Food Network Does it Again

So the Food Network has again allowed me to add to my list of life goals. I have finally found a place which will actually allow me to eat free. The Riverview Hotel and Casino in Laughlin, NV has a 1 1/4 pound burger on a 12 inch roll which is free if you can eat it all. Alright, solid deal for them I'm sure. The burger only costs like 8 bucks, which is solid, so if someone couldnt eat it, they would still possibly order it. Most people probably can't eat a burger that large, but lets sit down and actually analyze it.

The burger itself is 1 1/4 pounds, but the difficult part is the bun. If you watch professional eaters you will notice that what they do is often dunk food in water or other liquid before trying to eat it. The biggest problem with attempting to eat something really fast (which is not an issue here) or eating alot of something is simply that it dries out your mouth and throat, it absorbs all of that liquid which normally lines your digestive track and makes eating more difficult. I routinely am able to eat Manning's 14 oz Jumbo Special with cheese and bacon, as well as a plate full of fries or potato chips and half a basket of what are without question the world's best onion rings (oh my God, I am getting so hungry as I write this, I have not had a cheeseburger in like 4 weeks now, only 2 more to go). 14 oz, notably, is only 2 oz less than a pound, practically negligible. One of the reasons I think the Manny's burger is not too difficult is because the grease soaks the bun so thoroughly that it is less massive.

So in the abstract, I think I could pretty easily handle this free burger. Its 20 oz, so less than another half of a Jumbo Special. I dont have to add the bacon, I wouldnt have any fries or onion rings. The bun, however, looks huge. Its thick, like a round loaf of bread. The burgers on the show did not appear to be as deliciously greasy as those at Mannys, but getting them more undercooked could help in that respect, as would ketchup, mustard, and no lettuce (which has a tendency to prevent the grease from soaking into the bun as it should) would grease up the bun well enough. Look, the point is, I would never have a problem eating this burger. I have only been to one restaurant which has offered me an "if you can eat it its free" deal. That was at NFLs in St. Louis after my senior year. There was a pizza joint which had that deal with what I believe was a 38 inch pizza. Its roughly the size of a round outdoor table.

Well, Bob probably would have given it a shot with me if I had really wanted to. You actually win money if you are able to do it, like 1000 bucks if two people can do it within a half hour while also drinking a pitcher of beer/soda each. I didnt feel like pressing it, however, because I am not sure I could have pulled it off. Thats alot of fucking pizza and that is really not my specialty. If I ended up at one of those 72oz steak joints, I think I would give it a try. Even though meat would be my eating specialty, I am not sure I could actually do it, but I would have to take a run at it.

So here is the dilemma-why the fuck would I ever go to Laughlin, Nevada? If I am going to the state of NV at all I am going to Vegas. I suppose if I lived nearby I would make the drive, but I would so drastically prefer never to live near Laughlin, NV that it seems ridiculous. I am not going to go to an inferior gambling town or vacation spot just to get a free burger. For the price of that extra trip I could just BUY a fucking burger as large as I felt like eating. Regardless, I wish to eat this burger.

Peace,

MB-K