Andy Esta Un Fuck Loco

So the continuation of the story about us moving, more specifically, the story of Friday afternoon. So the day started off with an anti-bang, really really on the wrong foot. We got up late, things weren't going well in general. We roll to the first U-Haul place to pick up our gift certificates and of course, the pre-Memorial Day weekend lines meant that took like 25 minutes. Having accomplished that we picked up our trailer at the Roseville U-Haul. This was also a disaster because the dude at this joint had a computer which was, literally, a phone with a keyboard plugged into it. Surprisingly, he could not get the gift certificates to work, so that took us like an hour. So we finally get the trailer and realize that it is significantly smaller than we had imagined.

It becomes obvious very quickly that the trailer will not support both couches and all of Katie's stuff. We had to get rid of the couches regardless, so Karly and I moved the couches downstairs, one being gigantic and stuffed with a giant bed, the other being very light and easy to work with. We took the big one to la casa de mi padres. The little one we gambled on. So we get back to Katie's apartamento and begin what is at first an extermely arduous process of carrying fucking butt and dickloads of boxes down the stairs to load into the trailer. By the pure grace of the Lord Andy K and the Diznobs both showed up to help me out. We carried shit downstairs, we put the couch in, we actually got alot of shit packed in there. Dobs came strong, like hella strong, in the packing department. We have explicitly demonstrated the necessity of Dobs existence. We can prove why, for instance, the Dobs has more reason to exist than Jan's girlfriend. Andy lugged some good shit, it was also impressive.

Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon Andy decided that it would be a good idea to start drinking Tanqueray directly from the bottle. I encouraged him, notably, but I figured (very very stupidly) that he might be able to keep it under control. He wasn't drinking gin and tonic mind you. It must have tasted fucking awful, he was drinking straight room temperature gin without a twist or anything. But it is Andy. We smoked a little bit of the old diznope with Andrea, since she got a new pipe and all. It was a cute little number from St. Sabrina's. The pipe was certainly a rip off, as everything is at St. Sabrina's, but still a nice color changing thingy.

About 4 o'clock we decide to get some food and some cigarettes. We go outside to have a smoke before we go anywhere else. Andy starts babbling, I mean Andy style crazy incoherent babbling. It takes like 3 hours before we are actually able to leave to get some food. Dobs and Andy had a showdown regarding coming down to the car. Andy gave in finally and we rolled to Arby's. We decided to go through the drive-through even though I suggested otherwise and this was the root of the problem. Dobs begins the normal ordering process, Andy interrupts in order to butcher Jack Black's drive-through bit. He fucks around with the throw away the chicken nuggets thing, the losing some of the weight line, it becomes too much and we have to pull away from the drive through window. So we no longer have decent food as an option and roll to Grampa Murphy's, a little pizza joint down the street.

We get inside and I have only recently realized exactly how fucking wasted Andy is. It is rickoculous. He drank about a quarter of a 1.75 of gin and that had really taken its effect. The first thing that occurs upon our entrance to this otherwise quiet neighborhood restaurant is Andy badgering the waitress regarding smoking options in the store. He offers her a dollar to create a smoking section and proceeds to continue uppping his ante ultimately reaching 5 G-spots before we sit his ass down. I talk to Katie and AJ on the phone while Andy babbles and gambles and argues with the waitress about getting a beer. They ultimately figure it out as I sit down at the table. It hadnt hit me how fucked up this situation was yet. Not until Andy attempted to order a Ham and Cheese sandwich. This place served its ham and cheese open-faced which in the mind of most people is fairly reasonable. They roll the thing in the oven and melt the cheese on there, its solid. Andy cannot grasp this concept however, so an argument about the difference between open faced and closed faced sandwiches ensues. This lasted, I shit you not, at least 5 minutes. Dobs had already ordered at this point, for most of the conversation we simply stared down into our drinks. Eventually I intervened and explained to the waitress to just bring him the sandwich and we would take care of it.

When the woman next returned she became very patronizing towards Andy, speaking very slowly and deliberately every time she addressed him. It quickly became obvious that she believed Andy to be retarded. Literally, she thought Andy was mentally handicapped and he gave her no reason to believe otherwise. In retrospect I can think that he did show her a drivers license, which a handicapped person would not likely have, but she didnt consider that any more than I did, it appears.

I laughed my ass off and gave her Andy's 20 bucks as a tip, she deserved it for having dealt with him that afternoon. I don't know that it made her feel any better, it was an exceedingly awkward forty minutes in that place.

We got back to Katie's after Andy had screamed "Hey Old Dude, SUCK MY DICK!!" out of Dobs' car window. Andy then jumped from the car upon hearing that if he attacked me without pants on I would shove the pepsi bottle I was holding up his ass, he tried, I responded in kind. He then decided to drop his pants completely and run around the corner of Snelling and Palace at about 5 on a Friday afternoon. Rush hour traffic mind you, on the busiest fucking street in St. Paul on the Friday before Memorial Day. He got honked at more than once and I remain amazed that no one called the cops that afternoon.

He was more in control after Dobs got him back from the tya-tya bar. But still, quite a day for that boy.

Anyway, maybe more some other time.

Peace,

MB-K