fucking Q."
"I had a six-foot erection with a giant cheeseburger on the end."
I could go on and on, but I am sure it would just bore you.
Anyway. Maybe at some point I had enough in common with Denis Leary politically that this was alot funnier for me than it was for others. Even though I no longer agree with him on almost anything, his bits are so well done, so perfectly timed and arranged and have the kind of staying power that you rarely see in stand up. To some extent No Cure for Cancer might be referred to as a "one-person show" rather than simply stand up. Its filmed in that fashion, everything is even meore rehearsed than your average Comedy Central special. I need that DVD too, I gotta get on top of these DVDs that I need.
Regardless, I just wanted to give some mad props to Denis Leary on his roast day. It will probably always be my favorite routine and I doubt I will ever lose the ability to do the rant at the end of Asshole. "And when I'm done suckin down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag, then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side, and their ain't a goddam thing you can do about it, you know why? Because we got the bombs okay. Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want, they can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tianneman square and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs."
As an actual argument about the political order of the world at the end of the Cold War, this may be pure nonsense. But it is brilliantly written and "democracy cakewalk through Tianneman Sqaure" is fucking comic gold.
Peace,
MB-K
Nonetheless, having not seen this Roast, I must give Mr. Leary his props. It might just be because I had this routine both on CD and video tape but No Cure for Cancer is one of the best acts ever. There are so many classic bits included, the NyQuil bit, the asshole song, the restaurant with two smoking sections. I think almost everyone knows at least a couple lines from No Cure for Cancer:
"Oh yeah, the filter's the best part. Thats where they keep the heroin. Only us real good smokers know that fuckin secret."
"I built a bong out of my head!! Stick the pot in this ear smoke it out of this one."
"NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you, you giant fucking Q."
"I had a six-foot erection with a giant cheeseburger on the end."
I could go on and on, but I am sure it would just bore you.
Anyway. Maybe at some point I had enough in common with Denis Leary politically that this was alot funnier for me than it was for others. Even though I no longer agree with him on almost anything, his bits are so well done, so perfectly timed and arranged and have the kind of staying power that you rarely see in stand up. To some extent No Cure for Cancer might be referred to as a "one-person show" rather than simply stand up. Its filmed in that fashion, everything is even meore rehearsed than your average Comedy Central special. I need that DVD too, I gotta get on top of these DVDs that I need.
Regardless, I just wanted to give some mad props to Denis Leary on his roast day. It will probably always be my favorite routine and I doubt I will ever lose the ability to do the rant at the end of Asshole. "And when I'm done suckin down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag, then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side, and their ain't a goddam thing you can do about it, you know why? Because we got the bombs okay. Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want, they can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tianneman square and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs."
As an actual argument about the political order of the world at the end of the Cold War, this may be pure nonsense. But it is brilliantly written and "democracy cakewalk through Tianneman Sqaure" is fucking comic gold.
Peace,
MB-K
Saturday, August 09, 2003
Annabel Continued...
So here is the deal, it may get a little complicated, and I probably won’t go through and actively edit this enough to make it perfectly clear. The most interesting part of the movie, at least in my opinion, is when the documentary maker appears to hand Ron Jeremy and the producer of Annabel’s Gangbang a piece of Annabel’s collegiate writing. They read it over and both appear pretty stunned, Ron especially, commenting first on how different she sounds on paper from what she says in person. The director says the most incredible thing in the whole film:
“Her intellect, her persona, is that of a delicate flower. Doesn’t that in itself become more obscene knowing that she can write and think like a human being, in fact, better than most.”
Wow, it blows me away. Seriously it does, out of all the speeches and interviews and college classrooms shown in this film, there is no question that the best line in the whole movie is spoken by a 50-something porn producer in a crappy hotel room. We will go through a couple parts about the quote and talk about it, probably in relation to Lacan, but lets note first of all, that it is exactly in contradiction to anything like Concordia's naked argument and, depending on how we see Ms. Chong’s comments, completely contradicts the on-face message of the film. This fact should become clear as we go through the statement itself.
First off, her body is in no way involved in the statement. The only lines which precede the quote I have above are discussing the fact that when she is in the spotlight she gets too nervous to talk in the same way that she writes. We have her intellect and her persona. Now, obviously, the fact that she is a porn star involved in the World’s Biggest GangBang is the assumed background here, so we won’t ignore that. The point of this fact is that it changes what we may assume is the object of the second sentence (at least it’s the second sentence as I have written the movie out) from her body or the pornographic material to “her intellect, her persona.” It is these elements that are referred to by the “that” in “Doesn’t THAT itself become more obscene.”
Reading her body back into the statement we can add the context of the quote in. Here is how I would formulate it: “Doesn’t the fact that the woman involved in the world’s biggest gangbang is smarter than most people make her (not the video, not her body, not the sex acts involed) even more obscene.” There is no question, none at all, that if read this way the quote is directly against any sort of project by which the incorporation of nudity and intellectualism subverts the demeaning tones of the sexual element. In fact, this quote is pretty much a straight turn. Nudity and sexuality are not brought into line, are not transformative, are not less exploitative towards women, but intellect is sexualized and obscenity dominates her thought.
Without going into the Lacanian blah-bitty-blah (I really like that spelling of blabbity blah by the way) that I plan to do shortly, there are some other ways we can tell this pretty easily. To start, Annabel’s gangbang is the best selling porno video of all time, selling more than 40,000 copies at the time this documentary was made and still going strong. That is apparently about 3 times as many copies as what would be considered a runaway blockbuster in the pornographic world. Annabel’s popularity in the intellectual arena happens to be a whole hell of a lot lower than her popularity in the world of masturbatory videography. What she interpreted as a project to show feminine involvement in the sexual act has become the most whacked-off-to thing ever created. Furthermore, the end of the film (though there are some sad moments) is ultimately not Annabel’s success in the academy. She does graduate from USC, but ultimately elects to return to the world of pornography. Where she apparently still resides. The conversation she has with the documentary maker at the end of the film is revealing. She is in the car smoking and speaking about how she feels going back to work, 1 year or more since she last made porn.
“Yeah, I am feeling nervous. I am more nervous now than I am, like, the first time I did it. I got nothing to prove, right, nothing to live up or down to, so. I guess, hell, I’ll just go in and have fun. But now, I mean, you remember that bitchy phone call, you know, “I AM ANNABEL CHONG!” Today I am just sitting here thinking “Am I Annabel Chong? Can I still do it? Do I still have what I need? After all that has happened, you know, have I once and for all lost my balls?””
The attitude we are seeing here is no question different than what we had back in the days where the woman responding to the “reverse patriarchy” went to get fucked on screen for fun. She explicitly compares for us how she feels today versus how she felt back in those days. Why is nervousness a component of the story now? The next sentence answers this question, SHE HAS NOTHING TO PROVE!! Without the ideological element of the equation there a “regular” reaction to pornography arises. She doesn’t have anything she has to live either up or down to and only then is she nervous. Pornography is more threatening, involves more questions about identity and the like, sans the intellectual bullshit.
Okay, I have to keep this in small chunks. I can do like 40ish hours of work a week, but Wal Mart has eaten up most of those hours. Serious preliminary writing about film will have to wait. On the brightside, we got a section of a paper/book coming along here. Now I just need season 3 of CSI on DVD.
Peace,
MB-K
“Her intellect, her persona, is that of a delicate flower. Doesn’t that in itself become more obscene knowing that she can write and think like a human being, in fact, better than most.”
Wow, it blows me away. Seriously it does, out of all the speeches and interviews and college classrooms shown in this film, there is no question that the best line in the whole movie is spoken by a 50-something porn producer in a crappy hotel room. We will go through a couple parts about the quote and talk about it, probably in relation to Lacan, but lets note first of all, that it is exactly in contradiction to anything like Concordia's naked argument and, depending on how we see Ms. Chong’s comments, completely contradicts the on-face message of the film. This fact should become clear as we go through the statement itself.
First off, her body is in no way involved in the statement. The only lines which precede the quote I have above are discussing the fact that when she is in the spotlight she gets too nervous to talk in the same way that she writes. We have her intellect and her persona. Now, obviously, the fact that she is a porn star involved in the World’s Biggest GangBang is the assumed background here, so we won’t ignore that. The point of this fact is that it changes what we may assume is the object of the second sentence (at least it’s the second sentence as I have written the movie out) from her body or the pornographic material to “her intellect, her persona.” It is these elements that are referred to by the “that” in “Doesn’t THAT itself become more obscene.”
Reading her body back into the statement we can add the context of the quote in. Here is how I would formulate it: “Doesn’t the fact that the woman involved in the world’s biggest gangbang is smarter than most people make her (not the video, not her body, not the sex acts involed) even more obscene.” There is no question, none at all, that if read this way the quote is directly against any sort of project by which the incorporation of nudity and intellectualism subverts the demeaning tones of the sexual element. In fact, this quote is pretty much a straight turn. Nudity and sexuality are not brought into line, are not transformative, are not less exploitative towards women, but intellect is sexualized and obscenity dominates her thought.
Without going into the Lacanian blah-bitty-blah (I really like that spelling of blabbity blah by the way) that I plan to do shortly, there are some other ways we can tell this pretty easily. To start, Annabel’s gangbang is the best selling porno video of all time, selling more than 40,000 copies at the time this documentary was made and still going strong. That is apparently about 3 times as many copies as what would be considered a runaway blockbuster in the pornographic world. Annabel’s popularity in the intellectual arena happens to be a whole hell of a lot lower than her popularity in the world of masturbatory videography. What she interpreted as a project to show feminine involvement in the sexual act has become the most whacked-off-to thing ever created. Furthermore, the end of the film (though there are some sad moments) is ultimately not Annabel’s success in the academy. She does graduate from USC, but ultimately elects to return to the world of pornography. Where she apparently still resides. The conversation she has with the documentary maker at the end of the film is revealing. She is in the car smoking and speaking about how she feels going back to work, 1 year or more since she last made porn.
“Yeah, I am feeling nervous. I am more nervous now than I am, like, the first time I did it. I got nothing to prove, right, nothing to live up or down to, so. I guess, hell, I’ll just go in and have fun. But now, I mean, you remember that bitchy phone call, you know, “I AM ANNABEL CHONG!” Today I am just sitting here thinking “Am I Annabel Chong? Can I still do it? Do I still have what I need? After all that has happened, you know, have I once and for all lost my balls?””
The attitude we are seeing here is no question different than what we had back in the days where the woman responding to the “reverse patriarchy” went to get fucked on screen for fun. She explicitly compares for us how she feels today versus how she felt back in those days. Why is nervousness a component of the story now? The next sentence answers this question, SHE HAS NOTHING TO PROVE!! Without the ideological element of the equation there a “regular” reaction to pornography arises. She doesn’t have anything she has to live either up or down to and only then is she nervous. Pornography is more threatening, involves more questions about identity and the like, sans the intellectual bullshit.
Okay, I have to keep this in small chunks. I can do like 40ish hours of work a week, but Wal Mart has eaten up most of those hours. Serious preliminary writing about film will have to wait. On the brightside, we got a section of a paper/book coming along here. Now I just need season 3 of CSI on DVD.
Peace,
MB-K
Friday, August 08, 2003
Annabel Chong
So Netflix recommended this documentary to me called Sex: The Annabel Chong story. Annable Chong apparently started the trend of the "World's Biggest GangBang" genre of pornography and set the world's record for continuous sex when she did 251 guys in 1995. I don't know how exactly the decision to document her was made, but I would imagine she had something to do with it. Very quickly the film indicates that the reason this is interesting is because Annabel Chong was a 22 year old undergraduate student at USC studying Anthropology and Gender Studies.
Now in some ways this is not entirely interesting; alot of the interviews are stupid and with stupid people saying cliched shit about the porn industry that even people who don't care about porn could know or figure out. It also has alot of the lame-ass indie-College-girl things to say about sexuality and such that don't intereest me at all. The woman, whose actual name is Grace something, appears pretty intelligent. Everything she says is better done than the majority of the population, its not brilliant or anything, but certainly not something any random person could come up with.
Yes, women should not be considered passive sex objects in the face of male-dominant sexual activity. Yes, it is ridiculous that while it is considered masculine to have many sex partners as a man it is considered anti-feminine for a woman to emjoy and participate in alot of sex. Yes, sexuality is often repressed or ignored even in "enlightened Western democracies." I don't want to get into the Foucauldian question of repression or expression but you get the point. This film spends a good majority of its length exploring those three issues and they are not fantastic or anything. If the Concordia women are reading this maybe they will really get a kick out of it or whatever. It was not a bad film certainly and at the very least it was interesting. A better way to spend the afternoon than watching reruns of SNL episodes I have seen at least 20 times.
There are a couple times during the film where there actually are some really really cool things done or said. I will mention them briefly, but you can check out the flick if you want to see more. First off, there are a number of other people who are interviewed who are also in the porn industry. Obviously the producers and directors of Annabel's gangbang are there as is Ron Jeremy, who apparently works for this company and was the MC for the event. Well, Jeremy is on her side for no particular reason, he is all like, she is a very intelligent and talented young woman and she should be able to do whatever she wants and I respect her and blah blah blah. Ron Jeremy, regardless of what you think about what he does, has always seemed to just be a nice guy who is generally concerned about other people. Most of the other people are competing porn stars. The only other porn star I can remember saying anything supportive about this woman's decision to do 251 other guys is an obvious drag queen guy who is the star of "Chicks With Dicks."
Everyone else interviewed at this giant porn convention in Las Vegas pretty much said that she was slapping them in the face. One dude said really explicitly that she was re-exposing that porn wasn't as dignified as he thought it was and instead she was exposing porn as the dirty thing that it is. Seriously, there were a bunch of people who were pissed, who said this kind of shit. The film was really explicitly making fun of them, ridiculing the idea that people considered porn something other than sex for money in several ways. First of all, all the people commenting on this were listed as "Mark Johnson-Star of Anal Police 1-4" or whatever on the bottom of the screen. The point of the documentary of course was not to make fun of porn stars or to indicate that they were not intelligent, since Annabel herself was marked as really really smart, but rather that the woman who tried to distinguish herself as an actress in film noirs etc. was upset only because Annabel made it impossible for her to identify herself as something other than someone who fucked for a living.
There was also a segment in which Annabel comes back to porn after a brief hiatus due to the efforts of a new porn director to get her back into the biz. This guy is the "new porn director" who is not pretending to be a real actor director etc. but intsead is the real explicit version of what these other porn stars had accused Annabel of doing. His negotiations with his actors included the phrases "fuck and suck" and "piss and fist" which quite literally made me laugh out loud. The interview with him turned into the conversation about how once you put a camera in the room prostitution becomes legal. Then he simply explained how ridiculous he thought it was that you couldnt "Pay someone to suck your dick. I mean, tell me why not. Why can't you pay someone to suck your dick?" Hilarious and well done. Unfortunately, this portion of the film's argument was only about 5 minutes of the overall run time.
I wrote longer about this than I expected to, so hopefully I will return to the other interesting argument later tonight. Its pretty complicated as well and I am nervous that it may result in a complicated discussion about the encounter with the real. Anyway, I am going to watch Trading Spaces now. Katie tribeuce.
Peace,
MB-K
Now in some ways this is not entirely interesting; alot of the interviews are stupid and with stupid people saying cliched shit about the porn industry that even people who don't care about porn could know or figure out. It also has alot of the lame-ass indie-College-girl things to say about sexuality and such that don't intereest me at all. The woman, whose actual name is Grace something, appears pretty intelligent. Everything she says is better done than the majority of the population, its not brilliant or anything, but certainly not something any random person could come up with.
Yes, women should not be considered passive sex objects in the face of male-dominant sexual activity. Yes, it is ridiculous that while it is considered masculine to have many sex partners as a man it is considered anti-feminine for a woman to emjoy and participate in alot of sex. Yes, sexuality is often repressed or ignored even in "enlightened Western democracies." I don't want to get into the Foucauldian question of repression or expression but you get the point. This film spends a good majority of its length exploring those three issues and they are not fantastic or anything. If the Concordia women are reading this maybe they will really get a kick out of it or whatever. It was not a bad film certainly and at the very least it was interesting. A better way to spend the afternoon than watching reruns of SNL episodes I have seen at least 20 times.
There are a couple times during the film where there actually are some really really cool things done or said. I will mention them briefly, but you can check out the flick if you want to see more. First off, there are a number of other people who are interviewed who are also in the porn industry. Obviously the producers and directors of Annabel's gangbang are there as is Ron Jeremy, who apparently works for this company and was the MC for the event. Well, Jeremy is on her side for no particular reason, he is all like, she is a very intelligent and talented young woman and she should be able to do whatever she wants and I respect her and blah blah blah. Ron Jeremy, regardless of what you think about what he does, has always seemed to just be a nice guy who is generally concerned about other people. Most of the other people are competing porn stars. The only other porn star I can remember saying anything supportive about this woman's decision to do 251 other guys is an obvious drag queen guy who is the star of "Chicks With Dicks."
Everyone else interviewed at this giant porn convention in Las Vegas pretty much said that she was slapping them in the face. One dude said really explicitly that she was re-exposing that porn wasn't as dignified as he thought it was and instead she was exposing porn as the dirty thing that it is. Seriously, there were a bunch of people who were pissed, who said this kind of shit. The film was really explicitly making fun of them, ridiculing the idea that people considered porn something other than sex for money in several ways. First of all, all the people commenting on this were listed as "Mark Johnson-Star of Anal Police 1-4" or whatever on the bottom of the screen. The point of the documentary of course was not to make fun of porn stars or to indicate that they were not intelligent, since Annabel herself was marked as really really smart, but rather that the woman who tried to distinguish herself as an actress in film noirs etc. was upset only because Annabel made it impossible for her to identify herself as something other than someone who fucked for a living.
There was also a segment in which Annabel comes back to porn after a brief hiatus due to the efforts of a new porn director to get her back into the biz. This guy is the "new porn director" who is not pretending to be a real actor director etc. but intsead is the real explicit version of what these other porn stars had accused Annabel of doing. His negotiations with his actors included the phrases "fuck and suck" and "piss and fist" which quite literally made me laugh out loud. The interview with him turned into the conversation about how once you put a camera in the room prostitution becomes legal. Then he simply explained how ridiculous he thought it was that you couldnt "Pay someone to suck your dick. I mean, tell me why not. Why can't you pay someone to suck your dick?" Hilarious and well done. Unfortunately, this portion of the film's argument was only about 5 minutes of the overall run time.
I wrote longer about this than I expected to, so hopefully I will return to the other interesting argument later tonight. Its pretty complicated as well and I am nervous that it may result in a complicated discussion about the encounter with the real. Anyway, I am going to watch Trading Spaces now. Katie tribeuce.
Peace,
MB-K
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Pros and Cons and Whatev...
So a brief continuation of the pros and cons:
pro-I have a bigger computer monitor to use
con-katie has my laptop
pro-I can watch the TV shows that I always like, regardless of what Katie would watch
con-its really kinda fun to see her react to the shows she doenst like and its cute to watch the shows she likes
pro-I didnt have to work on Monday
con-I was really really lonely
That is enough of the whole pros and cons thing. It was a great idea on Monday and I really was just gonna run with it, but eventually it just didnt work anymore so I gave up on the whole fucking thing. No more pros and cons.
So on Monday early afternoon I got a call from the Dobs. The Dobs was like, I am in New York City and I am driving home, I will stop by. I was all like sure, whatev the Dobs. So he said he would call me when he got close, probably around 7 that night. I got no call from the Dobs that day and that was no surprise, since Dobs has told me he would be here three different times and has never shown. Sometimes he calls me from wherever it is he was going and informs me that he accidentally drove by. Sometimes he misses his turn, sometimes it was too early or too late, sometimes his phone breaks. Sometimes he doesnt realize how far it is to Buffalo, etc. etc.
Well, imagine my surprise when the Dobs called me the next day to say he didnt leave on Monday but would actually be leaving that day. I got the messages when I woke up to go to work, as I obviously wasn't going to wake up to answer a call from a number I didnt know at like 9:30 am. I was still all like, believe that shit when I be seein that shit and shit.
The ultimate point is that the Dobs called me that evening and actually showed up at my apartment. We didn't really do anything, we just sat here, smoked a little stuff that the Dobs brought with him and chilled. It is a little ridiculous that I havent really hung around with anyone besides Katie in like 2 1/2 months. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to just chill out in the old apartment with the Katie bear and watch reruns of Dawson's Creek or the Gilmore Girls or any of the WB's other quality programs. Nonetheless, I miss the occassional chillin night with the old folks from the TC.
Anyway, that was my night with the Dobs. He apparently got these tattoos, one of which is okay though it is some Japanese characters that mean bravery or whatever with a Japanese fighting fish in front of them. It actually looks pretty good, regardless of your personal feelings about tattooing Japanese characters on yourself and the value of the words those characters represent. It is just a decent looking tattoo, I like the "font" (or whatever its called in the tattooing world) and the design etc. You may have specific feelings about tattoos of Japanese fighting fish too but I have virtually no experience with them, so go fuck yourself. I think they are kinda cool, even though I have never actually seen them fight.
So on the less cool side, the Dobs got another tattoo. That tattoo is his initials, which isnt inherently loserific, but he did get it on his ankle. Seriously, the Dobs has a tattoo on his ankle, its so lame and so loserish and so fucked up. Its absolutely ridiclous. I mean, the Dobs recognizes that at this point, he was not sober and made a mistake. None the less, it is funny as hell when you see the Dobs and his ankle tat. The Dobs just has to pray that he never goes to jail with a tatoo on his ankle, it is really lame. Make sure no woman ever sees him with his socks off. Poor Dobs.
So the Dobs is driving back to Minnesota now. I bought him some gas this morning, but I dont think he has nearly enough money to get back to Minnesota. He had like 50 bucks, he didnt have any cigarettes, any food, anything to drink, and had to pay for both gasoline and tolls. Tolls alone back to Minnesota are like 20 bucks and gas is simply more than 30. Unless the Dobs' fucking car became a hybrid in the last month or two, I mean, if you get 400 miles per tank you only need 2 1/4 tanks to get home. Fundamentally, the point is that it can't be done. The Dobs was obviously going to buy cigarettes. The Dobs was high, the Dobs was obviously going to buy food and drink. My guess is that he made it somewhere in Ohio before he either called someone he knew in the area or started stealing golf clubs or whatever. I guess we will hear about it later. Maybe from prison, where his ankle tatt gets him some hardcore loving.
Peace,
MB-K
pro-I have a bigger computer monitor to use
con-katie has my laptop
pro-I can watch the TV shows that I always like, regardless of what Katie would watch
con-its really kinda fun to see her react to the shows she doenst like and its cute to watch the shows she likes
pro-I didnt have to work on Monday
con-I was really really lonely
That is enough of the whole pros and cons thing. It was a great idea on Monday and I really was just gonna run with it, but eventually it just didnt work anymore so I gave up on the whole fucking thing. No more pros and cons.
So on Monday early afternoon I got a call from the Dobs. The Dobs was like, I am in New York City and I am driving home, I will stop by. I was all like sure, whatev the Dobs. So he said he would call me when he got close, probably around 7 that night. I got no call from the Dobs that day and that was no surprise, since Dobs has told me he would be here three different times and has never shown. Sometimes he calls me from wherever it is he was going and informs me that he accidentally drove by. Sometimes he misses his turn, sometimes it was too early or too late, sometimes his phone breaks. Sometimes he doesnt realize how far it is to Buffalo, etc. etc.
Well, imagine my surprise when the Dobs called me the next day to say he didnt leave on Monday but would actually be leaving that day. I got the messages when I woke up to go to work, as I obviously wasn't going to wake up to answer a call from a number I didnt know at like 9:30 am. I was still all like, believe that shit when I be seein that shit and shit.
The ultimate point is that the Dobs called me that evening and actually showed up at my apartment. We didn't really do anything, we just sat here, smoked a little stuff that the Dobs brought with him and chilled. It is a little ridiculous that I havent really hung around with anyone besides Katie in like 2 1/2 months. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to just chill out in the old apartment with the Katie bear and watch reruns of Dawson's Creek or the Gilmore Girls or any of the WB's other quality programs. Nonetheless, I miss the occassional chillin night with the old folks from the TC.
Anyway, that was my night with the Dobs. He apparently got these tattoos, one of which is okay though it is some Japanese characters that mean bravery or whatever with a Japanese fighting fish in front of them. It actually looks pretty good, regardless of your personal feelings about tattooing Japanese characters on yourself and the value of the words those characters represent. It is just a decent looking tattoo, I like the "font" (or whatever its called in the tattooing world) and the design etc. You may have specific feelings about tattoos of Japanese fighting fish too but I have virtually no experience with them, so go fuck yourself. I think they are kinda cool, even though I have never actually seen them fight.
So on the less cool side, the Dobs got another tattoo. That tattoo is his initials, which isnt inherently loserific, but he did get it on his ankle. Seriously, the Dobs has a tattoo on his ankle, its so lame and so loserish and so fucked up. Its absolutely ridiclous. I mean, the Dobs recognizes that at this point, he was not sober and made a mistake. None the less, it is funny as hell when you see the Dobs and his ankle tat. The Dobs just has to pray that he never goes to jail with a tatoo on his ankle, it is really lame. Make sure no woman ever sees him with his socks off. Poor Dobs.
So the Dobs is driving back to Minnesota now. I bought him some gas this morning, but I dont think he has nearly enough money to get back to Minnesota. He had like 50 bucks, he didnt have any cigarettes, any food, anything to drink, and had to pay for both gasoline and tolls. Tolls alone back to Minnesota are like 20 bucks and gas is simply more than 30. Unless the Dobs' fucking car became a hybrid in the last month or two, I mean, if you get 400 miles per tank you only need 2 1/4 tanks to get home. Fundamentally, the point is that it can't be done. The Dobs was obviously going to buy cigarettes. The Dobs was high, the Dobs was obviously going to buy food and drink. My guess is that he made it somewhere in Ohio before he either called someone he knew in the area or started stealing golf clubs or whatever. I guess we will hear about it later. Maybe from prison, where his ankle tatt gets him some hardcore loving.
Peace,
MB-K
Monday, August 04, 2003
It Was The Best of Times...
...it was also, of course, the worst of times.
We will do this in some sort of pro and con list.
Pro: The NFL Season is underway
This rocks for several reasons obviously, first of all, its just a great fucking sport. It is fun to watch no matter who is playing, it is the best fucking game in the world and there ain't no answer to that shit. I get to watch football highlights every morning on SportsCenter, there is new shit on packers.com everyday, overall things are just much better. I have occassionally been looking at the Green Bay Gazette online to read their Packers coverage, which is always wonderful and extensive. Most importantly, I get to watch the Packers play.
Preseason is preseason obviously, we all understand that its not real football and the scores don't mean anything or whatever, but still, its like football. Even if its only for 2 series I got to watch Favre play the game tonight and it don't get much better than that shit. The Packers offense did not look well in a couple respects, the O Line especially, who let my boy Vonnie through and gave someone who was not an ex-Packer their own chance to hit Brett Favre. I was screaming at Sherman to get him out of there at that point, you dont let Brett Fucking Farve get hit twice in a preseason game. Its not like he forgot how to be the best quarterback I have ever seen play the game in the offseason. Still, I understand that Sherman needs the offense, especially with so many new players at the skill positions, get some game situation reps together.
I also don't need to explain to anyone who listened to or watched any of the game tonight how strained the Pack offensive attack was. We were missing both of our high caliber tackles and the first timers we have backing them up are simply no good. Tauscher and Clifton are both pro-bowl quality takcles if they are healthy all year and shit, but regardless, we will see about that. Neither of them are playing until week three of the preseason, which is the Packers first game on grass. By that point at least Favre will be playing the first entire quarter and we will see how the offense looks. We were also of course missing both Driver and Ferguson, meaning that Carston Bailey and this Hicks dude and Javon Walker were starting at wideout, so that also eliminates some options. Favre got hit twice because of these combinations. Ahman Green played a little bit and didnt look either bad or spectacular. He took a really nicely set up screen pass for like 18 yards and it looked like the good old days back in 1997. Even without a legitimate tackle the blocking was well done.
Favre also made one classic play. With the pocket collapsing on a seven step drop Favre stepped up in the center and fired a 23 yard completion to Javon Walker. He slung it about 3/4 arm and he still has the fucking mustard. I believe he finished 4 for 6 with 54 yards, not bad at all for the preseason. Far too many passes, even those of Doug Pederson, are going to tight ends who don't have the skills. I suppose they are prepping for the fact that with the potentially probable signing of Wesley Walls tomorrow, if the young wide outs don't develop most of the plays will be 7 yard flashes over the middle, since at least we know Bubba and Wes can catch the ball.
The other side of the ball presented some alternate conundrums. To begin with, we have reason to be questioning the linebackers, starting a rookie and some brand new people. No matter how good this Nick Barnett kid is gonna be, I don't know if he has the nuts this early in his career. Sherman says he looks fucking great in practice and that even if he doesnt have it this year, he is the future leader of this defence. The d-line stays pretty strong, though we lose Vonnie, we have KGB and Joe Johnson, who I think are both still on the way up.
The secondary looks great, we have awesome corners. Also, our corners are identical, they both have those long ass dark braids which cover their names and similar body structures. Their numbers are also a little close. None the less, they both made at least one sweet play. McKenzie should be the fucking stud in a world where there is another true shut down corner on the other side. Anyway, I like at least our pass defense once we get our junior linebackers together.
I will save further commentary about how much Brett Favre rocks for later on. There is at least one more entire season of this discussion.
Con: Katie left for the Wyoming Debate Co-Operative today
I have nothing against the Wyoming Debate Co-Operative, except for the fact that it is a bunch of hippie communists living in some communal love fest in the mountains. I know that Katie really likes being there and has been there for every year of its existence. A little debate work every now and then is probably much more exciting than sitting at home watching TLC all day. I mean, I dont know that the amount of work Katie tends to do at this institute is better than watching TLC all day, but a little bit would be. She gets to see Dave and her other friends out there and overall I am for it.
Nonetheless, it leaves me lonely here, and still having to work at Wal-Mart. I can handle it for the last week and a half, but I dont know that I could have done any more. I do not like working there and I do not like being alone. It is a very shitty combination.
Most importantly, it just sucks to get used to someone being here and then have them gone for a significant amout of time. Thankfully Katie will be home before we take our road trip back to the MSP. Can't wait for that shit. Pro and Con list will continue later on, there are more, but I am sick of writing.
Going to watch this American Chopper show instead, I have heard its cool.
Peace,
MB-K
We will do this in some sort of pro and con list.
Pro: The NFL Season is underway
This rocks for several reasons obviously, first of all, its just a great fucking sport. It is fun to watch no matter who is playing, it is the best fucking game in the world and there ain't no answer to that shit. I get to watch football highlights every morning on SportsCenter, there is new shit on packers.com everyday, overall things are just much better. I have occassionally been looking at the Green Bay Gazette online to read their Packers coverage, which is always wonderful and extensive. Most importantly, I get to watch the Packers play.
Preseason is preseason obviously, we all understand that its not real football and the scores don't mean anything or whatever, but still, its like football. Even if its only for 2 series I got to watch Favre play the game tonight and it don't get much better than that shit. The Packers offense did not look well in a couple respects, the O Line especially, who let my boy Vonnie through and gave someone who was not an ex-Packer their own chance to hit Brett Favre. I was screaming at Sherman to get him out of there at that point, you dont let Brett Fucking Farve get hit twice in a preseason game. Its not like he forgot how to be the best quarterback I have ever seen play the game in the offseason. Still, I understand that Sherman needs the offense, especially with so many new players at the skill positions, get some game situation reps together.
I also don't need to explain to anyone who listened to or watched any of the game tonight how strained the Pack offensive attack was. We were missing both of our high caliber tackles and the first timers we have backing them up are simply no good. Tauscher and Clifton are both pro-bowl quality takcles if they are healthy all year and shit, but regardless, we will see about that. Neither of them are playing until week three of the preseason, which is the Packers first game on grass. By that point at least Favre will be playing the first entire quarter and we will see how the offense looks. We were also of course missing both Driver and Ferguson, meaning that Carston Bailey and this Hicks dude and Javon Walker were starting at wideout, so that also eliminates some options. Favre got hit twice because of these combinations. Ahman Green played a little bit and didnt look either bad or spectacular. He took a really nicely set up screen pass for like 18 yards and it looked like the good old days back in 1997. Even without a legitimate tackle the blocking was well done.
Favre also made one classic play. With the pocket collapsing on a seven step drop Favre stepped up in the center and fired a 23 yard completion to Javon Walker. He slung it about 3/4 arm and he still has the fucking mustard. I believe he finished 4 for 6 with 54 yards, not bad at all for the preseason. Far too many passes, even those of Doug Pederson, are going to tight ends who don't have the skills. I suppose they are prepping for the fact that with the potentially probable signing of Wesley Walls tomorrow, if the young wide outs don't develop most of the plays will be 7 yard flashes over the middle, since at least we know Bubba and Wes can catch the ball.
The other side of the ball presented some alternate conundrums. To begin with, we have reason to be questioning the linebackers, starting a rookie and some brand new people. No matter how good this Nick Barnett kid is gonna be, I don't know if he has the nuts this early in his career. Sherman says he looks fucking great in practice and that even if he doesnt have it this year, he is the future leader of this defence. The d-line stays pretty strong, though we lose Vonnie, we have KGB and Joe Johnson, who I think are both still on the way up.
The secondary looks great, we have awesome corners. Also, our corners are identical, they both have those long ass dark braids which cover their names and similar body structures. Their numbers are also a little close. None the less, they both made at least one sweet play. McKenzie should be the fucking stud in a world where there is another true shut down corner on the other side. Anyway, I like at least our pass defense once we get our junior linebackers together.
I will save further commentary about how much Brett Favre rocks for later on. There is at least one more entire season of this discussion.
Con: Katie left for the Wyoming Debate Co-Operative today
I have nothing against the Wyoming Debate Co-Operative, except for the fact that it is a bunch of hippie communists living in some communal love fest in the mountains. I know that Katie really likes being there and has been there for every year of its existence. A little debate work every now and then is probably much more exciting than sitting at home watching TLC all day. I mean, I dont know that the amount of work Katie tends to do at this institute is better than watching TLC all day, but a little bit would be. She gets to see Dave and her other friends out there and overall I am for it.
Nonetheless, it leaves me lonely here, and still having to work at Wal-Mart. I can handle it for the last week and a half, but I dont know that I could have done any more. I do not like working there and I do not like being alone. It is a very shitty combination.
Most importantly, it just sucks to get used to someone being here and then have them gone for a significant amout of time. Thankfully Katie will be home before we take our road trip back to the MSP. Can't wait for that shit. Pro and Con list will continue later on, there are more, but I am sick of writing.
Going to watch this American Chopper show instead, I have heard its cool.
Peace,
MB-K
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Lets Get Buck Naked and...
I am going to attempt to join Mr. Arndt's quest to make someone talk about Concordia's fucking naked ass performance stupid shit debate, but I am not sure it is going to work. My hope is that at least once a day someone will make a more or less explicit reference to taking your clothes off. I would imagine, as Pete and I were talking about and Katie had earlier conjectured, that the dot has comprised some sort of enforced silence policy about the whole incident.
I guess this makes sense in some respects. Apparently Fred took more than a little heat from the administration, and almost from the news media, about the whole event. Reasonably so of course, they should have gotten shit, dude fucking encouraged his collegeiate women to take their clothes off. He talked about it and approved of it, he got them fucking T-shirts. Its not like the ladies just decided to do this themselves and shit, that situation would be different. So I would imagine the whole motive behind the shut-up about the naked thing is to avoid the talk that they had received earlier and the possible bad reprecussions of such a decision on their program.
I do think its weird, however, that despite the fact that the two young women involved, at least one of whom has graduated, aren't talking about it at all. Wasn't the point supposed to be something about the way women are perceived. Wasn't the entire argument premised on the idea that people should react uncomfortably and question the idea of this naked performance. Obviously everyone wasn't going to get it, shouldnt you tell us about it or explain why it isnt the dumbest shit ever. Why the fuck did you even run this shit if you were just going to deny it 3 times before the Gary crowed.
I heard a further interesting story about the whole naked thing, though since any serious discussion about the issue is being avoided like the fucking plague, it hasnt really spread. In one of their naked debates Nikki and Sarah were debating the B team from Whitman, Beth Schuler and Dave Gidry (excuse the spell). These folks had been videotaping all their debates as many people do, especially in big situations like this. Well, they are all together prepping in the room and Dave (I believe he was in charge of the camera) is like, do you mind if I tape the debate. Though I know at least Nikki has been naked on camera several times in less formal fashion (ie: not debating, more intoxicated, and around more intimate acquaintences) I don't know that Sarah has. Regardless, it seems that neither of the two women really wanted to be naked on this dude's videotape. So they are like no.
The gentleman and possibly the gentle-woman from Whitman are like, dude, why not. I do not know the exact words or arguments they presented, but they were related to questions about elitism. Like, why is your argument so special we cant tape it and shit. I am not formulating this well, but I am tired and you get the general point. Apparently it becomes very obvious that Concordia is in a bad spot argumentatively if they do not agree to allow the debate to be videotaped. Concordia eventually loses this debate anyway (at least this is what I was told, I had heard earlier they won both of their nudie rounds) but the interesting thing is that there is apparently a tape of these women debating naked out there somewhere. I am surprised that this at least has not generated more discussion (I mean, at the very least, hasn't Andy Kemp been trying to obtain a copy).
Regardless, the lack of discussion about this is annoying, I hope someone sucks it up and addresses the issue. Don't drop your drawers if you won't defend it, its worse than being non-topical.
Peace,
MB-K
I guess this makes sense in some respects. Apparently Fred took more than a little heat from the administration, and almost from the news media, about the whole event. Reasonably so of course, they should have gotten shit, dude fucking encouraged his collegeiate women to take their clothes off. He talked about it and approved of it, he got them fucking T-shirts. Its not like the ladies just decided to do this themselves and shit, that situation would be different. So I would imagine the whole motive behind the shut-up about the naked thing is to avoid the talk that they had received earlier and the possible bad reprecussions of such a decision on their program.
I do think its weird, however, that despite the fact that the two young women involved, at least one of whom has graduated, aren't talking about it at all. Wasn't the point supposed to be something about the way women are perceived. Wasn't the entire argument premised on the idea that people should react uncomfortably and question the idea of this naked performance. Obviously everyone wasn't going to get it, shouldnt you tell us about it or explain why it isnt the dumbest shit ever. Why the fuck did you even run this shit if you were just going to deny it 3 times before the Gary crowed.
I heard a further interesting story about the whole naked thing, though since any serious discussion about the issue is being avoided like the fucking plague, it hasnt really spread. In one of their naked debates Nikki and Sarah were debating the B team from Whitman, Beth Schuler and Dave Gidry (excuse the spell). These folks had been videotaping all their debates as many people do, especially in big situations like this. Well, they are all together prepping in the room and Dave (I believe he was in charge of the camera) is like, do you mind if I tape the debate. Though I know at least Nikki has been naked on camera several times in less formal fashion (ie: not debating, more intoxicated, and around more intimate acquaintences) I don't know that Sarah has. Regardless, it seems that neither of the two women really wanted to be naked on this dude's videotape. So they are like no.
The gentleman and possibly the gentle-woman from Whitman are like, dude, why not. I do not know the exact words or arguments they presented, but they were related to questions about elitism. Like, why is your argument so special we cant tape it and shit. I am not formulating this well, but I am tired and you get the general point. Apparently it becomes very obvious that Concordia is in a bad spot argumentatively if they do not agree to allow the debate to be videotaped. Concordia eventually loses this debate anyway (at least this is what I was told, I had heard earlier they won both of their nudie rounds) but the interesting thing is that there is apparently a tape of these women debating naked out there somewhere. I am surprised that this at least has not generated more discussion (I mean, at the very least, hasn't Andy Kemp been trying to obtain a copy).
Regardless, the lack of discussion about this is annoying, I hope someone sucks it up and addresses the issue. Don't drop your drawers if you won't defend it, its worse than being non-topical.
Peace,
MB-K
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
No Offense to the People Mentioned...
First, Gary Busey. I really really like this show, I think I have mentioned it before. I haven't come up with anything really profound to say about it. It is very very funny both because Adam is a gigantic dork and Busey is really crazy. I still have a hard time believing that he is not scripting himself out, like that it isn't some sort of redo of Denis Leary's fake reality show last summer. Dude has a new "abbreviation thing" every fucking episode that he has memorized in a fashion that at least appears to me to be genuine. He talks about normal things in his life (where he wants to go for food, what he did in Lethal Weapon, which I guess is normal for Gary Busey) in the same fashion that he says "relationship stands for...." and then whips it off like Michael J. Fox did with SCUBA back in the Family Ties days (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus).
Second, the Concordia Debate Institute is crazy. Lets play a little game here. Its like one of those questions where there are two columns of things and you match the items from one column to the items in the other column. Here are the columns:
very young high school kids with no debate experience moderately complicated arguments
high school seniors with extensive debate experience the most simplistic of arguments
junior varsity level debaters with moderate experiencce really complicated shit
I think its pretty obvious, even to those who don't know dick about asscock when it comes to the world of academic debate, which goes with which. This whole situation came up because what I have been told is Concordia's novice lab is writing some Zizek arg. I know I am a little egocentric about the whole Zizek thing, I feel that I understand him better than almost everyone in the debate community, if for no other reason than because its as close to a profession as I come. I think I should know it better than people who do lots of other shit all the time. All I do is philosophy and most of that is Zizek.
I don't want to degrade those people who try things which are out of their general skill level. The only way you can learn is to challenge yourself and shit. Nonetheless, you can only challenge yourself so far, I think its called like the "level of improvement" or some other stupid stuff that people teach you about in elementary education classes. I think that for almost every high school novice debater Zizek is outside of that level. The fact that Concordia is trying to write the argument with novices bothers me because it will only bolster the impression that Zizek is inaccessable. I don't give a fuck if people think Zizek is inaccessible in the context of debate (because, frankly, I am not sure how well it works there anyway) but it just pisses me off when people lump him in with people like Foucault or Derrida. Regardless of what you think of Zizek's writing there is no argument to be made that he is too esoteric, apolitical, or nihlistic. You can't read more than like two pages without running into something very explicit.
Katie and I just finished watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (it won out in the gay TV choice against a rerun of Will and Grace) and I was a little pissed off for two reasons. First, the gay cook guy kind of bothers me, because I can imagine being on this show and feeling like he was trying to make me look like an ignorant straight guy who doesn't know how to cook. I know that this dude is probably a legit chef who just happens to be gay and hence knows more about food than me, but regardless of my sexual orientation or any other statistic I know more about general cooking than most amateurs. I certainly do watch more of the Food Network. I have no reason to be mad at him, but still, its kinda weird and shit.
Secondly, the dude who was being remade on the show was proposing to his girlfriend. I really liked the dude for the most part he was hot and the new clothes they picked for him were excellent. Good guy overall. But then he decides to propose by putting the ring in this chocolate box and giving it to her. This is obviously a very strong way to propose to someone, but it so ripped me off. I know I am not the first person in history to incorporate the ring inside of chocolate somehow, but I feel that if you are going to do it you better either come up with it without the help of five gay stylist people or it better be ridiculous. This was just a ring inside a chocolate box, I happen to think the ring appearing to be a gigantic chocolate is even better. Its not like Katie was ridiculously surprised that I proposed, but she didnt know that was a ring until she got inside the shell. This Armenian chick on the show had it figured out early.
There, that is enough complaining about people who don't actually affect my life. At least it prevents me from complaining ridiculously about coworkers and Wal-Mart customers. Anyway, I am oot, too much typing.
Peace,
MB-K
Second, the Concordia Debate Institute is crazy. Lets play a little game here. Its like one of those questions where there are two columns of things and you match the items from one column to the items in the other column. Here are the columns:
very young high school kids with no debate experience moderately complicated arguments
high school seniors with extensive debate experience the most simplistic of arguments
junior varsity level debaters with moderate experiencce really complicated shit
I think its pretty obvious, even to those who don't know dick about asscock when it comes to the world of academic debate, which goes with which. This whole situation came up because what I have been told is Concordia's novice lab is writing some Zizek arg. I know I am a little egocentric about the whole Zizek thing, I feel that I understand him better than almost everyone in the debate community, if for no other reason than because its as close to a profession as I come. I think I should know it better than people who do lots of other shit all the time. All I do is philosophy and most of that is Zizek.
I don't want to degrade those people who try things which are out of their general skill level. The only way you can learn is to challenge yourself and shit. Nonetheless, you can only challenge yourself so far, I think its called like the "level of improvement" or some other stupid stuff that people teach you about in elementary education classes. I think that for almost every high school novice debater Zizek is outside of that level. The fact that Concordia is trying to write the argument with novices bothers me because it will only bolster the impression that Zizek is inaccessable. I don't give a fuck if people think Zizek is inaccessible in the context of debate (because, frankly, I am not sure how well it works there anyway) but it just pisses me off when people lump him in with people like Foucault or Derrida. Regardless of what you think of Zizek's writing there is no argument to be made that he is too esoteric, apolitical, or nihlistic. You can't read more than like two pages without running into something very explicit.
Katie and I just finished watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (it won out in the gay TV choice against a rerun of Will and Grace) and I was a little pissed off for two reasons. First, the gay cook guy kind of bothers me, because I can imagine being on this show and feeling like he was trying to make me look like an ignorant straight guy who doesn't know how to cook. I know that this dude is probably a legit chef who just happens to be gay and hence knows more about food than me, but regardless of my sexual orientation or any other statistic I know more about general cooking than most amateurs. I certainly do watch more of the Food Network. I have no reason to be mad at him, but still, its kinda weird and shit.
Secondly, the dude who was being remade on the show was proposing to his girlfriend. I really liked the dude for the most part he was hot and the new clothes they picked for him were excellent. Good guy overall. But then he decides to propose by putting the ring in this chocolate box and giving it to her. This is obviously a very strong way to propose to someone, but it so ripped me off. I know I am not the first person in history to incorporate the ring inside of chocolate somehow, but I feel that if you are going to do it you better either come up with it without the help of five gay stylist people or it better be ridiculous. This was just a ring inside a chocolate box, I happen to think the ring appearing to be a gigantic chocolate is even better. Its not like Katie was ridiculously surprised that I proposed, but she didnt know that was a ring until she got inside the shell. This Armenian chick on the show had it figured out early.
There, that is enough complaining about people who don't actually affect my life. At least it prevents me from complaining ridiculously about coworkers and Wal-Mart customers. Anyway, I am oot, too much typing.
Peace,
MB-K
Monday, July 28, 2003
Good Food and Veganism
So here is the thing, I have friends who are more or less vegetarians. I have some friends who are vegan or some degree of vegans but most of them are usually vegetarians but will occassionally eat fish. There is also Sanjay who would eat steak if he were ever in a situation where good enough meat was offered.
I respect all of these decisions, as long as people aren't mdicks about the fact that I am not a vegetarian. Eat whatever you want, as far as I am concerned, as long as it ain't other people. I actually wouldnt care much about that either, assuming people had like given consent or something to be eaten. This is a stupid discussion, I will no longer have it. The point is basically, eat what you will, I prefer meat.
I respect these decisions, but fundamentally, I will admit that they don't make any sense to me. I won't go as far as to say that I think these decisions are stupid, though I am not far away. I really only won't say this because I like and respect my friends who make the decisions. The fact of the matter, however, the raw fucking fact, is that vegan and vegetarian food is not as good as its meaty and creamy counterparts.
Maybe someday this will change. I suppose this type of food has only really been around for 20 years at max. There have always been people who eat vegetables, don't get me wrong, but they were never really doing it for ethical reasons, unless I am badly mistaken. Maybe I am, I know a little about nutritional anthropology, but certainly not specializing in vegetarianism. Fuck, even salads and shit, the ultimate vegetable food, has cheese and shit in it. Stuff that we think of as vegetarian staples, tofu, humus, falafel, etc. were all developed to be eaten with animals and animal products. Mediterranean and Arabic cultures are definatively the closest to vegetarian we have seen before the contemporary area but most of these foods are traditional served alongside or even together with cheese and meat (hummus was originally developed to cut both the quantitiy and the tang of feta cheese, which, prior to pasteurization was apparently about 5 times more tart than the products of today).
Regardless, the fact is, a majority of cooking has been developed using cream, cheese, meat, etc. Very very few foods are free of these things, honestly, think about it. The best foods include these flavors and these rich and creamy textures. Even the world's true vegetarian delicacies cannot be eaten really on their own, I mean, you cant just grill up a fucking white truffle. I suppose you could do it, but the texture is nothing to scream about, the flavor would be overpowering (like just eating a block of saffron), and it would cost you a couple G's. Classically, both Italian and French cooks use truffles and truffle oils in very small amounts and typically with meat. I have heard of salads made with a drop of truffle oil, but its too rich for my blood.
So here is the point, I respect your decision not to eat cows or pigs or whatever. Nonetheless, you will never eat things as good as I will. I can eat the best things you can plus I can flavor them or use them to flavor meat, cheese, eggs, etc.
This probably isnt very clear or concise, but I am really fucking tired. I will talk more about food later. I fucking love food.
Peace,
MB-K
I respect all of these decisions, as long as people aren't mdicks about the fact that I am not a vegetarian. Eat whatever you want, as far as I am concerned, as long as it ain't other people. I actually wouldnt care much about that either, assuming people had like given consent or something to be eaten. This is a stupid discussion, I will no longer have it. The point is basically, eat what you will, I prefer meat.
I respect these decisions, but fundamentally, I will admit that they don't make any sense to me. I won't go as far as to say that I think these decisions are stupid, though I am not far away. I really only won't say this because I like and respect my friends who make the decisions. The fact of the matter, however, the raw fucking fact, is that vegan and vegetarian food is not as good as its meaty and creamy counterparts.
Maybe someday this will change. I suppose this type of food has only really been around for 20 years at max. There have always been people who eat vegetables, don't get me wrong, but they were never really doing it for ethical reasons, unless I am badly mistaken. Maybe I am, I know a little about nutritional anthropology, but certainly not specializing in vegetarianism. Fuck, even salads and shit, the ultimate vegetable food, has cheese and shit in it. Stuff that we think of as vegetarian staples, tofu, humus, falafel, etc. were all developed to be eaten with animals and animal products. Mediterranean and Arabic cultures are definatively the closest to vegetarian we have seen before the contemporary area but most of these foods are traditional served alongside or even together with cheese and meat (hummus was originally developed to cut both the quantitiy and the tang of feta cheese, which, prior to pasteurization was apparently about 5 times more tart than the products of today).
Regardless, the fact is, a majority of cooking has been developed using cream, cheese, meat, etc. Very very few foods are free of these things, honestly, think about it. The best foods include these flavors and these rich and creamy textures. Even the world's true vegetarian delicacies cannot be eaten really on their own, I mean, you cant just grill up a fucking white truffle. I suppose you could do it, but the texture is nothing to scream about, the flavor would be overpowering (like just eating a block of saffron), and it would cost you a couple G's. Classically, both Italian and French cooks use truffles and truffle oils in very small amounts and typically with meat. I have heard of salads made with a drop of truffle oil, but its too rich for my blood.
So here is the point, I respect your decision not to eat cows or pigs or whatever. Nonetheless, you will never eat things as good as I will. I can eat the best things you can plus I can flavor them or use them to flavor meat, cheese, eggs, etc.
This probably isnt very clear or concise, but I am really fucking tired. I will talk more about food later. I fucking love food.
Peace,
MB-K
Friday, July 25, 2003
Days Off
Day off, its my day off. I have nothing to do really, but at least I do not have to be at work. I took Katie to the doctors this afternoon and then stopped by UB to drop off some shit about gaining residency in New York. I guess I had to lie on the form because I don't really have any intention to remain in New York after I get my degree. I think its pretty stupid to ask that of graduate students in the first place, seeing as how we can't guaruntee ourselves jobs in one specific market.
The more important thing is how much this whole residency thing establishes about the ridiculousness of beuarocracy at this school. Literally, the various departments transfer this money around, they don't just wave my tuition, one department pays my tuition to another. Fucking really really weird. As a result the paperwork, effort, time, and money lost more than covers what they would lose if theyeven waived my tuition as an out of state resident.
Anyway, there is this new commercial that they started running on the Wal-Mart TV network for Vaseline Intensiver Care Lotion. This new type of lotion contains a bunch of chemicals and additives and stuff including aloe vera and sea minerals. That is what the commerical says: "This lotion contains aloe vera and sea minerals."
You must understand how easily identifiable that last two word concept is, SEA MINERALS. Say it to yourself, you can tell that you are saying SEA MINERALS.
Now, fuck it up a little bit. Make the "er" in minerals a little bit quieter than the rest of the world. This is the problem that the woman has on the commercial. She virtually drops the "er" entirely, it took me a long long time to even figure out what it was supposed to be. If you haven't figured it out yet, if you make this pronunciatory mistake you end up with SEA MINerALS. This, when pronounced, sounds pretty much exactly like SEMEN ROLLS.
The first time I heard this shit my jaw dropped open. Every time since I have just laughed openly whenever the concept of a semen roll rings out loud and clear over the speakers. I guess that people who do not work at the store don't really pay attention to the commercials on the TVs since I think someone would have complained or whatever. At least they could have mentioned it to me and made my whole fucking day.
So Katie is asleep right now and I am watching the Godfather Part III. I just rewatched the other two within the past week or so and I wanted to see if I correctly remembered this one as being vastly inferior. Everyone is right, notably, and even though I haven't seen it since I was early in high school I remember correctly that this should not even be in the boxed set. The other two movies are legitimately incredible, both in the ten best films ever made. The acting in this third one is absolutely miserable by comparison. You've still got Al Pacino, but besides him this Andy Garcia-Chaz Palmenteri nonsense is off the hook. You are comparing them to fucking DeNiro and Abe Vigoda and whatever. The whole Andy Garcia as a spaz gets old quick.
I have 14 days left to work at Wal-Mart. Three weeks from today I will be back in Minneapolis celebrating avec mi amigos. I don't know how long exactly we will be in town, but I would guess at least for about 4-5 days. I assume we will leave here on Wednesday morning and stop maybe in Illinois for the night. We can get up the next morning and meet up with my bro for lunch or something. Then be in town by early Thursday evening. We can party it up Thursday night, we can have lunch with someone on Friday. All in all, it will rock. Much better than Suckalo, which, if you hadnt guessed, sucks.
Peace,
MB-K
The more important thing is how much this whole residency thing establishes about the ridiculousness of beuarocracy at this school. Literally, the various departments transfer this money around, they don't just wave my tuition, one department pays my tuition to another. Fucking really really weird. As a result the paperwork, effort, time, and money lost more than covers what they would lose if theyeven waived my tuition as an out of state resident.
Anyway, there is this new commercial that they started running on the Wal-Mart TV network for Vaseline Intensiver Care Lotion. This new type of lotion contains a bunch of chemicals and additives and stuff including aloe vera and sea minerals. That is what the commerical says: "This lotion contains aloe vera and sea minerals."
You must understand how easily identifiable that last two word concept is, SEA MINERALS. Say it to yourself, you can tell that you are saying SEA MINERALS.
Now, fuck it up a little bit. Make the "er" in minerals a little bit quieter than the rest of the world. This is the problem that the woman has on the commercial. She virtually drops the "er" entirely, it took me a long long time to even figure out what it was supposed to be. If you haven't figured it out yet, if you make this pronunciatory mistake you end up with SEA MINerALS. This, when pronounced, sounds pretty much exactly like SEMEN ROLLS.
The first time I heard this shit my jaw dropped open. Every time since I have just laughed openly whenever the concept of a semen roll rings out loud and clear over the speakers. I guess that people who do not work at the store don't really pay attention to the commercials on the TVs since I think someone would have complained or whatever. At least they could have mentioned it to me and made my whole fucking day.
So Katie is asleep right now and I am watching the Godfather Part III. I just rewatched the other two within the past week or so and I wanted to see if I correctly remembered this one as being vastly inferior. Everyone is right, notably, and even though I haven't seen it since I was early in high school I remember correctly that this should not even be in the boxed set. The other two movies are legitimately incredible, both in the ten best films ever made. The acting in this third one is absolutely miserable by comparison. You've still got Al Pacino, but besides him this Andy Garcia-Chaz Palmenteri nonsense is off the hook. You are comparing them to fucking DeNiro and Abe Vigoda and whatever. The whole Andy Garcia as a spaz gets old quick.
I have 14 days left to work at Wal-Mart. Three weeks from today I will be back in Minneapolis celebrating avec mi amigos. I don't know how long exactly we will be in town, but I would guess at least for about 4-5 days. I assume we will leave here on Wednesday morning and stop maybe in Illinois for the night. We can get up the next morning and meet up with my bro for lunch or something. Then be in town by early Thursday evening. We can party it up Thursday night, we can have lunch with someone on Friday. All in all, it will rock. Much better than Suckalo, which, if you hadnt guessed, sucks.
Peace,
MB-K
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Thunderstruck!!
I realized when I was typing the first version of this message thing that I don't believe there is any symbol available on a computer to put the little lightning bolt thingy that comes between AC and DC into ACDC. You pretty much just have to use a backslash or something, which is not nearly as cool.
I mean, you've got the schoolboy uniform and the Australian accents and the whole jumping and playing the guitar trademark Angus Young thing. The Whole Lotta Rosie business, so on and so forth. There is, however, a good argument that at the very center of it all, the lightning bolt business is the key to all their success. I mean, ther must be a reason every hockey team in the country plays Thunderstruck as warm up music. Its a bad ass Hanz and Franz style pump you izzup classic but still. The whole, "we've got an actual natural disaster built into our moniker" thing never hurts.
I have looked through all the symbols and stuff, I officially cannot find the lightning bolt. Weak.
The whole thing is sparked by the fact that the Charlie's Angels commercial which features the song is the best commercial ever. It follows the general guideline of Charlie's Angels, hot looking chicks and bad ass fight scenes to rock and hip hop music. It rocks. Wow does it rock. The movie itself will be excellent, hopefully it will compete with the original, which was the first through sixth best movies of all time. The scene where they ripped of Matrix special effects to beat the hell out of Crispin Glover to "Smack My Bitch Up" remains among the best action scenes in recent memory.
I don't really have anything else to say about Charlie's Angels. I welcome the return of Demi Moore every bit as much as everyone else, but I won't go over it. MSN's entertainment section really beat me to the punch.
I am now going to watch the second episode of I'm With Busey. This show is great. I laughed my ass off during the first show. The kid is the perfect foil to the absolutely insane shit that Busey says. He himself is only marginally funny, but he is the right combination of forthright and nervous fat kid to do the trick. I will have to say more later.
Peace,
MB-K
I mean, you've got the schoolboy uniform and the Australian accents and the whole jumping and playing the guitar trademark Angus Young thing. The Whole Lotta Rosie business, so on and so forth. There is, however, a good argument that at the very center of it all, the lightning bolt business is the key to all their success. I mean, ther must be a reason every hockey team in the country plays Thunderstruck as warm up music. Its a bad ass Hanz and Franz style pump you izzup classic but still. The whole, "we've got an actual natural disaster built into our moniker" thing never hurts.
I have looked through all the symbols and stuff, I officially cannot find the lightning bolt. Weak.
The whole thing is sparked by the fact that the Charlie's Angels commercial which features the song is the best commercial ever. It follows the general guideline of Charlie's Angels, hot looking chicks and bad ass fight scenes to rock and hip hop music. It rocks. Wow does it rock. The movie itself will be excellent, hopefully it will compete with the original, which was the first through sixth best movies of all time. The scene where they ripped of Matrix special effects to beat the hell out of Crispin Glover to "Smack My Bitch Up" remains among the best action scenes in recent memory.
I don't really have anything else to say about Charlie's Angels. I welcome the return of Demi Moore every bit as much as everyone else, but I won't go over it. MSN's entertainment section really beat me to the punch.
I am now going to watch the second episode of I'm With Busey. This show is great. I laughed my ass off during the first show. The kid is the perfect foil to the absolutely insane shit that Busey says. He himself is only marginally funny, but he is the right combination of forthright and nervous fat kid to do the trick. I will have to say more later.
Peace,
MB-K
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Good Things are Home
Yay for that. Also a big yeah-ra for the return of Katie to the Suckalo metro-area. The world is a much brighter place when I do not have to sleep alone and I can use the computer on the couch. Overall, yay for Sunday afternoon and everything that entered my house on that day. Obviously, I would rather have Katie here than my computer, but both are welcome.
We went grocery shopping today but I can't think of any humorous anecdotes about it. Katie bought butterscotch pudding and some yogurt. I got some root beer so I can make root beer floats. Katie doesn't like root beer. We had mac and cheese for dinner because we are lazy.
Katie has two Care Bears now, one that I gave her and one that she bought in Wyoming, which is blue. Anyway, she has both of them strapped to the back of the computer bag, everywhere she went she was carrying these two bright colored bears. It was very cute.
I am going to stop observing random things here. It cannot possibly be entertaining. At the same time most things that I write, including Arrested Development lyrics, are probably not of any interest to anyone either.
I keep hearing stuff about the president being impeached and I really think he will be. I don't remember alot specifically about the Lewinsky scandal before the shit really hit the fan, but I think it was less than this. Congressional committees are forming and people will call further for inquiries etc. Eventually, unless something turns out to be different, I think the fact that the president lied about something this serious, something that started a war and resulted in the loss of American lives, means alot more than sex.
I know the common response will be that Clinton did it under oath in a court of law, which officially Bush did not. However, there has to be some standard which applies to speaking to Congress. You don't take an oath but it is still reasonably expected that you do not lie.
I am so tired I cannot even think straight. Anyway, later.
Peace,
MB-K
We went grocery shopping today but I can't think of any humorous anecdotes about it. Katie bought butterscotch pudding and some yogurt. I got some root beer so I can make root beer floats. Katie doesn't like root beer. We had mac and cheese for dinner because we are lazy.
Katie has two Care Bears now, one that I gave her and one that she bought in Wyoming, which is blue. Anyway, she has both of them strapped to the back of the computer bag, everywhere she went she was carrying these two bright colored bears. It was very cute.
I am going to stop observing random things here. It cannot possibly be entertaining. At the same time most things that I write, including Arrested Development lyrics, are probably not of any interest to anyone either.
I keep hearing stuff about the president being impeached and I really think he will be. I don't remember alot specifically about the Lewinsky scandal before the shit really hit the fan, but I think it was less than this. Congressional committees are forming and people will call further for inquiries etc. Eventually, unless something turns out to be different, I think the fact that the president lied about something this serious, something that started a war and resulted in the loss of American lives, means alot more than sex.
I know the common response will be that Clinton did it under oath in a court of law, which officially Bush did not. However, there has to be some standard which applies to speaking to Congress. You don't take an oath but it is still reasonably expected that you do not lie.
I am so tired I cannot even think straight. Anyway, later.
Peace,
MB-K
Saturday, July 19, 2003
That Rabbit Can't Cut its Own Hair...
I have a feeling that the roll of film I developed today for this young woman was not, in fact taken by the young woman. I don't know the exact story behind it, but I speculate that it goes something like this:
These kids, maybe first-years in college, maybe high school seniors or something, around that age, have this party. They are drinking plastic bottle rum and vodka, maybe someone brought a bottle of malibu. They have a case of Natty Light in cans or something equivalent. The thing is, the door to the bathroom at this house doesn't lock, maybe it was an old house or a little house or a trailer home or something, all those would be consistent with the pictures but it couldnt be specifically verified by them. So someone, my guess is not the woman who brought the film in, decided that the unlockable bathroom door created the opportunuity for some exceptional photo ops. The entire roll of film, literally all 24 pictures, were shots of various women with their pants around their ankles on the toilet. Most of them seemed to be reacting in surprise, as if someone had just unexpectedly opened the bathroom door and taken a picture of them. Some of them moved to cover their faces, some to cover other areas which, the fact of the matter is, couldnt really be seen from that angle anyway. Some of them appeared to just be screaming or unable to react quickly enough. Basically, I think that the photographer simply waited for someone to go into the bathroom before busting in on them flash a'blazin'.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if what you reach to cover when someone is attempting to photograph you on the toilet says anything about your personality. I am just working this out obviously, but there are somewhat similar studies, things that say things about you when you have no chance to think about them, only to react. Maybe covering one's face indicates that YOU don't want to be seen on the toilet, whereas covering the lower region indicates that you don't want to be seen ON THE TOILET. That distinction seems stupider to me as I think about it, but maybe there is some hidden merit. Work is so fucking boring.
I forgot to mention that I am actually typing this at the WMPC. I am not online, just typing it into Notepad on our little Photographic Imaging Controller, but still, its a much better use of time on the clock than doing anything which benefits the Wal-Mart bottom line. At the most I think I have 23 more days of working here for the summer. Thank fucking assshit for that, because I couldnt handle anything more. I will desperately need the break in Minneapolis to recover from the dipfuckingasscock that is constant back pain and stupid fucking customers.
I am quitting smoking tomorrow, seriously, it is my last day as a smoker this July 20th, 2003. It really scares me, I am very very nervous about the concept, but what do you do. I guess I will just suck it up and roll with it. At least I have Monday off, I need that first day without anything to do if I will even have a chance. The first day back at work without a cigarette however, that being Tuesday, scares the pants off me. I have no idea how I will survive it. I guess I will just bring a couple dozen doses of advil and drink lots of water. I have been told that eases the effects of withdrawl and expediates any physical symptoms. I don't know that the problems will really be physical, I imagine that it will just be a very very strong desire to smoke, but what the fuck do I know. I love you cigarettes. You have been a very important part of my life, with me through virtually every significant moment, and I will miss you. Believe me when I say that I will never stop loving you. Beautiful beautul tobacco. I will visit you in cigar form at some point, but not for a while. YOu made me a much much cooler person for the last six years, thank you.
I won't be mentioning cigarettes for a while hopefully, as talking about smoking always makes me want to smoke. The less I think about the act of smoking the easier this will be for me. Enough, no more smoking.
Katie comes home tomorrow. That is the bright side of July 20th, 2003. At least by attaching a happy event to the date I cannot rue it, at least I don't think that rue-ing it would be appropriate. I have been really really bored and really really lonely for the past 2ish weeks, probably even more so than during school. School rarely provided me with any real interaction or contact with "friends" certainly, but it was infinately more engaging than the average Wal-Mart conversation, which is limited by my infamiliarty with the people, our differences in interest, and the constraints of work. At least at school there is constant thinking and interaction going on. I can handle people talking about philosophy/psychoanalysis much better than I can standing and waiting on customers. Even if when either one is over I just go home and watch TV alone. Thankfully, however, that time is nearly behind us and come tomorrow I will not have to be alone.
I hit up the BBQ joint down the street last night, One-Eyed Jacks, to celebrate my day off. I know that celebrating one's day off is a little weird, but I have very little going for me right now. Absent that I would have celebrated my day off by staying inside all day, which kinda sucks. Anyway, this place is really quite good. I have only been there like two or three times, which is ridiculous in comparison to how much I like BBQ. I have not yet had the chicken, only the brisket, the pulled pork, and the ribs, all of which rizock. They have decent BBQ baked beans, but nothing to write home about (fuck, I am writing home about them right now...) and their garlic bread is a to the g. They even have a pretty good spicy BBQ sauce that I would be willing to buy a bottle of in the situation where I was not encouraged enough to make my own. That might be the suckiest thing about living in this apartment, I havent had a good old Q in almost a fucking year. Believe that shit. Shake ya' tailfeather!
Speaking of which, I know P. Diddy takes alot of shit for his gratuitous sampling and stuff, but I kind of like the dude's voice. I mean, obviously you gotta respect what he has done, dude is making a fucking killing with that record label, and I don't even know who is on it. Though I am not the primary hip hop/rap audience. Nonetheless, I think he is kinda cool. I don't like alot of his songs, mainly because I think sampling Sting and singing rap lyrics over it is hella lame, but when he is doing cool melodies and shit its a-ight. He has this one line in "Shake Ya' Tailfeather" where he rhymes playa' with playa': brilliant.
Thank everything holy, it is time to close the register and go home. Another day at Wal-Mart draws to a close and I am very happy man. Anyway, until next time folks. Keep it real. Fibbedy foo-dop waaa....
Peace,
MB-K
These kids, maybe first-years in college, maybe high school seniors or something, around that age, have this party. They are drinking plastic bottle rum and vodka, maybe someone brought a bottle of malibu. They have a case of Natty Light in cans or something equivalent. The thing is, the door to the bathroom at this house doesn't lock, maybe it was an old house or a little house or a trailer home or something, all those would be consistent with the pictures but it couldnt be specifically verified by them. So someone, my guess is not the woman who brought the film in, decided that the unlockable bathroom door created the opportunuity for some exceptional photo ops. The entire roll of film, literally all 24 pictures, were shots of various women with their pants around their ankles on the toilet. Most of them seemed to be reacting in surprise, as if someone had just unexpectedly opened the bathroom door and taken a picture of them. Some of them moved to cover their faces, some to cover other areas which, the fact of the matter is, couldnt really be seen from that angle anyway. Some of them appeared to just be screaming or unable to react quickly enough. Basically, I think that the photographer simply waited for someone to go into the bathroom before busting in on them flash a'blazin'.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if what you reach to cover when someone is attempting to photograph you on the toilet says anything about your personality. I am just working this out obviously, but there are somewhat similar studies, things that say things about you when you have no chance to think about them, only to react. Maybe covering one's face indicates that YOU don't want to be seen on the toilet, whereas covering the lower region indicates that you don't want to be seen ON THE TOILET. That distinction seems stupider to me as I think about it, but maybe there is some hidden merit. Work is so fucking boring.
I forgot to mention that I am actually typing this at the WMPC. I am not online, just typing it into Notepad on our little Photographic Imaging Controller, but still, its a much better use of time on the clock than doing anything which benefits the Wal-Mart bottom line. At the most I think I have 23 more days of working here for the summer. Thank fucking assshit for that, because I couldnt handle anything more. I will desperately need the break in Minneapolis to recover from the dipfuckingasscock that is constant back pain and stupid fucking customers.
I am quitting smoking tomorrow, seriously, it is my last day as a smoker this July 20th, 2003. It really scares me, I am very very nervous about the concept, but what do you do. I guess I will just suck it up and roll with it. At least I have Monday off, I need that first day without anything to do if I will even have a chance. The first day back at work without a cigarette however, that being Tuesday, scares the pants off me. I have no idea how I will survive it. I guess I will just bring a couple dozen doses of advil and drink lots of water. I have been told that eases the effects of withdrawl and expediates any physical symptoms. I don't know that the problems will really be physical, I imagine that it will just be a very very strong desire to smoke, but what the fuck do I know. I love you cigarettes. You have been a very important part of my life, with me through virtually every significant moment, and I will miss you. Believe me when I say that I will never stop loving you. Beautiful beautul tobacco. I will visit you in cigar form at some point, but not for a while. YOu made me a much much cooler person for the last six years, thank you.
I won't be mentioning cigarettes for a while hopefully, as talking about smoking always makes me want to smoke. The less I think about the act of smoking the easier this will be for me. Enough, no more smoking.
Katie comes home tomorrow. That is the bright side of July 20th, 2003. At least by attaching a happy event to the date I cannot rue it, at least I don't think that rue-ing it would be appropriate. I have been really really bored and really really lonely for the past 2ish weeks, probably even more so than during school. School rarely provided me with any real interaction or contact with "friends" certainly, but it was infinately more engaging than the average Wal-Mart conversation, which is limited by my infamiliarty with the people, our differences in interest, and the constraints of work. At least at school there is constant thinking and interaction going on. I can handle people talking about philosophy/psychoanalysis much better than I can standing and waiting on customers. Even if when either one is over I just go home and watch TV alone. Thankfully, however, that time is nearly behind us and come tomorrow I will not have to be alone.
I hit up the BBQ joint down the street last night, One-Eyed Jacks, to celebrate my day off. I know that celebrating one's day off is a little weird, but I have very little going for me right now. Absent that I would have celebrated my day off by staying inside all day, which kinda sucks. Anyway, this place is really quite good. I have only been there like two or three times, which is ridiculous in comparison to how much I like BBQ. I have not yet had the chicken, only the brisket, the pulled pork, and the ribs, all of which rizock. They have decent BBQ baked beans, but nothing to write home about (fuck, I am writing home about them right now...) and their garlic bread is a to the g. They even have a pretty good spicy BBQ sauce that I would be willing to buy a bottle of in the situation where I was not encouraged enough to make my own. That might be the suckiest thing about living in this apartment, I havent had a good old Q in almost a fucking year. Believe that shit. Shake ya' tailfeather!
Speaking of which, I know P. Diddy takes alot of shit for his gratuitous sampling and stuff, but I kind of like the dude's voice. I mean, obviously you gotta respect what he has done, dude is making a fucking killing with that record label, and I don't even know who is on it. Though I am not the primary hip hop/rap audience. Nonetheless, I think he is kinda cool. I don't like alot of his songs, mainly because I think sampling Sting and singing rap lyrics over it is hella lame, but when he is doing cool melodies and shit its a-ight. He has this one line in "Shake Ya' Tailfeather" where he rhymes playa' with playa': brilliant.
Thank everything holy, it is time to close the register and go home. Another day at Wal-Mart draws to a close and I am very happy man. Anyway, until next time folks. Keep it real. Fibbedy foo-dop waaa....
Peace,
MB-K
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Stuff and Shit and Stuff
So I think I had like a writing hangover after this Sunday's giganta-entry thing. Overload will do that, at least, overload combined with the lack of a laptop computer. I seriously think about not even checking my email most days, because there is a couch right there which I could easily be sitting on instead of fucking typing away like the world's biggest wad.
For the most part my days continue to be absolutely uneventful. I get up, watch Sportscenter, and go to work. I come home, watch TV for about 2-4 hours and go to sleep. I get to talk to Katie for a while in there, I check my email occassionally, sometimes I cook something. On that last front I am way fucking behind, because I haven't been buying any food, so as to save money and all, and I am running out of useful food products. I realized this morning that I didnt have anything at all to eat yesterday, and I didnt even notice. I didn't even have like a bowl of ice cream or some chips or something. I came home during lunch and found that I was out of bread, so I didnt make a sandwich, I just sat on the couch, watched half an hour of High Fidelity and drank a soda before I went back to work. I got back from work late as fucking hell and sat down to watch Paradise Hotel and then the World Poker Tour, before I knew it, That 70s Show was over and I watched Good Eats and went to sleep. At no point did the concept of food even occur to me. Maybe that means something is wrong. More likely it means that I need to go grocery shopping, but I will wait until Katie gets back and figure out how much money we should spend at the ole Topps.
Good Eats was interesting yesterday, one I had never seen, on Casseroles. AB put out some solid shit, but nothing too difficult. For instance, his chicken pot pie, which did look much much better than any such product I have ever seen, but nothing ridiculous. The show is still ridiculously entertaining, AB should have his own fucking network. I continue to not believe that I do not have the Good Eats DVDs, if that trend continues to the point of my birthday they become number one on the list. I could watch every fucking episode over and over and over again and never ever ever get bored with it, it is definatively the world's best cooking show and one of the best shows ever made. He made a "leftover Chinese Food casserole which appeared to be a tasty way to deal with random leftovers and a broccoli/mushroom combination which I would like better were one to substitue in some cauliflower or even lots of onions for the mushrooms. The chicken pot pie was really easy and I think I will whip it up at somepoint soon, good gravy, fresh veggies, and flavorful chicken. The interesting part of the show was that Alton explicitly responded to the "cream of mushroom soup" trend so popular amongst hotdish purveyors and refused to utilize the product, both for health and taste reasons. Regardless, it was quite funny.
So there is this little kid who lives in the building next door to mine, but because it seems to be the hip thing for all the kids to do these days he tends to hang out at my building with all the other fucking little kids. I don't really get it, but whatever. I didn't grow up in or around apartment buildings, and the whole concept of living in or near one as a child is weird to me. It must really suck. For that reason I give these kids alot of leeway, and don't let it annoy me that they are always in the hallways and the parking lot and are being loud and stupid and annoying. Regardless, this one little kid comes up to me the other day and asks me if I can play ball with him. Of course I don't want to play ball with him (I don't know what this game entailed really, he had a basketball, but there wasn't a hoop in sight) but I am just about to smoke a cigarette, putting my in a sticky situation. There did not appear to be any other little kids around, so he threw the ball to me and I threw it back for about 5 minutes as I finished my cigarette. It was weird and uncomfortable, but whatever. Then the kid looks in my car as I go to walk in the building and sees the M+Ms that have been sitting there since like October. He asks, not so subtley, if he could have some. I gave him some, obviously, I wasn't using them. The next day and the next, however, he was sitting on the fucking step looking like he was waiting for me to fucking get there, and immediately as I did he ran over to my car and asked for more M+Ms. This seems to me like very weird behavior, if not outride rude. Its not like I give a fuck, obviously, he is free to ask me for candy, I don't care. Nonetheless, I don't know that most people would appreciate such a straightforward approach. I simply don't really like dealing with little kids, they make me uncomfortable. The whole situation was fucking weird. Luckily I am now out of candy in my car, there is no risk of dealing with him tonight.
I also get these paranoid delusions that his parents or someone are going to call the cops on me for giving him candy, like I had poisoned them or coated them in liquid acid. I haven't done anything wrong, obviously, its just fucking candy that has probably melted in the sun, but nonetheless, an early 20s guy who does not look altogether so respectable handing candy out to little kids seems sketchy in my mind, even if they did ask for it. I checked ou the window every like 20 minutes the first night to make sure they weren't staking out my pad, watching me concoct my sinister candy coated chocolates at the kitchen table which doubled as a meth lab. The kitchen table of course, does not double as a meth lab, but its a paranoid delusion, I can pretend its a fucking meth lab if I want to.
I am so sick of going to work. On the bright side, I have a somewhat regular schedule which is divided so that I never have to work more than three days in a row, and I get Monday and Fridays off. That kind of rocks, I like it, even though it means I never have more than one day off at a time. I desperately need the rest however, my back cannot fucking handle being at Wal-Mart more than those three days. I need an entire 24 or so hours to simply lay on the couch to recover. I am thinking about going gambling tomorrow, just taking like 5 dollars and playing nickel video poker for a couple hours, not that I would win anything anyhow. At the very least it would get me out of the house for some reason besides work or food, the only two times I have left since Katie took off for Wyoming. I may at least drive up to the casino and look around, its only like 20 miles away and I havent even been up there. From everything I have heard its a decent sized joint, it has 95 tables and a couple thousand slots. Craps, roulette, carribean stud, blackjack, and pai gow. I don't think they have a poker room, though they do at Seneca Gaming, which is about 40 minutes south of here. I really want to play poker, but I simply don't have enough money. I actually just really want to play poker with my homies, but of course, my homies are all back in my hood, and I am alone in Suckalo. I have definatively been watching too much of the World Poker Tour. Even though, admittedly, it is a great program.
So I took an alternate route through the Wal-Mart to get back to the lab today and ran into the best product ever made. There was a big display of them sitting in the pharmacy and the sign simply says VCF. Before you read further, think about what VCF might be, think about it. You nailed it dizneuce, it is Vaginal Cleansing Film. I laughed out loud looking at it. I studied the display a little harder. Apparently, if one uses this Vaginal Cleansing Film it eliminates the need for either douching or feminine hygeine spray. It appears that VCF is essentially a breath strip (you know those little Listerine or Icebreakers strips you dissolve in your mouth for wintery fresh breath) for your vagina. I don't know if you just lay it on top there or if you like roll it up and shove it in, but either way its awesome.
I had two distinct thoughts about VCF. The first is that it would be sweet if it really was just Listerine Power Pack Strips in a different package. The company would have however many women purchase VCF putting ice breakers in their genitals and I think its hilarious. Eventually it would get out and people would just purchase the altoids version for a superior cleansing. "Oh my Caroline, your vagina has a curiously strong freshness..."
The second thought followed of course, which was trying to determine the best slogan for such a product. Obviously we have the Altoids "curiously strong" thing going, but I was going to try to go with the x-treme advertising products like icebreakers tend to go with. My favorite is still "Vaginal Cleansing Film...STICK IT TO YOUR SNATCH!!" On the commercial, of course, the last part would be read by some loud bold voice like from a Mountain Dew commercial or some shit. Maybe the dude from the Slim Jim ads who was like "Eat Me!!" I continue to laugh everytime I think about this commercial. Maybe it could start out just like a Summer's Eve commercial, in a fresh meadow or something. Then this chick could come through it hauling ass on an ATV (ass-transport vehicle) and do like a flip in the air, fall off her Yamaha and land in a patch of daisies. Then she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a pack of VCF and we get a shot of the woman from the waist up. She pulls a strip out of the VCF PocketPak and holds it up to the camera. Maybe a voice over extolling the virtues of cleansing one's vagina with a strip and then the woman shoves it where it belongs (we don't get to see that part, obviously, disphit, but we understand) and the camera starts spinning all x-treme like. Maybe a bright light, some neon flowers instead of the ordinary daisies. Then all of a sudden she is back on the ATV and she executes some incredible move before the logo shows up on the screen: "VCF: STICK IT TO YOUR SNATCH!!" Damn I love that slogan. Fuck this whole PhD thing, I should go into marketing. As long as we are dealing with slogans that involve slang terms for genitalia I am pure gold.
I think it would be funny to capture a frog and name him "The Ballad of Jom Toad."
I think that pen15 should become an officially accepted spelling of penis.
I think that Trinidad and Tobago should quit fucking around and just have one name.
I think that name should be A'ss'vill'e.
I like apostrophes.
Sometimes I wonder, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Then I think that, most likely, a woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Other times I wonder what exactly that rhyme assumes "chucking" to be in the context of wood and whether it involves the butt.
The words pondering and pandering are too similar.
Why is it that the two cutest species of bear are not actually bears? I think someone wanted the bear family to be known as cuter, maybe to solve the bad rep that grizzlies had been getting, so they tried to annex the koala and the panda.
Cassiopeia is a lame constellation.
Anchovies! More like Papa Smurf!!
Tubas would sound cooler if they had a little ball in the horn that rolled around when you blew into it like a whistle.
If you were Al Pacino and you had to have sex with one member of the New Kids on the Block, I think you should choose Jordan Knight.
If you were Al Pacino and you had to have sex with one TV show about helicopters, I think you should choose Blue Thunder.
I challenge you to a game of horseshoes; A GAME OF HORSESHOES!!
There is this one Pantera song where at the end they are just repeating this kick ass little riff and the lead singer is just like "Fuckin' A" and then they do the riff one more time and the song ends. That is a cool way to end a song.
Peace,
MB-K
For the most part my days continue to be absolutely uneventful. I get up, watch Sportscenter, and go to work. I come home, watch TV for about 2-4 hours and go to sleep. I get to talk to Katie for a while in there, I check my email occassionally, sometimes I cook something. On that last front I am way fucking behind, because I haven't been buying any food, so as to save money and all, and I am running out of useful food products. I realized this morning that I didnt have anything at all to eat yesterday, and I didnt even notice. I didn't even have like a bowl of ice cream or some chips or something. I came home during lunch and found that I was out of bread, so I didnt make a sandwich, I just sat on the couch, watched half an hour of High Fidelity and drank a soda before I went back to work. I got back from work late as fucking hell and sat down to watch Paradise Hotel and then the World Poker Tour, before I knew it, That 70s Show was over and I watched Good Eats and went to sleep. At no point did the concept of food even occur to me. Maybe that means something is wrong. More likely it means that I need to go grocery shopping, but I will wait until Katie gets back and figure out how much money we should spend at the ole Topps.
Good Eats was interesting yesterday, one I had never seen, on Casseroles. AB put out some solid shit, but nothing too difficult. For instance, his chicken pot pie, which did look much much better than any such product I have ever seen, but nothing ridiculous. The show is still ridiculously entertaining, AB should have his own fucking network. I continue to not believe that I do not have the Good Eats DVDs, if that trend continues to the point of my birthday they become number one on the list. I could watch every fucking episode over and over and over again and never ever ever get bored with it, it is definatively the world's best cooking show and one of the best shows ever made. He made a "leftover Chinese Food casserole which appeared to be a tasty way to deal with random leftovers and a broccoli/mushroom combination which I would like better were one to substitue in some cauliflower or even lots of onions for the mushrooms. The chicken pot pie was really easy and I think I will whip it up at somepoint soon, good gravy, fresh veggies, and flavorful chicken. The interesting part of the show was that Alton explicitly responded to the "cream of mushroom soup" trend so popular amongst hotdish purveyors and refused to utilize the product, both for health and taste reasons. Regardless, it was quite funny.
So there is this little kid who lives in the building next door to mine, but because it seems to be the hip thing for all the kids to do these days he tends to hang out at my building with all the other fucking little kids. I don't really get it, but whatever. I didn't grow up in or around apartment buildings, and the whole concept of living in or near one as a child is weird to me. It must really suck. For that reason I give these kids alot of leeway, and don't let it annoy me that they are always in the hallways and the parking lot and are being loud and stupid and annoying. Regardless, this one little kid comes up to me the other day and asks me if I can play ball with him. Of course I don't want to play ball with him (I don't know what this game entailed really, he had a basketball, but there wasn't a hoop in sight) but I am just about to smoke a cigarette, putting my in a sticky situation. There did not appear to be any other little kids around, so he threw the ball to me and I threw it back for about 5 minutes as I finished my cigarette. It was weird and uncomfortable, but whatever. Then the kid looks in my car as I go to walk in the building and sees the M+Ms that have been sitting there since like October. He asks, not so subtley, if he could have some. I gave him some, obviously, I wasn't using them. The next day and the next, however, he was sitting on the fucking step looking like he was waiting for me to fucking get there, and immediately as I did he ran over to my car and asked for more M+Ms. This seems to me like very weird behavior, if not outride rude. Its not like I give a fuck, obviously, he is free to ask me for candy, I don't care. Nonetheless, I don't know that most people would appreciate such a straightforward approach. I simply don't really like dealing with little kids, they make me uncomfortable. The whole situation was fucking weird. Luckily I am now out of candy in my car, there is no risk of dealing with him tonight.
I also get these paranoid delusions that his parents or someone are going to call the cops on me for giving him candy, like I had poisoned them or coated them in liquid acid. I haven't done anything wrong, obviously, its just fucking candy that has probably melted in the sun, but nonetheless, an early 20s guy who does not look altogether so respectable handing candy out to little kids seems sketchy in my mind, even if they did ask for it. I checked ou the window every like 20 minutes the first night to make sure they weren't staking out my pad, watching me concoct my sinister candy coated chocolates at the kitchen table which doubled as a meth lab. The kitchen table of course, does not double as a meth lab, but its a paranoid delusion, I can pretend its a fucking meth lab if I want to.
I am so sick of going to work. On the bright side, I have a somewhat regular schedule which is divided so that I never have to work more than three days in a row, and I get Monday and Fridays off. That kind of rocks, I like it, even though it means I never have more than one day off at a time. I desperately need the rest however, my back cannot fucking handle being at Wal-Mart more than those three days. I need an entire 24 or so hours to simply lay on the couch to recover. I am thinking about going gambling tomorrow, just taking like 5 dollars and playing nickel video poker for a couple hours, not that I would win anything anyhow. At the very least it would get me out of the house for some reason besides work or food, the only two times I have left since Katie took off for Wyoming. I may at least drive up to the casino and look around, its only like 20 miles away and I havent even been up there. From everything I have heard its a decent sized joint, it has 95 tables and a couple thousand slots. Craps, roulette, carribean stud, blackjack, and pai gow. I don't think they have a poker room, though they do at Seneca Gaming, which is about 40 minutes south of here. I really want to play poker, but I simply don't have enough money. I actually just really want to play poker with my homies, but of course, my homies are all back in my hood, and I am alone in Suckalo. I have definatively been watching too much of the World Poker Tour. Even though, admittedly, it is a great program.
So I took an alternate route through the Wal-Mart to get back to the lab today and ran into the best product ever made. There was a big display of them sitting in the pharmacy and the sign simply says VCF. Before you read further, think about what VCF might be, think about it. You nailed it dizneuce, it is Vaginal Cleansing Film. I laughed out loud looking at it. I studied the display a little harder. Apparently, if one uses this Vaginal Cleansing Film it eliminates the need for either douching or feminine hygeine spray. It appears that VCF is essentially a breath strip (you know those little Listerine or Icebreakers strips you dissolve in your mouth for wintery fresh breath) for your vagina. I don't know if you just lay it on top there or if you like roll it up and shove it in, but either way its awesome.
I had two distinct thoughts about VCF. The first is that it would be sweet if it really was just Listerine Power Pack Strips in a different package. The company would have however many women purchase VCF putting ice breakers in their genitals and I think its hilarious. Eventually it would get out and people would just purchase the altoids version for a superior cleansing. "Oh my Caroline, your vagina has a curiously strong freshness..."
The second thought followed of course, which was trying to determine the best slogan for such a product. Obviously we have the Altoids "curiously strong" thing going, but I was going to try to go with the x-treme advertising products like icebreakers tend to go with. My favorite is still "Vaginal Cleansing Film...STICK IT TO YOUR SNATCH!!" On the commercial, of course, the last part would be read by some loud bold voice like from a Mountain Dew commercial or some shit. Maybe the dude from the Slim Jim ads who was like "Eat Me!!" I continue to laugh everytime I think about this commercial. Maybe it could start out just like a Summer's Eve commercial, in a fresh meadow or something. Then this chick could come through it hauling ass on an ATV (ass-transport vehicle) and do like a flip in the air, fall off her Yamaha and land in a patch of daisies. Then she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a pack of VCF and we get a shot of the woman from the waist up. She pulls a strip out of the VCF PocketPak and holds it up to the camera. Maybe a voice over extolling the virtues of cleansing one's vagina with a strip and then the woman shoves it where it belongs (we don't get to see that part, obviously, disphit, but we understand) and the camera starts spinning all x-treme like. Maybe a bright light, some neon flowers instead of the ordinary daisies. Then all of a sudden she is back on the ATV and she executes some incredible move before the logo shows up on the screen: "VCF: STICK IT TO YOUR SNATCH!!" Damn I love that slogan. Fuck this whole PhD thing, I should go into marketing. As long as we are dealing with slogans that involve slang terms for genitalia I am pure gold.
I think it would be funny to capture a frog and name him "The Ballad of Jom Toad."
I think that pen15 should become an officially accepted spelling of penis.
I think that Trinidad and Tobago should quit fucking around and just have one name.
I think that name should be A'ss'vill'e.
I like apostrophes.
Sometimes I wonder, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Then I think that, most likely, a woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Other times I wonder what exactly that rhyme assumes "chucking" to be in the context of wood and whether it involves the butt.
The words pondering and pandering are too similar.
Why is it that the two cutest species of bear are not actually bears? I think someone wanted the bear family to be known as cuter, maybe to solve the bad rep that grizzlies had been getting, so they tried to annex the koala and the panda.
Cassiopeia is a lame constellation.
Anchovies! More like Papa Smurf!!
Tubas would sound cooler if they had a little ball in the horn that rolled around when you blew into it like a whistle.
If you were Al Pacino and you had to have sex with one member of the New Kids on the Block, I think you should choose Jordan Knight.
If you were Al Pacino and you had to have sex with one TV show about helicopters, I think you should choose Blue Thunder.
I challenge you to a game of horseshoes; A GAME OF HORSESHOES!!
There is this one Pantera song where at the end they are just repeating this kick ass little riff and the lead singer is just like "Fuckin' A" and then they do the riff one more time and the song ends. That is a cool way to end a song.
Peace,
MB-K
Saturday, July 12, 2003
Royal Ramble
Today officially sucks an ass. There is no real specific reason for this ass sucking, it just happens to exist. I woke up later than I wanted to and had to go to fucking work. This is not especially specific, mind you, since I go to work 5 fucking days out of the week, but notably, each one sucks more than the last. My back hurts like a crazy ass motherfucker tonight, I mean a crazy ass motherfucker, and I have no idea why this might be the case. I haven't worked especially hard, but the day has just been dragging fucking on. Get it fucking over with already. I cannot wait for this summer to be over because holy fuck do I hate working at Wal-Mart.
What else is there really to talk about besides beavers. So here is the thing about beavers, they are, in all actuality, quite cute. Some people will call them water rats and such, but fundamentally they look alot like otters and have a similarly cute behavior. Denis Leary classified the cute behavior of otters as "I swim around on my back and do cute little human things with my hands." The beaver, simply chews trees and builds shit. This doesn't sound especially cute, I will grant you this. But sit down and watch the mighty beaver work. I loved to check out the beaver dam at the MN Zoo back in the day, because they had that really innovative setup whereby you could see inside the dam. Most people, at least in my opinion, were not aware that a beaver dam didn't just serve to stop up a river, but rather was also a little casa.
I always thought it was weird that they had more than one room in their dam, because, they are like, fucking beavers man. I mean, what do beavers need privacy for. Apparently, I would learn later, the rooms serve to support the roof of the dam rather than simply divide up the space, but nonetheless, beavers can often be observed maintaining a division between rooms based on the activities that occur in them. The entry way is an entryway and nothing more. This makes instinctual sense to me. The whole point of having a dam is that predators can't get at you, since they would have to swim underwater and up into your house and most predators aren't that kind of swimmer. Nonetheless, if you were a beaver, and you were grooming yourself in the entryway to your dam and a fucking wolf popped up through the entry hole you would be totally fucked. So you only enter in the entry way, all other activities are done in places where you might have enough time to react or something. But why is it that beavers sleep in one room and groom themselves in another room? Fuck you Darwin, what the fuck, Is there a reason for this that I am not aware of.
I know that we humans have bathrooms and bedrooms and everything, but notably, we do that because we need running water in the bathroom and that often is not available in the bedroom. Beavers ain't got no running water, so what is the dilly yo. Maybe this is peculiar behavior only found in zoo beavers, but I don't know why. From what has been explained to me about the beaver exhibit at the MN Zoo, they pretty much built an area like what beavers would occupy in the wild and then let them go at the dam themselves. Maybe this is just a romantic memory of mine about the beauty of the beaver lodge, but I don't think so. I think the little buggers have OCD.
I just wrote like three paragraphs about beavers. This should give you an idea of what an absolutely uninteresting person I am when shit comes down to it. My computer leaves with my fiance and I get ready to quit smoking and all of a sudden I am just all beavers all the time. Not in the good Vin Diesel playa' sense either, like the furry little dam builders. I suck so much ass.
That should also be noted, I suppose, that I am going to attempt to quit smoking at the end of this upcoming week. I am really really really dreading this process, it is almost all I can think about, besides beavers, MTV Hits, and Reese's Sticks...mmmm Reese's Sticks. I have literally been having nightmares about the process of quitting. Nightmares about quitting may be a strong word, I have had dreams about quitting and they aren't fun. Basically, however, I think they are accurate. Its not like I am sick all the time or whatever. Its not like I have headaches and can't handle the cravings. In fact, the physical cravings are fairly weak, every now and then I might notice them.
The really really really really shitty ass shitty thing that bothers me about quitting smoking is just not being able to smoke anymore. I don't care if it is tobacco, I don't care if it gives me a buzz, I don't care if it tastes as good as a Parliament full flavor or produces the same volume and concentration of smoke. I really like smoking, its one of my favorite things to do and I am going to miss it. Fucking A!
I have decided that the one decision I regret most in my life is the decision to begin smoking and not because I hated smoking or anything, much to the contrary, I love it now and I am sure I will until the day I die of non-smoking related circumstances. It was the worst decision I ever made simply because I am now going to stop. So ever single mother fucking day, every time I wake up, every time I eat, every time I drive, I have to think about smoking and not do it. Fuck.
Oh well, I shouldn't dwell on the whole ciggarette thing. I will quit and eventually it will get better and I won't think about it all the time. If I do I will go to increasingly powerful hypnotherapists and block out the idea of cigarettes altogether. Maybe I can get a hypnotist to make me think that I am smoking even though I am not. I can have all the psycho-physical satisfaction I get as a smoker plus non of the death-like side effects.
What else is there to talk about. I suppose I could digress on Adaptation, a film which I purchased yesterday, largely simply because it was only 8.99 at Blockbuster. I went in simply with the intention of renting a game, which I also did, but walked out of there with the second collaboration between Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman.
I like this film, I like it alot more than many people did. I don't know how much I agree with it and I am not sure how much I buy into the characters that surround Kaufman versus how much I buy into Kaufman's own thing. The really interesting thing about the flick is the way that it reintegrates a style that hasn't been done in quite a while, that being the film making itself thing. Don't get me wrong, its done in miniature style all the time, a film will talk about being a film or some character will say "I hate it when movies do this (X)" and then the film itself will do X. The interesting thing about Adaptation is that the whole fucking flick is actually the construction of itself, something that was increasingly common in Italian neo-realism, spurred by Fellini's masterful 8 1/2, the movie that, at least to my knowledge, pioneered the genre. There are others, I think Antonioni did one, which are essentially the same thing, but I haven't seen a Hollywood version that I can remember until now. I guess Mullholand Drive has more elements which belong to that theme than most films, but its not David Lynch's style to explore it as explicitly. I mean we have the Cowboy and his whole "if you do good you will see me one more time" but nowhere does Adam Kesher pick up a tape recorder and read verbatim dialogue from earlier in the film.
I don't find subtlety in film to necessarily be the indicator of quality, as many do, nor do I find the upfront-ness of the story to be so mind blowing that I automatically rank Adaptation amongst my favorite movies. But I find a number of things interesting, some of which just happen to be the more subtle elements near the conclusion. Again, remember, I really like the whole premise of being about the process of adapting the movie. The phrase adaptation taking on a multiplicity of varied and related usages in the worlds of evolution, the lives of the Kaufmans, and Susan Orlean. Nonetheless, the end of the film is of the most interest to me.
Upon my first viewing in the theater, I was wowed but fairly convinced that I knew at least what had happened (not plot wise, I was obvioulsy able to figure this out-hey you are the same fuck who couldn't tell the difference between Christina's and Britney's songs aren't you, fuck you dude) but when I watched again last night I had some doubts. So there is the marked difference from the point where Donald goes into Susan's office to pretend that he is Charles right. I mean, I guess it starts shortly after that, but that is when we start to speculate about what it is that happens after the book. We do all the things which had earlier been postulated by Charlie to be all the shitty and contrived Hollywood things which could ruin his otherwise pure movie about flowers. All those elements develop, but not simply as elements within a movie, they are also elements in real life, the fucked up part about a movie which is so self-constructive. So at this point while the film is still reflecting on its mode of production, there is none of the explicit self-referentiality which was so pronounced when Charlie was working on the script.
There are obviously elements near the end here which you are simply supposed to laugh at, I won't go into them for those who have not seen the film, but they are ridiculous, and I think quite obviously so, at least in the context of the rest of the movie. The other thing that I am not sure about is the two characters of Kaufman. This obviously means alot to him and there are some filmic and some extra-filmic elements which should indicate as such. For instance, his fictional brother is listed in all the credits and even on the Oscar nomination (which according to someone, I think it was some IMDB review, remains the only fictional character ever nominated for an Academy Award). There is the first easy reading; that somehow they are the two halves of Charlie Kaufman, that his confident Catherine Keener-boning self isn't all too distinct from the neurotic author of Being John Malkovich. At the same time, some stuff complicates that. Does Kaufman really have a side which is so bound by awful stereotyped ideas. Look at the list of films he has made, none of them actually fall into the types of cliches that this film makes fun of. Furthermore, what, then, is the deal with the very end of the film? Doens't make any sense to me, as it would seem to seal off the self-success of the film, illustrated by the very fact that it exists.
Enough. That is my initial discussion of Adaptation, I'm sure I will end up saying more someday, as I often do, though I don't want to ruin it for Katie and any possible other readers who have not seen the flick.
This movie obviously was Andy Kemp's favorite film of all time, largely because of the multitude of ideas that he seems to share with Charlie Kaufman, and probably the series of neuroses that accompany them. I don't know that Kaufman ever actually whipped a glass accross a BW3 restaurant, but if he had a couple long islands and had to hang around with Kevin for an hour, I wouldn't put it past him.
To add a little bit of news into the mix, I am unsure about Bush's recent trip to Africa. Not because it is an obvious attempt to drum up support for the invasion of Liberia, which in itself is an interesting little topic: while I don't really support military intervention in the abstract there is something to be said that the USFG is at least taking notice of Liberia-since most African genocides tend to go without official notice (qua the Congo, Rwanda, etc.). There is also a flip side to the selection of Liberia specifically. On the one hand intervening to secure a state which was established by and for ex-slaves is probably a pretty obvious, but not reprehensible move to argue that the Bush administration, despite their stance against the SC decision involving Michigan, is not neutral to racism. On the other, Liberia, especially in the recent American media blitz to portray it, has been sort of singled out from the rest of sub-Saharan Africa. The current President, for instance, is named Charles Taylor, a name which is markedly different from the more diverse governing names on the continent. The question then is whether Bush is intervening in Africa only when it threatens the "African Taylors," many of whom are explicitly ex-Americans and others are at least more "Americanized." Basically, is he abandoning the rest of Africa, even though it may have, and often does, just as much violence, questionable democracy, and warlording as Liberia has ever known.
On the lighter side of Africa, there is the media coverage by my personal favorite news source, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Here is the thing, I admire the attempt to do political humor about Africa, largely because the writers obviously know less about Africa then even the Bush administration. Most of the jokes had already been done by the Simpson's go to Africa episode a couple years back. You've got your constantly changing leaders, your random country names, adding People's and Republic and Democratic to other names at random. You've got the difficulty of pronunciation and the consonant sounds which don't exist in any romantic or germanic languages. Blah blah blah. Very little of the Daily Show's coverage of the Africa trip has been funny. Notably, what the fuck were they supposed to say. Have you read the news coverage of the trip, because this is where the Daily Show gets a strong majority of the jokes. Sure, they have had some funny things about Bush's bold stance AGAINST SLAVERY and AGAINST APARTHEID and how patronizingly he treated African leaders, but it didn't really dominate the show. The weird thing is, I don't know what I could have done better. Obviously there is some level of racism or at least ignorance involved in this portrayal, but the only alternative that pops into my head is just to not do many jokes about it. Find something else and make fun of that even though there is a major presidential trip underway. I don't know that this is even a better idea anyway.
Oh well, that is seriously all I have got for now. That was so fucking long. I cannot believe how fucking long that is. Wow. Alright, gotta watch some TV now, this much writing is bad for my brains.
Peace,
MB-K
What else is there really to talk about besides beavers. So here is the thing about beavers, they are, in all actuality, quite cute. Some people will call them water rats and such, but fundamentally they look alot like otters and have a similarly cute behavior. Denis Leary classified the cute behavior of otters as "I swim around on my back and do cute little human things with my hands." The beaver, simply chews trees and builds shit. This doesn't sound especially cute, I will grant you this. But sit down and watch the mighty beaver work. I loved to check out the beaver dam at the MN Zoo back in the day, because they had that really innovative setup whereby you could see inside the dam. Most people, at least in my opinion, were not aware that a beaver dam didn't just serve to stop up a river, but rather was also a little casa.
I always thought it was weird that they had more than one room in their dam, because, they are like, fucking beavers man. I mean, what do beavers need privacy for. Apparently, I would learn later, the rooms serve to support the roof of the dam rather than simply divide up the space, but nonetheless, beavers can often be observed maintaining a division between rooms based on the activities that occur in them. The entry way is an entryway and nothing more. This makes instinctual sense to me. The whole point of having a dam is that predators can't get at you, since they would have to swim underwater and up into your house and most predators aren't that kind of swimmer. Nonetheless, if you were a beaver, and you were grooming yourself in the entryway to your dam and a fucking wolf popped up through the entry hole you would be totally fucked. So you only enter in the entry way, all other activities are done in places where you might have enough time to react or something. But why is it that beavers sleep in one room and groom themselves in another room? Fuck you Darwin, what the fuck, Is there a reason for this that I am not aware of.
I know that we humans have bathrooms and bedrooms and everything, but notably, we do that because we need running water in the bathroom and that often is not available in the bedroom. Beavers ain't got no running water, so what is the dilly yo. Maybe this is peculiar behavior only found in zoo beavers, but I don't know why. From what has been explained to me about the beaver exhibit at the MN Zoo, they pretty much built an area like what beavers would occupy in the wild and then let them go at the dam themselves. Maybe this is just a romantic memory of mine about the beauty of the beaver lodge, but I don't think so. I think the little buggers have OCD.
I just wrote like three paragraphs about beavers. This should give you an idea of what an absolutely uninteresting person I am when shit comes down to it. My computer leaves with my fiance and I get ready to quit smoking and all of a sudden I am just all beavers all the time. Not in the good Vin Diesel playa' sense either, like the furry little dam builders. I suck so much ass.
That should also be noted, I suppose, that I am going to attempt to quit smoking at the end of this upcoming week. I am really really really dreading this process, it is almost all I can think about, besides beavers, MTV Hits, and Reese's Sticks...mmmm Reese's Sticks. I have literally been having nightmares about the process of quitting. Nightmares about quitting may be a strong word, I have had dreams about quitting and they aren't fun. Basically, however, I think they are accurate. Its not like I am sick all the time or whatever. Its not like I have headaches and can't handle the cravings. In fact, the physical cravings are fairly weak, every now and then I might notice them.
The really really really really shitty ass shitty thing that bothers me about quitting smoking is just not being able to smoke anymore. I don't care if it is tobacco, I don't care if it gives me a buzz, I don't care if it tastes as good as a Parliament full flavor or produces the same volume and concentration of smoke. I really like smoking, its one of my favorite things to do and I am going to miss it. Fucking A!
I have decided that the one decision I regret most in my life is the decision to begin smoking and not because I hated smoking or anything, much to the contrary, I love it now and I am sure I will until the day I die of non-smoking related circumstances. It was the worst decision I ever made simply because I am now going to stop. So ever single mother fucking day, every time I wake up, every time I eat, every time I drive, I have to think about smoking and not do it. Fuck.
Oh well, I shouldn't dwell on the whole ciggarette thing. I will quit and eventually it will get better and I won't think about it all the time. If I do I will go to increasingly powerful hypnotherapists and block out the idea of cigarettes altogether. Maybe I can get a hypnotist to make me think that I am smoking even though I am not. I can have all the psycho-physical satisfaction I get as a smoker plus non of the death-like side effects.
What else is there to talk about. I suppose I could digress on Adaptation, a film which I purchased yesterday, largely simply because it was only 8.99 at Blockbuster. I went in simply with the intention of renting a game, which I also did, but walked out of there with the second collaboration between Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman.
I like this film, I like it alot more than many people did. I don't know how much I agree with it and I am not sure how much I buy into the characters that surround Kaufman versus how much I buy into Kaufman's own thing. The really interesting thing about the flick is the way that it reintegrates a style that hasn't been done in quite a while, that being the film making itself thing. Don't get me wrong, its done in miniature style all the time, a film will talk about being a film or some character will say "I hate it when movies do this (X)" and then the film itself will do X. The interesting thing about Adaptation is that the whole fucking flick is actually the construction of itself, something that was increasingly common in Italian neo-realism, spurred by Fellini's masterful 8 1/2, the movie that, at least to my knowledge, pioneered the genre. There are others, I think Antonioni did one, which are essentially the same thing, but I haven't seen a Hollywood version that I can remember until now. I guess Mullholand Drive has more elements which belong to that theme than most films, but its not David Lynch's style to explore it as explicitly. I mean we have the Cowboy and his whole "if you do good you will see me one more time" but nowhere does Adam Kesher pick up a tape recorder and read verbatim dialogue from earlier in the film.
I don't find subtlety in film to necessarily be the indicator of quality, as many do, nor do I find the upfront-ness of the story to be so mind blowing that I automatically rank Adaptation amongst my favorite movies. But I find a number of things interesting, some of which just happen to be the more subtle elements near the conclusion. Again, remember, I really like the whole premise of being about the process of adapting the movie. The phrase adaptation taking on a multiplicity of varied and related usages in the worlds of evolution, the lives of the Kaufmans, and Susan Orlean. Nonetheless, the end of the film is of the most interest to me.
Upon my first viewing in the theater, I was wowed but fairly convinced that I knew at least what had happened (not plot wise, I was obvioulsy able to figure this out-hey you are the same fuck who couldn't tell the difference between Christina's and Britney's songs aren't you, fuck you dude) but when I watched again last night I had some doubts. So there is the marked difference from the point where Donald goes into Susan's office to pretend that he is Charles right. I mean, I guess it starts shortly after that, but that is when we start to speculate about what it is that happens after the book. We do all the things which had earlier been postulated by Charlie to be all the shitty and contrived Hollywood things which could ruin his otherwise pure movie about flowers. All those elements develop, but not simply as elements within a movie, they are also elements in real life, the fucked up part about a movie which is so self-constructive. So at this point while the film is still reflecting on its mode of production, there is none of the explicit self-referentiality which was so pronounced when Charlie was working on the script.
There are obviously elements near the end here which you are simply supposed to laugh at, I won't go into them for those who have not seen the film, but they are ridiculous, and I think quite obviously so, at least in the context of the rest of the movie. The other thing that I am not sure about is the two characters of Kaufman. This obviously means alot to him and there are some filmic and some extra-filmic elements which should indicate as such. For instance, his fictional brother is listed in all the credits and even on the Oscar nomination (which according to someone, I think it was some IMDB review, remains the only fictional character ever nominated for an Academy Award). There is the first easy reading; that somehow they are the two halves of Charlie Kaufman, that his confident Catherine Keener-boning self isn't all too distinct from the neurotic author of Being John Malkovich. At the same time, some stuff complicates that. Does Kaufman really have a side which is so bound by awful stereotyped ideas. Look at the list of films he has made, none of them actually fall into the types of cliches that this film makes fun of. Furthermore, what, then, is the deal with the very end of the film? Doens't make any sense to me, as it would seem to seal off the self-success of the film, illustrated by the very fact that it exists.
Enough. That is my initial discussion of Adaptation, I'm sure I will end up saying more someday, as I often do, though I don't want to ruin it for Katie and any possible other readers who have not seen the flick.
This movie obviously was Andy Kemp's favorite film of all time, largely because of the multitude of ideas that he seems to share with Charlie Kaufman, and probably the series of neuroses that accompany them. I don't know that Kaufman ever actually whipped a glass accross a BW3 restaurant, but if he had a couple long islands and had to hang around with Kevin for an hour, I wouldn't put it past him.
To add a little bit of news into the mix, I am unsure about Bush's recent trip to Africa. Not because it is an obvious attempt to drum up support for the invasion of Liberia, which in itself is an interesting little topic: while I don't really support military intervention in the abstract there is something to be said that the USFG is at least taking notice of Liberia-since most African genocides tend to go without official notice (qua the Congo, Rwanda, etc.). There is also a flip side to the selection of Liberia specifically. On the one hand intervening to secure a state which was established by and for ex-slaves is probably a pretty obvious, but not reprehensible move to argue that the Bush administration, despite their stance against the SC decision involving Michigan, is not neutral to racism. On the other, Liberia, especially in the recent American media blitz to portray it, has been sort of singled out from the rest of sub-Saharan Africa. The current President, for instance, is named Charles Taylor, a name which is markedly different from the more diverse governing names on the continent. The question then is whether Bush is intervening in Africa only when it threatens the "African Taylors," many of whom are explicitly ex-Americans and others are at least more "Americanized." Basically, is he abandoning the rest of Africa, even though it may have, and often does, just as much violence, questionable democracy, and warlording as Liberia has ever known.
On the lighter side of Africa, there is the media coverage by my personal favorite news source, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Here is the thing, I admire the attempt to do political humor about Africa, largely because the writers obviously know less about Africa then even the Bush administration. Most of the jokes had already been done by the Simpson's go to Africa episode a couple years back. You've got your constantly changing leaders, your random country names, adding People's and Republic and Democratic to other names at random. You've got the difficulty of pronunciation and the consonant sounds which don't exist in any romantic or germanic languages. Blah blah blah. Very little of the Daily Show's coverage of the Africa trip has been funny. Notably, what the fuck were they supposed to say. Have you read the news coverage of the trip, because this is where the Daily Show gets a strong majority of the jokes. Sure, they have had some funny things about Bush's bold stance AGAINST SLAVERY and AGAINST APARTHEID and how patronizingly he treated African leaders, but it didn't really dominate the show. The weird thing is, I don't know what I could have done better. Obviously there is some level of racism or at least ignorance involved in this portrayal, but the only alternative that pops into my head is just to not do many jokes about it. Find something else and make fun of that even though there is a major presidential trip underway. I don't know that this is even a better idea anyway.
Oh well, that is seriously all I have got for now. That was so fucking long. I cannot believe how fucking long that is. Wow. Alright, gotta watch some TV now, this much writing is bad for my brains.
Peace,
MB-K
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